


Imprisonment

by astralpalace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Voldemort Wins, Angst, Azkaban, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Harry Potter Dead AU, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Legilimency (Harry Potter), Legilimency Sex (Harry Potter), Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Post-War, Slow Burn, Smut, Swear Words, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 74,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28707822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralpalace/pseuds/astralpalace
Summary: Post Battle of Hogwarts. Voldemort won and Harry Potter is dead. Hermione and Draco find themselves in Azkaban together able to talk through a vent in the wall. In order to survive, they must be able to work together.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 35
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1; H

  
The stone-cold floor was hard as she was thrown down. The metal door slammed shut echoing through the room. Covered in dirt and bruises she hoisted herself up to take in her surroundings. Her muscles ached and her throat was raw from screaming. She had just seen people she grew up being picked off one by one. It seemed like hours she sat staring at the wall before trying to dissociate from all the pain she felt. The events from the past few hours replayed in her head over and over again. She analyzed every single detail until it became ingrained forever in her mind. _Harry Potter was dead_ and there was nothing she could do about it.

***

_Neville walked out with the sorting hat grasped in his hand. Across from him a crowd of death eaters walked into the rubble. His feet trudged against the rocks and he limped on his hurt leg. Ginny and Arthur Weasley followed not far behind. She was covered in dirt and rushed to catch up to Neville._

_Voldemort walked slowly to the middle of the courtyard with Nagini slithering next to his feet. Not far behind was Hagrid holding a lifeless body in his arms. The body was small and frail in comparison. Hagrid was a shell of a mad bound up and pulled alongside the death eaters._

_"Who is that Hagrid's carrying," Ginny's voice broke as the words left her mouth. "Neville, who is it," her heart panged in her chest wanting her eyes to deceive her. Mr. Weasley wrapped his arm around his daughter knowing he had to prepare her for the worst. The rest of the students and professors filed out into the yard filled with the remains of their school._

_"Harry Potter is dead," his voice echoed through the courtyard. "He is dead."_

_"NO!" Ginny screamed her heartbreaking in half. She lunged towards him having to be pulled back by her father. The man she loved was held lifeless just meters away from her. It seemed like everything happened in slow motion as her world seemed to crumple from around her._

_"Silence!" Voldemort roared, casting a spell to push her back._

_Ron's jaw dropped. He knew Harry was going into the Forbidden Forest to give up his life but suddenly it all felt too real. Hermione was next to him at a loss of words. Just an hour or so before she had embraced him for the last time. She could still feel his warmth and the texture of his sweater against her cheek._

_"Stupid girl, Harry Potter is dead," he said once more in a low tone walking closer to Ginny. "From this day forth you put your faith in me." He spoke to the remaining professors and students. McGonagall stood disheveled staring at her students wishing she could take them in and tell them everything would be alright. Molly Weasley stood next to Ron and Hermionie all of which were breathing heavy and felt as if their world imploded. No one could imagine a world Harry Potter did not belong to._

_Voldemort let an evil grin creep across his face and turned towards the death eaters to say one final time, "Harry Potter is dead," causing laughter to erupt amongst them. Bile threatened to leave Hermione's throat at the sight of this. Bellatrix's laugh could be heard over the rest, the same laugh Hermionie heard as the word "Mudblood" was carved into her arm. "And now is the time to declare yourself. Come forward and join us," he paused, "or die."_

_The air was so thick it could be spliced by a knife. Crows gathered in the air and smoke covered the rubble that was Hogwarts. Hermione was glued to her spot in the crowd. It was as if her body was cemented down and she was unable to move. The words rang through her head: Harry Potter was dead._

_He who shall not be named stood in the middle of two crowds. His voice echoed through the courtyard asking those to show allegiance in exchange for life. It felt like the world was moving around her and voices started to drown out. Her body was frozen and didn't move until she was being dragged by a death eater. She had chosen death, or at least her flight or fright response had. Students scattered and ran for their lives like she should have done. Chaos erupted around her and she fell to the ground._

_Hermione's eyes started to feel heavy and her head pounded. It felt like a blanket of darkness surrounded her. She let it in. Right before her eyes closed she saw a blonde headed boy running for his life, just to be petrified and yanked into the arms of a larger man._

***

Several days passed. She spent them pacing back and forth wondering where Ginny, Ron, and the remaining members of the Order were. She picked at the meals given to her and was not yet given a shower if they even had those here. Her bruises and cuts were healing slowly due to her lack of a wand. She was decent at wandless magic but her energy was so drained she began to wonder if her food was poisoned.

Her thoughts were interrupted by screams surrounding her, they all faded together into one filled with pain. In a way they were comforting, comforting to know she wasn't alone. She dragged herself from the spot in the floor she had occupied to the metal slab for a bed. There were no blankets to wrap up in, no books to fill her thoughts, and the concept of night and day faded.

On the seventh day, she was counting the bricks in the wall when she came across a vent in the corner of the room she hadn't noticed. She walked over to it, the heavy damp air surrounding her. She lowered herself down and stared at the vent. It was grey and rusted, nothing worth looking at really. Little did she know this vent would be her salvation.

Minutes passed as the girl stared into the darkness that the vent held. She had not spoken a word since she arrived and since it seemed all anyone ever did here was scream she thought: _fuck it._ She cleared her throat and screamed at the top of her lungs until she lost her voice completely. She screamed for Harry and all the other lives lost. She screamed in pain and longing for her freedom. She screamed to prove she was still alive because this past week she felt like she was in a nightmare. When she finally stopped it felt like a weight had been lifted off of her.

"Would you shut it, it's hell enough without hearing you screaming next to my ear," a snarky voice called through the vent. It startled her causing her to jump. It had been a week without hearing anything from the room next to hers. She stayed quiet for a while wondering if it was just a figment of her imagination, it had to be. She had read books about how the mind can play tricks on you.

She chose to test her theory by saying "Are you real? Or am I just imagining it?" It seemed like a dumb thing to say but she didn't have any pride left. She waited for a few moments before hearing the boy laughing through the vents. She would have been offended and jumped to defend herself if she hadn't been so excited to hear a voice other than her thoughts.

"I never thought I'd live to see the day that Granger is in Azkaban. This is gold." A familiar voice chuckled from the other side of the wall. It took a second to register in her head before realizing just who it was. It was the voice of someone who had bullied her for years. The voice of the most snobby egotistical person she knew. The voice of a death eater. The voice of _Draco Malfoy._

Her breath caught in her throat. This very well could be her own personal hell and she was dead too. There was no way she could survive next to the boy who called her a mudblood and whose parents wanted people like her dead. Her stomach twisted and turned. She knew she couldn't let him have the satisfaction of silencing her. She took all the energy she had left in her and said "Malfoy, you must have really failed to be on the winning side and end up in a place like this. I would think about that before talking about me," through the vent.

He silenced for a second and then scoffed. "You know nothing," he seared.

It felt good to bicker. It kept her mind off of everything and life felt normal for a few moments like they were back in third year. She didn't dare say another word though. Even though she had been without human contact for a week now, she couldn't let him know she enjoyed their conversation. That would ruin all the fun.

***  
  
  


**A/N**

**I will be updating this chapter by chapter at least once a week.**

**-Alex**


	2. Chapter 2; D

  
  
  
***

_"Draco," Lucius said at almost a whisper reaching his hand towards his son. The crowd of students turned their heads to the boy. At this moment he wished he was invisible. He didn't want to be the Malfoy heir, the bully his classmates had come to know, or the boy who was tasked with killing Dumbledore. He wanted to watch all the expectations his father had for him fade into the evening sky. He wanted to just be a kid. Thoughts filled his head until they were interrupted once more by his father calling his name._

_He stood right next to Luna Lovegood, on the side with the rest of his classmates. His hair was ruffled and he had a cut on his face from almost being burnt to a crisp in the room of requirement. He couldn't hide the frown on his face and his heart rate sped up knowing he had to walk towards the Dark Lord. There was a lump in his throat and his thoughts raced. He wanted to stay put. He glanced around and thought to himself if just one person asked him to stay he would._

_No one did. He knew better. He was a bully and everyone knew it. He had so much anger built up in him from years of being held to high expectations, years of being compared to Harry. It ate him alive to never be good enough for his father. All he wanted was to be appreciated and he got that on the dark side. He was the chosen one there and he let his morals crack because for once it felt good to be needed._

_"Draco," his mother's soft voice rang from the crowd. He knew at this point no one cared for him to stay and as much as he wanted to he knew no one would accept him if he did. He stood planted in his spot for a few more moments before slowly walking towards Narcissa. Draco loved his mother with his whole heart and walked to the dark side for her._

_A part of him wished someone cared enough to ask him to stay, but he knew he didn't deserve their sympathy. Maybe he was as heartless as everyone thought. Years spent studying occlumency didn't allow for emotions. He disassociated himself as Voldemort wrapped his arm around his shoulders and his body felt like it was on autopilot until he was in his mother's arms. The teenage boy would never admit it, but it felt safe. All he wanted was to be a child again wrapped in a duvet listening to Narcissa read to him. He was lost in his thoughts when they were interrupted by Neville pulling out the sword of Gryffindor from the sorting hat._

_The dark side charged towards him and mass chaos insighted. Spells were being thrown from both sides and everyone was running. The Dark Lord yelled to his followers to capture every witch or wizard who didn't pledge their allegiance. This was his chance. Draco waited for the right moment and ran with all the energy he could muster. His muscles ached but he pushed himself further and further. He had almost made it out of the courtyard when suddenly his body froze._

_"We have a runner," a burly man said after petrifying Draco. The man put Draco's hands behind his back and began to drag him against the gravel. His eyes began to water and his head throbbed. He could see Hemione captured along with the rest of the rebels. Even though he wasn't friends with many of them his chest burned. Memories of Crabbe falling into the fiendfyre flashed before him. Everyone had lost someone today and it wasn't going to stop._

_Draco wondered where his mother was and wished her safety. He would never let a soul know that he secretly cared and breathed slowly to close his mind and push out his feelings. He didn't even realize when he was being apparated to Azkaban-- a place for traitors like him_

_***_

Draco woke up lying on the dirty concrete floor. He ran to the mirror and got a look at himself. There was dirt and dried up blood covering his face. He ripped his shirt over his head and gripped the grimy sink. Bruises littered his abdomen and every movement sent shooting pain in all directions. He splashed some water in his face and took a deep breath.

_Where is my mother?_

_Does my father know I tried to run?_

_Where am I?_

His thoughts repeated these questions over and over threatening to drive him mad. He crumpled to the floor and held his knees to his chest. _Breathe,_ he whispered to himself. He shut his eyes and counted to himself until he was able to calm himself. He pulled himself up and walked the perimeter of the cell. There were no windows, the only thing the room contained was a metal slab for a bed, a toilet, and a sink with a dirty mirror. There was a heavy metal door placed in front of him with a tiny opening. He walked up to it and looked through to see a long hallway with many rooms looking the same as his own. He was just about to conclude that he must be in a dungeon when he felt the air go cold.

It was as if all happiness left the air. Frost started to freeze over the room causing a shiver to crawl down his spine. He used all the energy he had to pull himself to the corner of the room unknowing of what was to happen next. He would never admit it, but Draco was scared.

_Please. Please. Please._

He buried his head in his knees and kept repeating this mantra. He wanted nothing more than to be at home in his bed. He was rocking back and forth forgetting to close his mind off. Years of occlumency training escaped from his mind and he was helpless for what was about to happen.

The metal door slammed open and it was like he was in hell and Satan was there to take him. A cloaked black figure floated slowly through the air. A _dementor_. A single tear threatened to escape. Its' cloak lifted and with a mouth wide open it began to siphon whatever happiness he had left. Visions of Voldemort, his father, and Dumbledore falling down the astronomy tower swirled in his head. He let out a deafening scream.

Maybe he deserved it. Memories of him laughing at Harry and pulling his hood over his head saying "dementor, dementor," replayed. The irony of it all. Draco wished he had the escape of passing out so it would all be over. He knew the Patronus charm could rid a death eater, but he was wandless. Even if he had his wand he had never been able to conjure a Patronus. He accepted his fate and closed his eyes writhing in pain.

***

Draco groaned in pain and turned over on the iron slab that was a bed. If it wasn't for the pain he felt he would have thought this was death. All of the fear and pain in his life was nothing compared to what he had felt from the dementor. He couldn't remember what he saw, his mind must have blocked it out.

He was unable to tell how long he had been knocked out or if it was day or night. His head ached and he was too weak to occulem. It was obvious that he was in Azkaban for running. It was the last straw for him after his failed mission and his inability to identify Harry Potter.

He interrupted his thoughts by hoisting himself up and limping to the pathetic excuse for a sink. He turned on the faucet and put his head under the sink to wet his hair. He ruffled his hands through his blonde locks and took a deep breath. He had never been so dirty in his life and it repulsed him. At the manor, he had an extravagant bath with fancy soaps and bath salts with elves to wait on him hand and foot. He was the heir of Malfoy Manor and in ways a prince. Here he was nothing.

He brought his lips to the faucet and drank the dirty water. He was dehydrated and he tried to ignore the thought of all the germs. When he was satisfied he walked back over to the bed and sat down. His eyes wandered over and found a tray of disgusting food sitting on the ground. He hadn't realized how hungry he was. Scoffing he pulled it over and began to pick at it. This was peasant food compared to the decadent food he was used to, but regardless he began to eat.

After he finished his food he laid on his back to practice occlumency now that he regained some strength. Draco was in the middle of imagining clouds rolling through the blue sky when he was interrupted by a bloody scream. He scanned the room and found a vent in the other corner of the room he had not seen before. He brought himself right next to it and sat down.

"Would you shut it, it's hell enough without hearing you screaming next to my ear," he called out. A smile crept up at his lips. He hadn't talked to anyone in who knows how many days. He heard a gasp on the other side of the wall and chuckled to himself. Whoever it was he was grateful to be able to have someone to bother.

The voice quivered saying "Are you real? Or am I just imagining it?" This caused him to laugh. Before he could enjoy the moment though he felt a pang in his chest. That voice. _It couldn't be._ The voice of the most annoying, know-it-all person he knew. The voice of one-third of the golden trio. The voice of a self-righteous twat. There was no way that Granger, the Gryffindor princess, was here in Azkaban.

"I never thought I'd live to see the day that Granger is in Azkaban. This is gold." he let escape his lips. He would never admit it but it felt good to have her here as much as he hated her. It meant that he would have some form of entertainment for however long he was sentenced here, and most of all the irony of goody-two-shoes Granger being locked up brought him joy.

"Malfoy, you must have really failed to be on the winning side and end up in a place like this. I would think about that before talking about me," rang through the vent. The fun was gone. She had gone too far by reminding him of his failures. He sucked in a breath and fumed with anger. Who did she think she was. Memories of his disappointed father hid in the back of his mind.

He silenced for a second and then scoffed. "You know nothing," he seared. _Fuck her,_ he thought, and then he began to make a mental list of how he could make this place hell for her. 

***

**A/N**

**I have so many ideas and I'm excited to begin this story. Please let me know what you think! Warning: it will be toxic and spicy and Draco will not be nice so if you like that this is the fic for you.**

**-Alex**


	3. Chapter 3; H

  
It was several days of silence from Draco, and Hermione couldn't decide if she was thankful for it or not. The days felt endless and she had been without a shower. Her curls became matted up and her body was covered in dried sweat along with dirt. The room only contained a sink where she was able to wet her skin, but she needed a warm shower more than anything. The last time she felt like this was when she, Harry, and Ron were searching for Horcruxes, but regardless she was able to use her wand to cast a spell allowing her to shower.

She shook her head and decided to sit on the floor to begin practicing her wandless magic. She took a deep breath and decided to do something simple. Closing her eyes and visualizing a wand in her hand, Hermione swirled her hand around. The rocks laying on the floor of her cell gently rose in the air and spun around. Satisfied, she began to launch them at the wall of her cell causing them to create a small noise and fall to the ground.

"Could you stop with the racket! If we are going to spend Salazar knows how long in here I would appreciate some common decency," Draco called from the room next door. Hermione smirked knowing she just found a way to get under his skin.

"What do _you_ know about common decency," she laughed, "You are the least decent person I know." She waited for a witty response. She knew he had one in him after years of his torment.

"I know more than you do _mudblood,_ " he said darkly. "You wouldn't know class if it slapped you in the face," Draco said trying to upset her. At this point she was immune to the word; I mean it was carved in her arm. She glanced at the scar. He would have to say more than that to hurt her feelings.

"So what did Slytherin's prince do to end up here? Daddy couldn't save you?" Hermione pushed further knowing the mention of his father would hit a nerve inside him. If he was going to try and push her buttons, she would do the same. She remained calm knowing it would irritate him that she didn't react to his insults.

"Shut the fuck up Granger. You would do well to shut your bloody mouth before I come through this wall and do it for you," Draco retorted. What a Slytherin thing to do: give meaningless threats with no follow-through. It was nearly impossible for him to come through the wall and both of them knew this.

"I'd love to see you try. If I can remember correctly, you're the one who ran away like a child when I hit you in the face third-year." Visions of third-year flashed in her mind. Her heart longed for the days where their only problems were Draco being a school bully and saving Buckbeak from his execution. What she would give to have a time turner now.

"Wow, you're more of a git than I thought," he retaliated back. A smile crept on her face remembering how good it felt to punch him in the face.

"It's okay, keep deflecting the question. Whatever you did must be pretty bad Malfoy," she countered back. Hermione sat right next to the vent now wanting him to hear her clearly. It was obvious that he didn't want her to know why he was in a cell next to her. Maybe he was here just to make this experience more hell for her than it already was. Either way, she planned to make it worse for him.

"I don't owe you an explanation," was the last thing he said causing tension to rise in the air. Hermione sucked in a breath and moved from the vent. Their playful banter turned cold when those words left his lips. She could imagine the scowl on his face in the other room without having to see it. It was the same disgusted look he had given her since first year, and she doubted it has changed since then.

***

Hermione was in the middle of trying to transfigure a rock into a book when she was interrupted by a bang on the door. Before she could figure out what caused the noise, the door opened to reveal a guard holding chains in his hand. In all the books she had read about Azkaban she didn't know there were human guards. She crept up to him and put her wrists forwards to be locked up.

"Sir, what is this for?" She squeaked out. She had no idea what was to come, and her stomach tied in knots. At least it wasn't a dementor, but she was just as scared to be alone with a grown man.

"Showers." He muttered out without any further explanation. As she walked out the door, she noticed her chains connected to another. She turned around to see _him_.

Draco looked worse than she had ever seen him before. His hair was oily and stuck to his forehead. He was covered in dirt, cuts, and bruises. His once blue eyes were a dull grey color and he had bags under them. He was in the striped uniform given to him and had a number tattooed on his neck. The boy was ghastly thin, and his collar bone poked out like he hadn't eaten in days. This was a paradox to the proud rich boy she knew for all these years.

He lurched forward causing her to jump back. She had been caught staring. Heaven knows she probably looked just as disastrous. Sheepishly looking away, anxiety took over. She was being taken to the showers with her nemesis. Discomfort swept across her. She didn't want him to see her naked body. No one had ever seen her like that. With each step forward she felt tears well in her eyes. She couldn't let him see her weakness though.

They walked along a deathly dark hallway echoing with screams and cries. It was as if they were walking deeper and deeper into the layers of hell. The chains rubbed on her wrists tightly causing them to bruise. She could hear Draco's footsteps behind her and she hurried to walk as far away from him as the chains allowed. After what seemed like half an hour and pitch-black darkness they reached the 'showers.'

"You have ten minutes," the guard said closing the door and standing outside. They were still chained together making it difficult to move. She couldn't find the knob to turn on the shower and she doubted there was any shampoo or conditioner.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me Granger." He snarled at her. Her body started to shake. There was no one around and if he really wanted to he could hurt her.

"I wouldn't dream of it," she said in a quiet voice. She could hear the metal ringing together and assume he was taking off his clothes. She took a deep breath and tried to remain as distant as possible. She began to remove her clothing and as soon as she did ice-cold water began to pour from the ceiling.

"Thank Salazar we are in the dark, so I don't have to see your pathetic excuse for a body," Draco said like the arsehole he was. She rolled her eyes. How would he know what her body looked like in order to deem it as pathetic? She scoffed and ran her fingers through her hair. The water felt like icicles piercing her skin, but it was better than nothing.

Hermione started to run her hands over her body in an effort to wash off the dirt she was coated in. As she was almost finished, she lost her footing and reached out to grab something for support. Her hands gripped onto what happened to be Draco's shoulder. Before she could pull away, he shoved her off of him causing her body to collide with the ground.

"What did I say? Don't touch me you fucking clutz." His words stung. She started to silently cry and pull herself up from the stone floor. The water shut off and she started to pull her dirty clothes back onto her body. She tried to imagine she was at home with a warm fuzzy towel surrounding her body. But she wasn't home and instead of a warm towel her body shook from the freezing water.

She heard movement next to her assuming to was him putting his clothes back on. The door opened and the guard grabbed their chains to drag them back to their cells. Draco was in front of her this time and walked fast on purpose so the cuffs would dig into her skin.

When the darkness faded, she looked forward to see Draco's wet platinum hair against the back of his neck. It was longer than she remembered and contained a slight wave to it without all the products he used to slick it back. Her own hair was soaked and laid across her back causing her clothes to become damp.

Moments later they approach what seemed to be their rooms. The guards unlocked both of their cuffs and shoved them back inside. Right before doing so, she glanced at Draco to see him raise his eyebrows at her and do his signature smirk.

"Until next time."

**A/N**

**The POV will shift which each chapter in order to show what both of them are going through. Because of this, the chapters will be shorter, but I will post at least two a week. Hope you guys enjoyed this, let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4; D

  
  
Draco was shoved back into his room and the door slammed. He shivered and wrapped his arms around his body. The shower was unsuccessful in helping him feel better, instead, it just caused his body to shutter. He could feel his ribs poking out of his once lean body. He didn't know how long he would be in here, but he knew he would soon become a shell of his former self if he stayed in this hell for any longer. For a while, he sat there staring at the wall lost in thought.

_Is anyone coming for me?_

He thought to himself. He knew his father wasn't the most caring person, but could he leave his son to rot? He knew his mother would never let this happen which caused him to worry immensely about her. Something was stopping her from getting him out, and Draco had to know what it was.

His mother was his saving grace. Narcissa was a kind soft-spoken woman who had happened to fall for the wrong man. Her parents were just as prejudice when it came to muggle-borns. Of course, her sister, Andromeda, didn't share those beliefs and married muggle-born Ted Tonks. This led to her being burned off the family tree along with her cousin Sirius Black, and her husband being murdered by snatchers. Narcissa married Lucius, who supported Voldemort's ideology, and she was stuck. She knew she couldn't do anything to endanger Draco. As sad as it sounds, he was her reason for living. She knew she couldn't change her own life, but she wanted better for her son. Oh, the irony of her many stemming from the word narcissist. She was anything but that.

Draco would never show it, his father taught him from a young age that emotions were weak, but he loved his mother more than anyone on the planet. He longed for the days as a child he would spend in their grand library. The days he would put his head on her shoulder while she read him books. Those days were usually interrupted by his father coming in after a long day to tell him he ought not to spend his time in books and start practicing spells because _Harry Potter_ would be attending Hogwarts with him in the fall. And Lucius would "be damned if Draco wasn't better than him." The day the letter from Hogwarts came was the day his childhood ended. The days he spent playing in the gardens of the manor was then spent talking about Harry.

"Draco, you must befriend Harry Potter. It is very important that you do so. He will be one of the most powerful wizards in the future." Lucius told him. At the time Draco didn't understand, but looking back he realized his father wanted to keep a close eye on him.

***

_Draco was in a crowd of students his age about to walk into the sorting ceremony. Crabbe and Goyle, his childhood friends, stood next to him on the stairs. He was bursting with excitement. Draco had been waiting for his first day at Hogwarts for years now. Days before his mother took him to Diagon Alley to get supplies and pick out a wand. Even his father couldn't have wiped the smile across his face._

_Further in the crowd, Draco spotted Harry. "C'mon guys, father said we should befriend him," the young boy said to Crabbe and Goyle. Draco was excited to meet a new friend. Crabbe and Goyle were okay, but not the smartest. Their parents were friends so he tried to remain polite, but he wanted to befriend someone on the same intellectual level as him._

_Draco walked up the stairs to find Harry next to one of the Weasleys and a girl he had never seen before. She had a mane of untamed curly hair and freckles littering her face. He stood there waiting for McGonagal to finish speaking when he decided to talk to Harry._

_"It's true then," he said with his arms wrapped on his friends' shoulders, "what they're saying on the train," he paused getting Harry's reaction. "Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts," Draco said causing gasps from the crowd. Draco smiled hoping to flatter Harry._

_"This is Crabbe and Goyle, and I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy." Draco extended a hand to Harry with a grin on his face. He could already imagine all the fun the four of them could have together. His father would be so proud that he made a friend on the first day of school._

_His thoughts were interrupted by the red-headed boy laughing at him. This caused Draco's smile to fade from his face. He wasn't used to being laughed at and it embarrassed him more than he would like to admit. He wanted Harry to be his friend, so he decided to repeat what he heard his father saying about the Weasley's around the house._

_"Think my name's funny do ya?" Draco said with a glare on his face. "There's no need to ask yours, red hair, and a hand-me-down robe. You must be a Weasley." Draco looked away and turned his attention back to Harry. He knew he probably shouldn't have been so rude, but he was caught off guard and felt like he was being made fun of first._

_"You'll find out that some wizarding families are better than others Potter, you don't want to go making friends with the wrong sorts. I can help you there" He said in a last effort to persuade Harry into joining his friend group. He had only meant to offer him a spot into what his father called the sacred families. Whatever it was called._

_His hand lingered extended in front of Harry, but he never took it. "I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself thanks," he said to Draco._

_That night Draco realized he was wrong. Something other than his father could ruin his night. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't the best at making friends. His father wasn't the perfect example of friendliness. Lucius taught him that it was better to be feared than liked, and that was exactly what he was going to do. Draco refused to be embarrassed and laughed at. From that day forward he decided to make Potter regret it._

_***_

Draco sucked in a deep breath. He never hated Harry, he was just tired of being compared to him. Lucius was never satisfied with Draco's accomplishments. His father would always rattle off how Harry was the chosen one, making Draco feel discouraged and hurt. After quidditch games, his father would simply say "Harry did well today," making Draco fume. No matter how hard he tried he was never good enough, so it wasn't a surprise when he took the dark mark to make his father happy. That's all Draco wanted; to make his father proud. And he failed at that too.

For so many years he was taught to be cold and menacing. It was so hard to keep up the façade, but it was all he knew. He didn't know who he was without it.

***

Days passed since the shower incident and Draco was bored. He had already counted all the bricks in the wall, practiced occulemency, and stacked the rocks on the floor in piles. He had never been so bored in his life. As much as he couldn't stand Granger, he was going to go mad if he didn't have something to do.

"Granger..." he called into the vent. No response. Maybe she was asleep, but Draco didn't care. He moved closer to the vent and decided to try and get her attention.

"Graaangerrr....." he said louder into the vents. He began to get annoyed. He knew that she was on the other side of the vent. It's not like she had anything better to do.

"Bollocks, don't ignore me." He demanded at her. Draco would be damned if he was going to be ignored by someone like her.

"What do you want," Hermione said in an irritated tone. He swallowed his pride knowing this was giving her some form of satisfaction. He refused to be cast aside and ignored.

"I'm bored," Draco called into the vent. His voice wasn't as fierce as before. He decided to drop his facade for a moment. They were trapped in here so he might at well concede.

"And I'm supposed to care why?" Hermione snapped back at him. _Good one Granger_ he thought. A smirk crept on his face.

"Entertain me."

"Malfoy I'm not some house-elf you can call at your will," Hermione retorted back. He could tell she was still mad about what happened in the shower, but he dismissed it.

"I know, but let's talk about something, anything. I will lose my mind if I have to spend another day without anything to do." Was he begging? No, he was just using her in order to rid himself of boredom.

"Malfoy, what would I want to talk to you about. You're a prat," Hermione said through the vent. Draco decided to push a little further because arguing was better than silence.

"Pretend I'm someone you like," he said through the vents willing her to ignore all his mistakes, his appearance, his identity. He willed her to just imagine he was just a lone voice echoing through the vent. He wished he could pretend he was someone else too, just for a moment. 

**A/N**   
**Yes I have written four chapters in three days. I expect to update this fic several times a week. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5; H

  
Hermione was taken aback by such words. Her breath caught in her throat and she had no idea what to say. She sat next to the vent in the corner of the room, perplexed by what he had just asked of her. Draco was not someone she liked, and she could hardly pretend he was. He was not a nice person, him pushing her down in the shower proved that.

She was confused as to why he would even suggest such an absurd thing. Maybe he was losing his mind. She shook her head and tried to think of what he had said.

The wall between them allowed her to pretend he was anyone in the world. He could be someone who was kind, someone who wasn't a Death Eater. She closed her eyes and tried to picture a world where Draco wasn't malicious, a world where they could have been friends. She thought long and hard but her mind went blank. A world where Draco Malfoy was different did not exist. He was not a good person and he never would be. Hermione couldn't waste her energy on fantasies that were delusional. It wasn't practical.

She paused for a second and decided that she could be civil, they were stuck here for an indeterminate amount of time. She had to learn how to survive: isolation ruins the psyche.

Trying to think of a conversation started she blurted out, "What's your favourite color?" It was all she could come up with. She didn't have any energy to spare on anything else.

"What kind of dumb question is that Granger," he said in a sarcastic tone. It was actually impressive how he could turn anything into some type of argument. Talking to him was exhausting, but she knew she had to do it. Sitting in a windowless cell with no human interaction makes a person do things they normally wouldn't, and talking to him was one of those things.

"The kind you ask when you're getting to know someone," she sighed. Talking to him was pointless.

"Green. Next," he said through the vent.

Of course, it was, how unoriginal. Draco was the darkest of greens. The kind that dared you to get close, only to strike at you. He was green like the serpent in the story of Adam and Eve; tempting you to take a bite. Temping you to risk it all.

"Favorite class," Hermione asked him.

"Potions," Draco responded without a second thought, "You have to have better things to ask me than that."

"Why did you try to have Buckbeak killed," Hermione asked. She had been thinking about it since she had brought up punching him in the face. As soon as the words left her lips she knew this would no longer be a civil conversation, and they would no longer be strangers separated between a wall.

"I didn't plan on that happening," he said in a low tone. Hermione knew this was just another excuse for his piss poor behavior.

"Of course not," she snapped back, unable to stop now. She couldn't force herself to remain civil. This set him off.

"Shut the fuck up Granger, as if you know anything about me besides what I've wanted you to see. How does it feel to be miss fucking perfect all the time? I know you're used to having constant praise, but Weaslebee isn't here to kiss your arse, so you are stuck with me. And you and I both know I don't claim to be a nice person. I was bloody thirteen and upset so I told my father. I may be heartless, but I don't just have animals executed. That was all his doings." He ranted until he was out of breath.

Hemione sat next to the vent and took in a deep breath. She knew better than to feed into his lies.

Intentions don't excuse actions, they never will. He was not allowed to justify his actions.She sat in silence with only her thoughts. Being young does not excuse his actions. His father does not excuse his actions. Nothing does. She repeated these thoughts to herself.

Draco was void of empathy and borderline sociopathic. He didn't care about anyone but himself and nothing would ever convince her otherwise. Not even this stupid game he was trying to play. He did not deserve redemption, and nothing would change that.

"I can't play this idiotic game with you anymore. You're right you are heartless; you are not someone I like and that will never change. Some wall between us definitely won't." She said firmly. No amount of walls between them would ever change how she felt about him. Just because she couldn't see him, did not mean he was stripped of what kind of person he was.

"I didn't expect it to Granger. Do you think for one bloody second that I want to be friends with you? Silly girl." His voice was filled with venom, just like him.

***

Hermione missed the days she spent curled up into a reading nook in her dorm room at Hogwarts. She missed the smell of the fresh parchment paper, the feeling of her wand in her hand, and turning the pages of a new book. She missed her home. She thought back on days spent with the Order before the battle of Hogwarts. She thought life before it got so complicated.

The air in the cell was damp. It had been several days since their argument and even more days since her last shower. She felt dirty, alone, and defeated. Hermione had not given herself time to grieve all the lives lost and it all seemed to catch up to her. She crumpled to the group and let herself cry. It felt like the world was crashing around her, but she let all the pain in. It felt as if her throat had constricted and no breath could enter. Her heart physically hurt. Harry was gone. She would never hear his laugh again. Never embrace him when she was upset again. He was dead and her heart broke for him. Her heart broke for all the dead not given a proper burial. The lives thrown away like garbage.

She got up and walked up to the rocky wall in front of her. She ran her fingers along the stones and lifted her hand back. She then proceeded to punch the wall. She used all the strength she could muster and stood there hitting it over and over until her knuckles started to bleed.

Her cheeks were hot and tears streamed down her face. She quickly wiped them along with the snot running down her nose. Cries filled with hallow pain choked out. Her hair was tangled and surrounded her face. She pulled it behind her ears and cupped her face in her hands. Suddenly, she heard deathly screaming around her, before realizing it was her own. Hermione didn't care if it disrupted Draco, he hadn't lost what she had.

_I have to get out of here._

Hermione stopped for a second to regain her breath. She walked over to the sink and splashed water in her face. She was still trembling and her thoughts swarmed around her head. She stared at herself in the mirror and tried to focus on one thought at a time.

_Draco had not lost what she had._

That was it. His parents were still out there. He was not alone in here like she was. He had a way out of here. His parents were known death eaters who had an in with Voldemort. Whatever Draco did could not have been bad enough for them to abandon him. All he had to do was convince them to let him out: convince them that he was on their side.

She paced back in forth trying to organize her thoughts. She was confident that his parents would have to come back for him, and she would be damned if he left and she was still stuck here.

Hermione knew what she had to do. She would get on Draco's good side. It would take a lot of patience, but she could do it. She would be the serpent tempting him. She would get close enough to him, that way when his parents came back for him, they would take her with them. It was genius.

All she had to do was play the part.

***  
  


**A/N**   
**This is a shorter chapter, but I will be posting chapter six on Dec 4 at the latest. As I said before, since this fic will contain different POVs per chapter, the chapters will be shorter. Because of this though, there will be multiple updates a week along with more chapters overall.**


	6. Chapter 6; D

Draco leaned against the stone wall. His eyes were shut, and he was trying to find a way to keep his mind busy. It was cold in the cell and he wrapped his arms around his body. Being in Azkaban made him thinner and weaker than he had ever been before. They were fed once a day and it was usually a stale piece of bread and some type of meat that could be rotten or filed with poison for all he knew.

He was attempting to practice his occlumency by going through his own memories and filing them away into differing categories. He was visualizing a cabinet filled with memories and was placing certain ones to the forefront and others in the depth of his mind. That way he could control what he felt and how he acted. He could close his mind off from the pain of his past.

He was taught at a young age to never show any type of weakness. He was taught to pack away any type of emotions and never let them through. His father made him practice closing off his mind to others, which became especially useful when Voldemort tried to access his memories.

Being in Azkaban made it harder and harder for him to file away his emotions, memories, and thoughts. He was weak and it took a lot of strength to control them. Sorting them away into the cabinet was hard; they always seemed to make their way back to the surface.

***

_"Draco," his mother said in a soft voice, "I know you're scared. If I could take your pain as my own I would son. Your father is doing what he believes is best." His mother was too good for him, he didn't deserve her kindness._

_"I know mother, you don't need to worry about me. I will complete the mission." Draco stood tall. He was no longer a boy. He had to mature over the last summer and he didn't want his mother worrying about him. Once the dark mark laced into his skin, he had duties to fulfill, and no one could get in his way. He made a mental note to practice his occlumency_ _later to prohibit his mother from reading his emotions again in the future._

 _Narcissa was a legilimens. She was able to get into one's mind, read their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. She was even gifted enough to place visions in another's mind. When Draco was younger, she would show him beautiful stories and images in mind when he had nightmares. She was truly gifted. This had drawbacks though; she could always tell what he was thinking. She passed down the traits to him and taught him both legilimency_ _and occlumency. He was intermediate at the skills and could use them when he was very focused. His mother was far more advanced than he was._

_That night Draco spent silently crying into his pillow. The only time he could truly drop the facade was when he was alone at night. The weight of his mission was a burden he had to carry. As much as he didn't want to admit it Hogwarts was his home, and he was going to aid in destroying it. He knew he had no other choice. Visions of Voldemort threatening him and his family flashed in his mind. He would not allow his mother, the only person in the whole world who cared for him, to get hurt over him._

_He sucked in a deep breath and started to close his mind. Men did not cry, and they most certainly did not back down from a challenge. His father's voice rang in his mind. He had been a disappointment to his family for too long now. He was finally chosen, and he could not let anything get into the way of succeeding in his mission. As much as the thought of killing Dumbledore pained him, he could not lose his family. No one in that school gave him the time of day, so why did it hurt him so much to follow through with his mission. Why did he even care? They all hated him, and it was better that way. It was easier to make everyone hate him; he didn't have to live up to any expectations._

_***_

Draco shook his head as the memory played in his mind. He didn't want to think of everything he did wrong. At the battle at Hogwarts, he should have been a man and stayed put with his mother. Instead, he ran like a coward endangering her. He didn't even want to imagine how his father felt about his actions. He was probably disowned at this point.

His thoughts were interrupted when his body jolted back, and he was consumed with anguish. His head lolled back, and his mind was taken over with imagery that he had no control over. He gasped in pain. His head felt as if it had been bashed into a wall.

His vision started to blur and swirl around him. It felt like he was falling until he crashed into a soft carpet. He lifted himself up and rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

He saw images of a decadent gold and red room filled with vintage furniture. There were golden statues of lions surrounding the room and paintings all over. He paced around the room wondering how he got there when he turned around and spotted a group. There was a group of three; a group that included Ron, Hermione, and Harry. They were laughing and he couldn't quite make out what they were saying though. Happiness and comfort washed over him for some odd reason. He stared around and concluded he was in the Gryffindor common room, but why?

Before he could think about it any further his body was launched back and fell again onto the ground. He stumbled onto his feet and looked around. Surrounding him were the injured and dead. He was at Hogwarts during the battle. He didn't know how he got there or why, but he saw Hermione with Ron running up to a body lying on the floor. Draco walked up to see Fred Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, and Remus Lupin lying on the ground dead. Ron fell to his knees and held his brother in his arms, sobbing in pain. Hermione kneeled next to Ron and laid her head on his shoulder to comfort him. Draco's heart panged with grief and he looked away. He could still hear them crying out in pain.

The scene then flashed to Hagrid carrying Harry's lifeless body. This was all happening so fast, and he couldn't control all the visions surrounding him. He kept being flung into different scenes without any warning. He could feel the air constricting in his chest, his heart beating fast, and tears threatening to leave his eyes.

He had no clue what came over him, but his heart felt like it was going to break in half. He collapsed onto the hard ground and shook violently. He squeezed his eyes shut and begged for it all to be over. His hands flung up to his head, and he started digging his nails into his scalp.

When he opened his eyes, he was back in his cell lying on the floor. He jumped up and heard screaming next door. It was Hermione's. He wiped the tears from his eyes embarrassed at himself for shedding a tear over Potter. He hadn't a clue what just happened, but he couldn't bring himself to think about it. He was unable to concentrate with Hermione pounding against the wall with her fists. He could hear her sobbing and breathe heavily in pain: the same pain he had just felt minutes earlier.

_There was no way he just..._

He shook his head. That was impossible. He hadn't even been trying to. Draco shut his eyes and tried to think of all the possible reasons he saw the images he did. Nothing else made sense. He tried over and over to convince himself he was just imagining things and it wasn't true, but he couldn't. There was no other explanation.

He had just been in Hermione's mind, and he almost felt sorry for her. Those were her memories flashing in his mind, and her pain that he had felt in his chest. All those scenes he had been in, were what she was thinking of in the other cell. He felt her grief.

He didn't even mean to do so. He knew he had the ability of Legilimency, but he had never been able to do it unintentionally. He concluded that she must have been weak enough that it was easier to get inside her mind. He tried to brush it off but couldn't. He couldn't shake the pain that he had just felt. It all seemed so real.

_What did this mean?_

He had felt her pain, seen her memories, and he could do it again. He could make her see anything he wanted her to see. She was able to be manipulated by his own will. There were so many possibilities of what he could use this power for. A dark smile crept up his face. He decided to store away this information for later uses.  
  
  


**A/N**

**What do you think of this discovery? Do you think Draco will try to get into her mind again? I'm so excited for the upcoming chapters! Hope you guys enjoyed this.**


	7. Chapter 7; H

It was two days after her outburst when Hermione decided to put her plan in motion. She had spent the past couple of days planning and practicing how she would act towards him. She figured she would start with simply pretending to be interested in what he had to say. Draco was easier than he seemed, and she knew it. All she had to do was feed into his ego and he would be vulnerable.   
  
"Hey Malfoy," She called through the vent in a sing-song voice.   
  
"Yes?" He said confused at her unprecedented kindness.  
  
"I realized I hardly know anything about you, and if we are going to be here a while I figured I should." She told him, hoping he would take the bait.  
  
"What do you fancy to know Granger," Draco said. Hermione paused and tried to think to herself. What could she ask him? It had to be something that would flatter him, but nothing too deep that would cause an argument. It had to be something shallow, something that would boost his ego.   
  
"Well, I always noticed you were quite good at quidditch, how come I stopped seeing you at the games? It was always a joy to watch." Hermione tried her best to sound interested. It was difficult, but she managed. She waited for a response.   
  
"Ah, you see, I was the best on the team. I'm sure we would have won more games if Potter hadn't cheated all the time. I had to quit because I became a prefect and didn't have the time for childish games anymore." Draco spoke through the vent. He bought it. It was laughable how much he would talk about himself if the right words were said.   
  
"I forgot you were a prefect. How admirable, balancing that with grades. It was always difficult competing with you for the top spot in class," she lied through her teeth. Beating him in class rank was the easiest thing she had done in her years at Hogwarts.  
  
"I suppose I might have let you win, it's only the gentleman thing to do," he boasted. She knew damn well he hadn't let her win. They both knew it. This was simple pleasantries. She noted that he must have his own game to play. Draco Malfoy was not nice unless he wanted something.  
  
"How generous of you," Hermione said in a coy voice. She decided to play his game, and he decided to play hers.  
  
It was a game of cat and mouse. A game of manipulation with careful moves and tactics. It was a game of chess, each move more viable than the next. It was a question of how to play the game if the other was aware. They both knew the other wanted something, they just didn't know what. So for a moment, they played the game, they let the cat chase the mouse. But was it really a game if the mouse knew it was being chased and the cat knew the mouse was in on it?  
  
"Maybe it would be more productive if we worked together," he said in a calculated voice. Hermione saw right through him. She didn't know what he wanted from her. What she did know was that he wouldn't get it without her getting something in return.  
  
"That would be more practical wouldn't it," she responded.   
  
Hermione sat next to the vent making sure to be three steps ahead of him. This whole conversation she had guided to reach this point. She toyed with and lead him to come to that revelation.  
  
The next thing she knew she had to do was gain his trust. She needed to make herself someone that he utilized in order for survival. She needed to make herself someone he clinged to. She had studied many books on what deprivation does to a person.

Isolation from others damages you in ways unimaginable, it peels parts of you away with every passing day. If the dementors didn't drive him insane then the loneliness would. Hermione would make small talk every so often, and then when he reached his breaking point she would be there to swoop in and save him. After months of not seeing or touching another person, he wouldn't be able to refuse her advances.  
  
All she had to do to make her plan work was time, calculated moves, and a way to get through the cell when he reaches his breaking point. She figured she would spend the following days finding a way through the wall, that way she would be ready when the time came.  
  
***  
  
Days passed filled with Hermione picking at the stones in the walls looking for a loose one. She tried using all her force to hit the wall between them, but nothing budged either. It was impenetrable. She thought for a second and looked to the metal bed and got an idea.  
  
She walked over to the bed and put her fingers under it. She tried to lift it up and surprisingly it wasn't bolted to the ground. She hoisted it up and lifted it with all the strength she could manage. She leaned it against her shoulder and faced the wall. Her hands moved to the top of the slab pushing as hard as she could. The bed fell from her shoulder into the wall with a crash. Nothing happened.  
  
She hoisted the bed up once again to try and launch it at the wall a second time. This time she pushed it even harder and it landed on the wall with a thud. She did this over and over again until she was too tired to continue.  
  
She hauled the bed back to its original position and sat on it panting for air. The days she spent in this cell had deteriorated her physical strength and the meals she was given weren't nutritious at all. It was all perfectly executed. She was meant to die here or lose her sanity, whichever came first. And it would be a slow spiral at that.  
  
A chill went down her spine. At first, it was barely noticeable, she figured it was from sitting on the cold metal. She pulled her arms around her body and ignored it. She glanced around the room and noticed the mirror fogging up and she was confused. She stood up and slowly walked over to the mirror, pressing her hand to the glass. It was cold to her touch.  
  
 _Oh no,_ she thought to herself.

Her heart started racing and she backed into the corner of the room. She tried to prepare herself for what was about to happen. She'd seen Harry encounter dementors before and it wasn't pretty, but he had survived. That's the only thing that mattered in this place: survival, no matter the costs.  
  
The door slammed open and the cloaked figure moved towards her at a deathly slow pace. She squeezed her eyes shut and prepared herself for what was to come. She let out a small yelp and allowed it to take her.  
  
She writhed in pain. Her mind felt like it was being scrambled into mush. It felt worse than the cruciatus curse Bellatrix performed on her. Her body felt cold and she was unable to move. It was as if all the hope she had remaining drained from her body and she was left with despair.  
  
But then it faded, and she felt a warmth wash over her body. She opened her eyes slowly to see if the coast was clear, and what she saw took her breath away.

The smell of old book pages filled her nostrils. There were shelves full of books and chairs to sit at. Light filled the room and left shadows dancing on the floor. She spun around to take the room in. She was in the Hogwarts library. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't imagining it.

For a moment she forgot she was imprisoned. She forgot about the vent in the wall, the cold room, the boy who lived next door. All of it escaped her mind.

She ran to the shelves to open a book. She ran her fingers across the spines and grabbed the first one that caught her eye. She didn't care what it was about; she hadn't touched a book in what felt like years.  
  
She didn't know if she had died and this was her mind showing her a happy place before she moved on. Frankly, she didn't care. She soaked in the warmth of the room and the ambiance of the library. She held the book to her chest and sat at the closet table she could find. She opened the book and lifted it to her nose taking the smell in. She felt at peace and never wanted to leave.  
  
It felt like time didn't pass here. She sat at the desk for what could have been hours or seconds and enjoyed every moment she could get. She felt free. She wasn't bound to the square room she had spent weeks in. There was no war, no death, just peace.

When she was done, she walked through the shelves of books enjoying the view. She walked through all the rows of books just enjoying the view. In the distance, she heard a noise caused by books falling down. She peered through the shelves and saw something ginger scurrying around. She moved from where she was standing and walked towards the noise.

Her heart rate sped up. A tear escaped from her eyes at what she saw. It was Crookshanks. She ran to him and held him in her arms feeling the fur against her cheek. Hermione had missed him more than anything and clung to him. She lowered herself down to sit on the ground and he laid next to her.

Her eyes began to feel heavy and she closed them, letting herself fall asleep in the stacks of books. Finally content.  
  
 **A/N**  
 **What do you guys think happened? I'd love to hear your theories. I've been trying to update every two days so you guys should expect another chapter by Dec. 7th.**  
 **-Alex**


	8. Chapter 8; D

Draco paced back and forth across his cell trying to come up with a solution to the current situation.

Minutes earlier he had been sitting on his bed trying to practice his wandless magic when a loud metallic band sounded from the wall diving him and Hermione. He jumped up startled by the sound.

 _Bollocks, what was she doing in there_?

He was about to yell at her for being irritating when he felt the room lower in temperature. He knew that wasn't a good sign.

He didn't know what Granger had done, but it must have been bad enough for the dementors to come for her. This was troubling to him because he knew just how much of a mental strain the attacks caused. It took him days to recover from his, and he needed her mind untouched.

She couldn't go insane, then he would be stuck in here with no way out. She had to survive. When the order came back for her, he had to find a way to go with them. She was his way out. No matter how much he hated her, he knew he had to push his feelings aside in order to have a chance at a life outside of these walls.

He swallowed hard and ran his fingers across his sharp jawline. Draco had to think fast because there was no telling how long the dementors would latch onto her.

He could feel her pain seeping through the wall threatening to attach itself to him. She was far too weak and his predisposition for legililmancy was a toxic combination. He could feel her soul being emptied into the mouth of the cloaked figure as if it was his own.

He couldn't create a barrier between him and her any longer. He was once so good at shutting everyone out, but the wall he had created deteriorated every day he spent locked away.

He tried to think of a solution. There had to be something his mom had told him. She had taught him everything he knew about legilimency. He went through his memories trying to think if she said anything helpful.

***

_The old woman pursed her lips as she sat across from him. She had short grey hair, wrinkles littering her face, and must have at least been eighty years old. Narcissa had told Draco that she was here to work with him and help with his abilities._

_Draco sat in his seat in the grand library at the manor. He fidgeted and glanced around avoiding eye contact with the woman. Her gaze was one that looked into your soul: it was inescapable._

_"There's no need to be worried honey, I can feel it radiating off of you. Please relax," she said in a mothering tone to him. "I'm here to help you with your gift."_

_Draco nodded his head. He was just shy of twelve years old and had just discovered his gift. He clenched his jaw. Emotions were a sign of weakness and she could feel them all. He tried his hardest to dissociate himself from the room but failed to leave her gaze._

_"I'm Queenie, I have the same magical properties as you do. Your mother called me here in order to help you with them. She tells me that you can feel other's emotions yes?" She said calmly._

_"Yes," he muttered. He had been able to feel other's emotions for as long as he could remember, and it was insufferable. He knew he wasn't the best person but being able to feel what people thought of him was torture._

_"You are a legilimens. I know it must be hard for you." That was the first time he heard the damned word._

_She had no idea how he felt, he thought to himself. She was just some old hag who didn't know anything about him._

_"I just want to shut it off completely. I don't want my gift." He told her in a monotone voice. He was far too mature for his age, his father made sure of that._

_"Very well then. But I feel you will one day prosper as one. You can become as talented as to show others visions, feel their emotions, thoughts, and get in their minds," she drew on and on._

_All he wanted to do was be normal. He didn't want any part of what she said._

_"Just turn it off."_

_And since that day he had never slipped up again. Queenie taught him how to turn it off. He practiced occlumency frequently, building his wall up higher and higher. He didn't let another in, and he never came out. What he didn't realize was when he turned it off, his empathy went with it._

_***_

That was the solution. Queenie had told him he could put visions in other's minds. He had turned his gift off through occlumency, but since being in Azkaban he couldn't keep his walls up for much longer. That was why he accidentally got into Hermione's mind before. That was why he could feel her pain now.

If he could do those things, surely he would be able to get into her head and show her what he wanted her to see.

It was worth a try. He knew he was weak, but gathered all of his strength to try to pull this off.

He shut his eyes tightly and tried to find his way into her consciousness. He envisioned a door opening leading him into her brain. He counted his breaths and focused on finding her, and walked down long hallways following the chill he felt along the way.

He dragged his fingers against the wall feeling the way to her. It turned ice-cold when he reached the door to her. It was frozen shut.

Pulling his wand out of his pocket, he cast a spell to thaw the door open. He didn't know where the wand came from, but he didn't question it. This was all just a vision she created. It wasn't real life.

Draco opened the door to find her laying on the floor. He knelt down and pulled her into his arms, cringing to himself. He did not want to touch her, but he had to for this to work.

He was grateful that she would not remember any of this. He did not want to be caught with her in his arms. He grimaced when her hair touched his face and hurried up so he didn't have to feel her against his body anymore.

Now, he just had to think of a place to take her. It needed to be a happy place to shield her from the damage the dementors would cause. He didn't know much about her but being the know-it-all she was he figured a library would work.

Draco closed his eyes and tried as best as he could to envision to Hogwarts library. He imagined the smell of old books, the desks that sat in the room for studying, he even thought of the mangey thing she called a cat.

The image began forming in front of them. It was slow at first, but all the details found there was to the light.

It was as if the cell was gone and they were in another reality. A reality without dementors, walls, war, or death. It felt safe and warm. He wanted to stay just for an escape but decided against it because she would be there. He didn't want to share this moment with her.

This kind act was not to be confused with him admiring her. He knew she was playing a game with him too. He knew she wanted something but couldn't quite figure it out yet. He was using her too though.

Gryffindors loved suicide missions and there wasn't a doubt in his mind that one was being organized to save Granger at this very moment. He knew that he would have to get close to her, make her want to bring him with her. There was no other way out.

After he left the vision, he was back in his cell plotting his next move. This attack from the dementors, as morbid as it sounds, benefitted him. When the time was right, he would reveal to her what he did. He knew it would gain her trust.

That was the goal: gaining her trust. He knew his only chance for survival was to become a likable person and abandon everything that made him who he was. He had to make her like him, even need him.

Now that he knew he could use his gift to create visions, the game changed. It was as if pandora's box opened for him to use. He was ahead of her. He could feel her emotions and thoughts, making himself ten steps ahead of her. He could make her see whatever he wanted to. They could go wherever he wanted them to go; giving her an escape from this imprisonment.

And he would use this escape to control her. She wouldn't be able to deny him after he gave her freedom from the cell.

How ironic. Her escape was his control.

**A/N**

**Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, next chapter will be on Dec 9th.**


	9. Chapter 9; H

Hermione groaned as she peeled her body off of the cold hard ground. She could feel her head pounding and her body was so sore she could barely move. She was no longer in the library, but back on the floor of her cell.

_It was too good to be true._

_It must have been a dream._

There was no escape to this hell, and she knew that. It was foolish of her to think that there was. Her only way out was through him, making it extremely important that she followed through with her plan.

"Malfoy, what happened to me?" she called through the vent hoping that he knew something about her attack.

"You've been out for a few days," he told her. She groaned to herself.

Her lips were so dry they had started to crack, and her stomach ached in hunger. She tried to pull herself up in order to make it to the sink and failed. Her legs weren't strong enough to stand so she lifted herself up by her elbows and began to drag herself across the gravel floor. When she got in front of the sink, she lifted her hand up to the sink, turned the faucet on, and cupped water into her hands.

She brought the water to her face, trying to drink as much as she could manage. She coughed several times and tried to take a deep breath. She was already weak and the attack has just made it worse on her.

"How are you feeling," He asked through the wall. She was not in the mood for his bullshit today. She knew it was all an act. He was up to something and she knew it.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hermione said to him. She did not have the strength to pretend to be nice to him. She could follow through with her plan when she started to feel better again.

"I don't know why I bother being nice to you Granger," he said letting the facade drop. Even he was too tired to fake it anymore.

"Me either," she retorted back.

He didn't say anything back thankfully, so she decided to try and discover the mystery that was the Hogwarts library. Dementors are supposed to take away all of your good memories and replace them with the bad ones. So why had she been brought to a place so peaceful? It could have been her own mind trying to protect her, but she doubted that.

She tried to think back on books she had read in the past and came to a blank. She had never heard of anyone seeing a good memory when being attacked by dementors. The only way to overcome them was by using a Patronus and she obviously hadn't cast one.

Hermione was frustrated with her lack of knowledge of the situation. She had no leads or any idea of why she saw the library.

Her head pounded making it even worse. Her hair was matted and stuck to her neck, she was covered in dirt, and felt disgusting.

As much as she tried to keep her composure, all she wanted to do was cry. She missed being held in her mother's arms when she was younger. She missed being innocent and knowing a world without death from the war.

It was hopeless. Everyone was dead or captured. She had no idea if the order even existed anymore. The years they spent trying to win the war were all for nothing; they had lost. Harry was dead and she was stuck in Azkaban unable to do anything useful. She was isolated from society and had no idea what was going on in the outside world.

She cried out, struggling to breathe. She was breaking inside. She could barely stand because her legs were like jelly. She was malnourished,   
magic-less and weak. Hermione was not the lively girl she once was anymore. She was a shell of her old self.

"Time to shower," the guard said causing her head to shoot up. She hadn't even heard the door open.

"No, I can't- I can't get up," she said weakly. She had been in the middle of a panic attack when he walked in. She couldn't even stand, how was she supposed to make the long walk to the showers.

"Too bad," the guard said walking over to her. Her heart started racing and she felt a pit in her stomach. She was terrified. He grabbed her up by her arms and forced her into the chains. Her legs began to wobble struggling to hold herself up. He tugged at the chains causing them to dig into her wrists giving her no choice but to start walking.

Tears welled up in her eyes. She knew Draco was behind her but didn't dare look back at him. She was embarrassed. She was supposed to be strong; she wasn't supposed to let him see her weakness. This ruined her plan. He was supposed to be the one who needed her.

Her legs trudged along the ground. It she was being dragged down the long halls of cells because she had no strength to walk. Her legs were in so much pain that she had to force herself to hold in groans of pain. She slowed down her pace causing the guard to pull the chain harder. It was dehumanizing; she was being treated like an animal.

The lights began to dim, and she knew they were close. She was out of breath and her chest burned as if hot coal had just been shoved down her throat. She knew she was humiliating herself in front of Draco, but she no longer cared. She would give herself this one moment; a moment where she didn't have to play the game.

They made it to the showers several minutes later. When the guard closed the door, she allowed herself to collapse to the floor. She let out a whimper as the cold water poured over her. She didn't take off her clothes, she didn't wash her hair, she just let it soak her.

Draco stood in the shower in silence. She hadn't heard him take off his clothes. She hadn't heard him move a muscle this whole time.

He started moving towards her slowly, making Hermione fear for her life. "Please don't," she choked out. She was terrified of all the possibilities of things he could do to her.

He stayed in silence. She could feel an arm wrap around her as he lowered himself to the floor. She flinched away from him like a feral puppy. His body pressed against her back as she sat in front of him. His hands rose up to her head. She didn't know what was happening or what he was about to do to her.

To her surprise, he began massaging soap through her hair. He was careful not to pull at the tangles or hurt her any worse than she already was. His fingers ran through her hair carefully trying to clean her curly hair. She could feel his clothes soaking wet against her back. He was fully clothed.

She didn't know what this act of kindness meant, but she allowed herself to not think about it. She leaned her head against his chest in silence. The water above them rinsed all the soap from her hair and he seemed to be cleaning himself now. She could feel his ribs underneath his clothes with every movement he made. He was weak.

The water shutoff and he grabbed her hands to hoist her up. She gained balance and readied herself for the walk back. She felt calmer after the shower, and stronger.

The guard opened the door and they were let out. As they walked through the pitch-black hallways in silence, she wondered to herself why he helped her.

_Was it apart of his game?_

_Was he using her for something?_

_What were his plans?_

Her mind swirled with possibilities. The screams surrounding them resembled her thoughts; indistinguishable and scared. Draco was not a kindhearted person and did not do something without expecting something in return.

The light started forming around them and she could see him in front of her. He was gaunt and skinny. His backbone could be seen in the outline of his clothes. His clothes were soaking wet like hers and she could hear them dripping with every step. He turned around for a second and glanced at her. His jawline was prominent, and his cheeks were sunken in. He was not the boy he used to be anymore. He had no magic. He wasn't a death eater. He was just him.

They made their way back to their cells after a while. She made direct eye contact with him as they were both being unlocked.

"Why?" She said in a soft voice staring at him.

This caused something to change in him. He turned towards her with a menacing look. The kindness he previously had left his body. It was as if he turned the switch to off, draining himself of anything redeeming qualities. He was back to where they first started.

"Don't expect that to happen again," he said in a dark voice. It was borderline sociopathic. He looked like death in human form, void of all life. His eyes were stone grey and emotionless. The imprisonment was getting to his head and insanity had crept into his soul.  
  


**A/N**

**Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter is on Dec. 11th.**


	10. Chapter 10; D

**Warning: Depictions of sexual activity ahead. It is advised to skip unless you are of age to read such material. I will mark *** at the beginning and end of the scene.**

_It is all part of the plan._

Draco told himself this over and over again. Hermione didn't mean shit to him. She was just a means of escaping. He hated her. He hated her personality. He hated how she was such a know-it-all. He hated her Gryffindor self-righteousness. He hated the way his fingers entangled in her hair and how his body pressed against hers.

It was all an act. Every nice thing he did for her was meant to draw her in more and more. He had been kind in the shower to make her feel safe with him. He did it to plant a seed in her mind that might actually need him in the future. It was all a game.

He had fucked it up though. He couldn't control himself when he snapped at her. It was all the bottled-up anger and resentment towards himself for getting into a position where he needed her to save him. He had to remind himself that everything was just an act. Instead, he was angry that he had to be nice to her in the shower and he let it show.

The deprivation was getting to his head. He hadn't touched another human being in almost a month. It's not his fault he felt his lower harden when he ran his fingers through her hair. It was pitch black; he couldn't even see her. She could have been anyone and he would have felt the same way.

Self-hatred crept inside him. He felt disgusted with himself for becoming hard from the feeling of her back against him. It had been so long since he had a release. It was building up to the point it was uncontrollable. He had been so stressed and focused on survival he hadn't even realized he was starved for touch. He hadn't even thought to give himself pleasure.

***

He groaned. The thought of being touched made him feel himself grow. He shifted in his pants trying to ignore the bulge. He leaned back into the cold metal bed and laid down.

_What if I just gave in. Just this once._

The thoughts tempted him. It was like he had just been given the apple, and he was about to take a bite. A bite that would damn him for eternity.

_Fuck it._

He began to close his eyes and fantasize. His thoughts went back to their time in the shower. He imagined how her nips grew hard from the icy water. How they peaked through the fabric of her shirt. Oh, how badly he wanted to drag his fingers over them; how badly he wanted a taste.

His cock began to throb in pain, begging to be touched. He slowly brought his fingers down and rubbed them through his pants. The friction felt amazing. It twitched begging for more.

He wondered how her delicate hands would feel wrapped around his cock. Just the thought of it made sticky precum ooze from his tip making a wet spot in his pants.

If he had the chance with her, he would rough her up a little. He would ruin her. His hatred for her turned him on. He wanted to choke her until she was begging him to stop. She deserved to be punished for the way she talked to him.

He slid his hands down his pants, finally touching his aching cock. He wrapped his hand around the tip and began pumping slowly at first. He wanted to take in every moment of pleasure, before edging himself to a climax.

"Fuck," a moan left his mouth. It was low, almost a whisper.

He stroked himself faster thinking about how his hands would feel in her wild hair while she sucked him off. He wanted to put her mouth to good use. All of the shit she said to him in the past would erase with his dick in her mouth. He wanted her to choke on those words.

The thought of her lips surrounding him sent him to the edge. His cock bobbed in his hand as he thrust faster and faster. He wanted to fuck her mouth until she had tears streaming down her face from choking on his size. She wouldn't be able to take it all but he would make her. The thought of using her like a common whore got him off.

He felt the pleasure building in his stomach with every stroke. Moans escaped his mouth and he didn't even care if she heard him. He was blinded by the pleasure that was growing ready to escape.

He was about to be over the edge when he imagined himself cumming on her face, marking her as his slut. A low groan escaped his mouth. He pushed his cock into his hands a few more times allowing himself a final release.

His cocked started to throb, waves of pleasure filling his entire body. He pumped his hands, allowing his cum to release. He groaned, letting himself get lost in it. He felt the sticky sensation on his hands wishing it was her mouth.

He regained his breath, feeling ecstasy.

***

The moment faded and disgust began to creep its' way in. He couldn't believe that he had just wanked to Hermione. He felt bile threaten its way up to his throat. He was repulsed by his actions. He shouldn't have given in to the temptation.

 _It is just the isolation. I was just touch-deprived. It_ _means nothing._

Draco sat there mortified. He would have to occlude. If he was going to fake attraction towards her, he couldn't allow himself to actually feel it. He would never be attracted to Granger in any other situation. He couldn't allow Azkaban to drive him mad.

It was a natural reaction. When you are isolated for so long, you can become falsely attracted to someone. It was the lack of attention causing him to react like this.

He closed his eyes, disassociating himself from all emotion. He hid them in a small place in the back of his head, turning them off. He imagined a wall surrounding them with a locked door holding them back. He needed to regain control and clear his head.

"Why even help me if you're doing to be a prat afterwards. Save yourself the regret." Hermione called through the wall.

He hadn't occluded enough to control his rage. He felt it burn inside him, resentful of her for what she caused.

"You know what, I do regret helping you. I should have left you on the floor to rot." Draco let the anger consume him.

"Then you would be alone in here Malfoy. It would be worth rotting on the floor to know you went insane in the process," Hermione shot back at him.

"I would rather go insane rather than ever have to hear your voice again. I don't know how Potter lasted as long as he did having to hear your loud mouth all the time. Thank Salazar I don't have to see your revolting face every day. The walk to the showers is enough to make me want to vomit." Draco seethed.

"Fuck you Malfoy. No wonder you never had anyone. You don't deserve anyone to care about you."

His mouth slapped shut. He just wanted to go through the walls and make her take that back. He wanted to make her regret those words. He wished he had his wand so he could press it against her neck and make her beg for mercy. He wanted to crucio her until she could never speak again. 

Draco let the rage blind him. His hatred fumed and filled the room. He had no control over himself anymore. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't stop it. He wanted to do as much damage to her as he could.

That's what anger did to him. Once the switch flipped, he was flooded with vile thoughts unable to stop them. The rage would bubble up and simmer inside of him threatening to burst.

Oh, how rage and passion walked across a thin line. Threatening to become one and the same.  
  
  


**A/N**

**The next chapter will be on Dec 13. Also, I just want to say I do not glorify abuse. Draco does have thoughts of hurting her physically and that is not okay. Also all sexual descriptions of his thoughts of "using her,** **ruin her** **, making her beg him to stop," would be consensual.**


	11. Chapter 11; H

Hermione let the silence fill the room. She knew she had gone too far. She couldn't help it; he got under her skin.

She wanted answers regarding the events that took place in the shower. She hadn't meant to set him off when she asked about it.

She just couldn't shake it. Why did he help her in the shower when she was hurt? It made no sense; he despised her.

The Draco who had just yelled at her was not the same Draco who helped her in the shower. The man who helped her in the shower had no hatred in his heart. He was tender, kind, and gentle.

Draco had to be hiding his true reasoning behind the anger and hate projected towards her. Or what happened in the shower was just an act.

Maybe he was repulsed by her. They were in the dark during the shower so he couldn't see anything, but when he saw her at the door of their cells he immediately regretted it. That had to be it.

Either way, he didn't have to blow up when she asked about it. Was he unable to act civil?

Talking to Draco was a delicate task. She had to step on eggshells around him. He was quick to anger and he would use anything she said against her. He had no boundaries, he would say whatever he wanted without any regard for who got hurt.

She couldn't help but wonder what made him like that.

His insults were a defense mechanism surrounding him like a wall. She had to be careful to slip through the cracks. It wasn't easy. She had to learn not to question him about his acts of kindness but just to pretend they never happened.

Draco Malfoy was a mystery. He had his walls high with deep waves crashing around them, just like Azkaban. He was filled with secrets and emotion imprisoned within himself.

She almost felt sorry for him.

People don't close themselves off like that without having some serious trauma. They become so damaged that they go within themselves to prevent any more pain. They push others away so no one can get close. Draco was buried so deep he was unretrievable.

He was deathly captivating. His porcelain skin and grey eyes, the way he held himself in such an aristocratic manner, his tall lean build. He was groomed from the day he was born to be the heir of the Malfoy fortune: a prince.

His looks came at a price though. They always said the devil was undoubtedly attractive.

He was cold, calculated, and malevolent. He would let nothing get in the way of what he wanted. He was the epitome of what a Slytherin man should be. There was no doubt in her mind that this was the doing of Lucius.

So how do you convince someone so apathetic with a distaste for others to let you in? How would she convince him that he needed her?

She had to become just as calculated and cunning. She had to cast her Gryffindor aside. She had to think the way a Slytherin would.

She knew at his core he was ambitious. Being stuck in here with no way out would insidiate him. From her look at him in the corridor, he was already deteriorating. He must be grasping at straws at this point.

Draco was resourceful, but with no solutions or anything to use as an escape, he would lose his mind. He was not used to not being in control. This had to be killing him.

This was helpful to her. Whatever masquerade he was putting on had to fall soon. He wasn't strong enough to keep it up any longer. He needed human connection. That was why he helped her in the shower. It was a matter of time until he would break.

Even the coldest of men needed physical touch.

She had to apologize to him. As much as she didn't want to she would get nowhere with him by arguing.

Hermione took a deep breath. She went over to the vent and sat next to it. She composed herself and began to speak.

"Malfoy, I'm sorry. What I said wasn't fair," she said calmly to him.

No response.

_Play your part, Hermione. Be convincing._

"I haven't been myself after the dementor attack. My whole body was in extreme pain and I lashed out at you. I should really be thanking you for helping me."

"Yeah, you should be." Typical. She didn't expect him to say you're welcome.

She needed to keep the conversation going. She had to offer him information so he could trust her.

"I have some valuable information about the dementors though. I think there is a way to avoid the effects they have on us, or they may be weak. When they attacked me something strange happened I was—"

"There is no way to avoid the attacks Granger," he interrupted her. She was trying to help him and he didn't even want to hear her out.

"Yes, there is, just let me finish-" she insisted. He was going to listen to her whether he liked it or not.

"No. There isn't. Trust me." He responded in a low voice.

"Malfoy just listen. I saw the Hogwarts library. My mind must have been able to fight them off by showing me a good memory." She was trying to explain her story to him. There had to be a way to utilize this in order to prevent themselves from future attacks.

"You didn't do that yourself," he said in barely a whisper.

"What? How would you know that" she questioned him. He made no sense. She had barely even finished her story, how could he even know if she did it or not.

"Drop it."

"No, you can't just spring that on me and then tell me to let it go." Hermione was beginning to become frustrated.

"I said drop it unless you want to piss me off," Draco demanded. He was acting strangely for no reason.

"You aren't even listening to me. I'm trying to come up with a solution to help both of us." She refused to just let it go. She didn't care if he got mad. This information was valuable.

"It wouldn't work for me," she heard an echo from the vent facing herself. She wished she could just go through the wall and force him to listen to her.

"You don't know that," Hermione said becoming exasperated.

Arguing with him was like talking to a wall, no pun intended.

"Yes, I do," he said.

There was no point in going back and forth, they would get nowhere. She tried to redirect the conversation.

"Well, what do you suppose happened then, since you have all the answers?"

"I can't be sure, but I've been attacked by dementors and nothing was there to save me," he revealed. This was news to her. She hadn't known that he was attacked.

She tried to imagine Draco scared for his life at the hands of the Dementors. She forced herself to try to sympathize.

"I'm sorry. I know It can be terrifying, that's why we should try and find a way around it. I thought I was going to die when it happened to me. I can't imagine how you felt," Hermione tried her best to sound like she cared.

"I know."

She didn't quite know what he meant by those words. He knew what?

"I'm not sure what happened to me but it felt like home. It felt safe," she tried to explain to him. She figured if she could tell him more details about the library he might believe her more.

"I know. I felt it," he said so low it was almost inaudible. She barely even heard the words as they escaped his lips and flowed through the air vents to her.

She didn't know the weight behind those words. Not yet.   
  
  
  


**A/N**

**This was sort of a filler chapter I'm sorry. The next chapter will be on Dec. 15th.**


	12. Chapter 12; D

Lucifer was once a beautiful angel who fell from grace, damned to spend an eternity imprisoned in hell.

Don't we all start that way?

***

**August 1992**

_"I've heard it is going to be dangerous at Hogwarts this year Dobby. Harry Potter will be in trouble," Draco laughed a little._

_The thought of Harry getting what he deserved brought him joy. He had heard his father talking about some chamber and mudbloods being in danger. He didn't know what this meant at the time or the weight of those words._

_"Master, Dobby thinks Harry Potter should stay home," Dobby told him._

_Draco thought for a second and decided the only thing better than Harry getting in trouble would be him not attending Hogwarts at all._

_"Very well, at least I won't have to compete against him anymore. Father says he is the best wizard of our age. I think that's bollocks." Draco told Dobby._

_Draco often talked to Dobby when his parents were too busy for him. He didn't have many friends besides Crabbe and Goyle and he found them to be daft. They would play games together around the manor secretly._ _It_ _didn't last long though, because if Lucius caught them he would punish Dobby by hitting him._

_Just another thing that was his fault._

_Dobby apparated out of Draco's bedroom leaving him alone in his thoughts._

_***_

**December 1994**

_"Men do not cry Draco. They are domineering, strong; they are in control of their emotions and never let them show." Lucius said in a stern voice to the boy._

_Lucius often frightened Draco. He was afraid of what his father would do if he disobeyed. There were far too many times he was hit with the cane or grabbed by his neck for the littlest offenses._

_"Yes, Father." Draco strained his voice. He wanted nothing more than his father to be proud of him. He wanted to be worthy of love from him._

_He knew what his father was preparing him for, and he wanted to make it all go away. He knew what was being planned. He wanted to be a little boy again, with no duties and expectations. He was too old for that though. He was fourteen now. He was supposed to be a man. All the weight of the Malfoy line laid upon him._

_He had eavesdropped on the meetings his father had been having in the parlor. Lucius was conversing with people in dark clothing and masks covering their faces. He could hear murmurs of the conversation but a few words stuck out to him._

_"The boy has to die."_

_"The dark lord will be back."_

_"We must serve him."_

_His lungs constricted prohibiting any air to enter. His knees became weak causing him to grasp onto the railing of the balcony he was on. He would never admit it, but he was scared. He could hear them conspire to bring the Dark Lord back; he could hear them plan Harry's death._

_The thought of having Voldemort in his house terrified him. He shook to his core when he heard the faint whispers along with Bellatrix's laugh echoing from below. He tried his best to occlude so he could make it disappear in the darkness of the manor._

_He waited at the top of the stairs for the meeting to end so he could talk to his mother. She always knew what to do._

_***_

**June 1995**

_Draco was numb inside._

_He was truly what his father wanted him to be. A shell of a boy with no feelings._

_The day he sat in the stands hearing the gasps and cries from Amos Diggory and his classmates was the day he finally understood the impact of his actions and those of his father. That day he fractured inside. He realized he was just as bad as everyone thought he was._

_Sure he could be a bully, but allowing his classmate to die, he didn't know he could be capable of such a thing._

_Guilt choked and strangled his insides. It latched its way into his soul and made his stomach drop. When he saw Cedric's cold lifeless body he knew the Dark Lord was back. There was no stopping it. They were sentenced to a lifetime of serving him with no way out. He was trapped._

_He turned around and made his way out of the stands. He pushed past people and began to run. He didn't have a destination in place, he just fled the scene. He pushed through trees, ran up hills, and pushed himself as far as he could to escape the reality of what just happened._

_He ran until he could no longer move his legs. He stopped at a halt not knowing where he was. He leaned against the trunk of a tree to balance himself. He let the contents of his stomach leave him as he vomited._

_It was all his fault. He should have warned someone; he should have done something._

_He was paralyzed._

_The feelings from that night found themselves invading Draco's mind the day of the funeral. He couldn't bare to listen to Dumbledore's speech. He couldn't look at anyone. Self hated filled him until it was overflowing. He despised the person he was; the person his father made him be._

_He wanted to disappear and break from the shackles the Dark Lord held him in._

_But there was no way out, so as the days passed he erased any part of himself that cared. He destroyed any empathy he had within himself. He wanted to stop feeling; to turn it off. The pain became too much for him._

_***_

**June 1996**

_"Mother there has to be something you can do, I don't want to do this," Draco begged Narcissa._

_"There is no other way Draco. He has threatened to kill us all of we don't comply. With your father in Azkaban, he needs someone else to follow through." Sympathy filled her. He could see the regret in her eyes. She never wanted this life for her son._

_He simply nodded his head and reminded himself that men do not cry, they don't give in to emotion. They compose themselves and prepare for what is to come next._

_The world became blurry around him. He could hear voices around him but couldn't make them out. The world was going around him and he was unplugged. He was used to dissociating, it was something he was good at. He let the scene play around him._

_He could feel his arm being grabbed from his side, a wand tip being held on his skin, dark spells being chanted before him. If it wasn't for the pain searing into his arm he would have thought it was all just a dream._

_He liked the pain though, it reminded him a part of him was still alive somewhere deep inside of him._

_When the Dark Lord was done he hadn't realized he fell to the ground in pain. He touched his arm causing him to wince. There laid the dark mark on his alabaster skin._

_Another part of him died that night when his virgin skin was tainted._

_***_

**May 1997**

_Draco stared at the ceiling in the hospital at Hogwarts. His insides were mangled, trying to heal themselves from the attack._

_"I deserved it." He thought to himself._

_He deserved any pain he received after hurting Katie Bell. Another innocent soul he harmed._

_He never wanted to kill Dumbledore, that's why he opted for poison or a cursed necklace. He wanted to distance himself as far as possible from the act. The way Dumbledore would be killed was the only choice he had in this situation. It was Dumbledore's life or the lives of him and his mother._

_He was trapped, he was only given the illusion of choice._

_He wished he had died when Harry used sectumsempra on him. He wanted life to leave his body and swirl down the drain like his blood littering the bathroom tiles. That would have been his only way out._

_The scars that would soon form would forever be a reminder of his mistakes and how death was the only way out of this life of servitude to the Dark Lord._

***

**June 1997**

_All the light had left the sky leaving it dark and dismal, mirroring exactly what was soon to come._

_Draco stumbled his way up the astronomy tower. With every step he took, he tried to think of a way out of killing Dumbledore. When he let the Death Eaters into the castle he hoped one of them would do it for him._

_He was a coward and he knew it. He was a disappointment to the Malfoy line._

_He finally made it to the top of the stairs when he heard talking. If Dumbledore wasn't alone he wouldn't be able to follow through, he didn't want anyone to see him. He cautiously continued up the stairs to find him alone._

_He raised his wand, hands trembling._

_"Good evening Draco, what brings you here on this fine spring evening?" Albus's voice echoed through the room in a calm voice. This made Draco's heart race._

_"Who else is here? I heard you talking," he inquired. He had to be sure that they were alone._

_"I've been talking aloud to myself I find it extraordinarily useful. Have you been whispering to yourself Draco?" He paused watching Draco's wand pointing at him._

_"Draco, you are no assassin," Dumbledore said to him._

_Draco tried to gather as much courage as he could to stand up to the headmaster. His insides churned and he was so anxious he could barely hold onto his wand._

_"How do you know what I am? I've done things that would shock you," Draco said his voice wavering. he was trying his best to seem composed and strong, just like his father wanted him to be._

_"Oh, like cursing Katie Bell and hoping that in return she would bear a cursed necklace to me? Like replacing a bottle of mead with one lace with poison. Forgive me, Draco, I cannot help feel these actions are so weak that your... heart can't really have been in."_

_Albus' words held true. Draco couldn't cast a killing curse, he didn't have it in him. Bellatrix had made him practice on animals over the summer. Draco had failed each time, getting himself curcioed as a punishment._

_"He trusts me. I was chosen." Draco told him. He barely believed it himself._

_The interaction between the two continued on. With every word exchanged between the two, Draco waited for the others to show up. He was stalling._

_"Draco, years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices. Please let me help you." Dumbledore told him._

_Tears threatened to leave his eyes. He wanted nothing more than a way out, but he couldn't. His mother's life was on the line. He couldn't afford cowardice anymore._

_"I don't want your help. Don't you understand? I have to do this. I have to kill you. Or he's gonna kill me," Draco cried out wishing for another way. His heart panged and guilt overtook him._

_He heard steps coming up from behind him. It was the other death eaters. He prayed for someone else to do his task for him._

_Their conversation happened around him. He was beginning to dissociate. He let the scene around him fade away in the night._

_He was interrupted as Bellatrix stood over his shoulder. His aunt taunted him. Her dirty breath against his neck._

_It was time._

_He lifted his wand, trying to find the power to cast the curse. Tears left his eyes and the words were stuck in the back of his throat. He tried to force them out when he was interrupted._

_"No," Snape said from behind him. He turned his head and lowered this wand with relief. Snape was his salvation in that moment._

_" Severus. Please..." Albus begged._

_"Avada Kedavra," the emotionless words left his mouth in a string of green light into Dumbledore's chest. It was as if time was frozen as his body fell from the astronomy tower. He fell from the highest point at Hogwarts to the ground. He was damned to his death; damned to fall from grace._

_Draco felt like he died that day. Oh, how he wished he did._

_In a silent moment away from the death eaters that night, he raised his wand letting light glow from the tip._

_***_

Imprisonment isn't always as literal as being locked away in a cell. Draco learned that from the time he entered the world to his time spent in Azkaban.   
  
  


**A/N**

**I realize this was a dark chapter. I just think Draco's backstory deserved to be heard without interruptions.**

**The next chapter is on Dec. 17th.**


	13. Chapter 13; H

Draco was so frustrating. He left Hermione with millions of questions; every time she found another piece of him there was even more to find. He was impossible in the best way. He challenged her. He made the cogs and gears run in her mind, and she needed it.

She had to admit to herself that she had to communicate with him for her own survival. She couldn't keep to herself any longer. As much as she hated him, she couldn't continue down a path of destruction. Her mind couldn't take the silence any longer. The isolation would start affecting her and she couldn't allow that. She had to utilize him.

"Malfoy," she scooted herself near the vent. She figured they should discuss their options.

"Who else would it be?"

"How good are you at wandless magic?" She inquired. She needed to assess his strengths. They had to find a way to survive here. It would be more productive to work together.

"I am fairly efficient at it. What did you have in mind," he said in a calm voice with surprisingly no hint of sarcasm.

"Well, I figured we should try to strengthen ourselves in case we ever need to fight. If there is ever an opportunity to escape, we have to be ready," she explained to him.

Her physical strength had been deteriorating. If there was an opportunity to escape, she wasn't sure that she would be able to make it far, especially without a wand. She had never pushed herself when practicing wandless magic. It required lots of focus and strength. She didn't know how far she could push herself.

"Agreed. How are we to practice defending ourselves alone in our cells," he countered.

She paused for a moment trying to think of a solution. He was right. They needed to be able to practice defending themselves. They needed to be able to spar.

"I suppose until we can find a way into each other's cells then we will just have to deal with it. I will try to brainstorm ideas in the meantime," she told him. Finding a way into each other's cells was a problem for another day.

"Someone is eager to find their way in here," Draco said mocking her. He lacked boundaries and lived to be as annoying as possible.

"Don't be a prat Malfoy, this is purely survival."

"I bet it is," he reeked with sarcasm. Could he not take anything seriously?

"You can stop with the cheekiness," Hermione said unamused. It was tiring having to deal with someone who made it their mission to irritate you.

"Now, why would I want to do that. It obviously gets under your skin Granger. Does it bother you to think of being in such close proximity to me?"

Draco never knew when to leave well enough alone. He always kept pushing until you reached the tipping point.

"Bollocks come off it. I am not like all the girls at Hogwarts fawning over you. Merlin, you have such a big ego," Hermione exasperated.

"That's not the only—," she cut him off before he could finish that sentence.

"Malfoy, if you don't shut it, I will personally come through the wall to beat your arse."

Were they bantering? Hermione shook her head. He was just in a strangely good mood today. She decided not to question it and just be thankful.

"Fine, fine. Should have known a prude like you can't take a joke."

There he was. Classic Draco. This was him in a good mood; poking fun at you until you went mental.

"Yes, I can. You're just being vulgar."

"Funny that you would expect any less, he said.

She could just imagine his smug face in the other room. She wanted to slap the look off of his face.

"We can talk about this later Malfoy; I'm going to bed." She said moving from the vent.

Hermione was rather tired. She figured she would try to lay down. She had no idea if it was night or day, the lack of windows made sure to that. She got up from her spot on the floor and made her way to the metal slab for a bed. It was very uncomfortable and sometimes she opted for the floor. She had to find a way to transfigure it into a real bed. She mentally noted that she should practice that later.

She pulled down her pants, wrapping them up into a makeshift pillow. She figured she would sacrifice her warmth for a place to lay her head on. She lowered her head onto her pillow and closed her eyes.

Falling asleep had the most difficult part here. The screams were her only lullabies. Sleeping was the easy part, getting there was not.

Hermione shut her eyes. She tried to imagine she was back in the library with the carpeted floor and Crookshanks nuzzled up to her chest. She visualized the scene from her dream wishing she could go back.

The cell faded around her giving way to the safety of the library. She pictured herself there, willing herself to believe it was true.

She found herself drifting to sleep, her only escape from it all.

_Hermione opened her eyes to find that she was back inside of the Hogwarts library. Her heartbeat with joy. She was thankful that she could come back to this place in her dreams. She ran through the shelves of books taking in the whole scene._

_"Funny isn't it," a voice said from behind her._

_She jumped up. She hadn't expected anyone else to be here since it was her dream. She cursed her subconscious for allowing Draco to be here._

_"Of course, I wouldn't be able to enjoy even my own dreams Malfoy," she rolled her eyes._

_He sauntered over towards her, his walk was so powerful. He rested his arm against the bookshelf right next to her. She fidgeted, uncomfortable at the distance between them. He was so close._

_"Part of me thinks you enjoy this,' he leaned in and whispered in her ear._

_Her breath hitched and shivers were sent down her spine. She didn't know how to react. Before she could say anything, he lifted a piece of her hair and placed it behind her ear._

_"Or this—" He said touching the base of the neck. She was frozen in her spot. This was not happening._

It's just a dream. It's not real. _She told herself._

_Draco leaned his head down near her neck. She could feel his every breath, each one giving her goosebumps. His fingers pushed her hair to the side. Her eyes closed taking it all in._

_"I can see I was right," he whispered in her ear causing her heart to race._

_The next thing that happened took her breath away._

_He pressed his lips to her neck causing her to writhe underneath him. His other hand tightened around her back, pulling her closer. He nipped at the most sensitive spots, sucking and swirling his tongue against her._

_It's just a dream. It wouldn't hurt to give in; to take the pomegranate seeds beckoning her to stay in this world for eternity._

_"Please—"_

_He showered kisses up her neck before making his way up to her lips. He looked up at her with his grey eyes hungry for more. He licked her bottom lip, tasting her. She shuttered in his grasp. His hand migrated its way from the back of her neck to the front, tightening his grip on her._

_The moment their lips touched it a fire ignited in her chest making its way down to her abdomen. He tasted like mint and his cologne overwhelmed her. Their lips moved in sync with so much passion, discovering every inch of each other. It was so dirty, so wrong._

_His fingers wrapped around her neck constricting her air. It was euphoric. She pushed herself onto him until there was no space separating them any longer. Draco let out a low groan._

_" You like it when I do this don't you," he whispered._

_Hermione nodded her head pressing her lips back against his. Her hands were around his neck, linking herself to him._

_He pulled his lips away leaving her wanting more. He looked into her eyes, wanting her to submit to him._

_"Say it. Tell me how dirty this makes you feel," Draco demanded. She looked up into his eyes willing to give in to the temptation, willing to risk it all._

_Realization choked her._

_She shook her head. This was wrong. She pulled away and stumbled from him. Dream or not she didn't want to do this anymore._

_"Leave me alone—this is my dream." She stuttered nervously and ashamed of what just happened. She had just been snogging him— and she enjoyed it._

_Just like that, he was gone, and she was alone in the library. She caught her breath and smoothed down her clothes. She was horrified that her mind would think of such things. She let herself get out of control. The isolation was getting to her. She was just touch-deprived. That was the only explanation for what had just happened._

_Exhausted she laid down on the carpet. She let out a sigh. Crookshanks meowed, curling into her chest. This was what was supposed to have happened. Just her and her pet, no dark boys asking her to submit under their touch._

It was only a dream. No one would ever know.

_She tried to reassure herself. There was no harm in having a dream about Draco Malfoy, the only consequence was her own personal embarrassment. He would never know out it._

_This library was her space—never seen by another soul._

_Or so she thought._   
  
  


**A/N**   
**Before anyone says this is too soon, please realize what happened in the library is not real.** **I'd love to hear your theories though.**

**The next chapter will be on Dec. 19th.**


	14. Chapter 14; D

Draco paced back and forth alongside the wall in his cell.

_Why did I do that?_

He clenched his fists, rearing them back to punch the wall. His fist collided, causing his knuckles to slice open.

"Fucking idiot," he scolded himself.

It was all supposed to be an act. He had a role to play and he had done that in the library with her. He was not supposed to enjoy it; to let himself harden against her body. He was supposed to be the one seducing her, making her want him.

He had used legitimacy to get inside of her head, making her think she had a dream about him. What she didn't know was that he was actually there, and he could feel everything. He could feel the way her hands were in his hair, her lips against his, her writhing underneath him. He could feel a small part of her crack, allowing herself to submit to him.

He failed though. She was the one who pulled away first, giving her all the power. It was all about the first step though; it was about planting the seed in her mind.

He could never let her know it was actually him. He would not speak of it. He would let her think her subconscious caused it because she had feelings for him. She could never let him find out he was puppeteering the whole thing. If she found out his whole plan would blow up.

The kiss meant nothing to him. It was a simple calculated move in order to get what he wanted. It was a means to an end. Of course, he was aroused, he hadn't touched another human the way he touched her in what seemed to be years.

Pansy used to be his fuck buddy before he couldn't bear to touch anyone anymore. She was also a means to an end. She knew he had no feelings for her. He just needed someone to ease the pressure he felt.

Their fling came to an end sixth year when he was given his mission to kill Dumbledore. He was sick to his stomach when it happened. He withdrew from everyone, pushing them away.

Of course, his parents thought they were meant to be. They wanted him to marry a pureblood. He couldn't sully the Malfoy line. He had a duty to a hundred years of purity. It was just another hold on him. Another thing he had no choice but to do.

His heart did not have the capacity to love, so who he married never phased him. It would be arranged without any love attached to it. He never was taught how to love, to treat a girl, to let someone in. He spent so many years keeping people that the walls surrounding him felt like home. So, forgive him for wanting an easy fuck with no strings attached.

He saw how Lucius treated his mother. That was the only example of love that he had. His mother was trapped with no way out, and Draco was a reminder of that. He was her child, binding her to Lucius forever.

She had made all the bad choices: she married a man who had no regard for anyone. A man who held their whole family hostage by making them serve the dark lord with no way out.

He wondered where Narcissa was and if she was safe.

He felt numb. She was probably being punished for his insurgence. For his fight or flight kicking in, causing him to run. He was a disappointment. He was too weak.

He wondered who else was put in Azkaban for rebelling. He prayed to himself that no other Order members were here, or worse killed. They had to come to save him and Granger. They were his only hope ironically.

He doubted his father would want to free him, and because of this, his mother wouldn't be able to come for him. He didn't want her to. Her aiding in his escape would get her killed. He would never be able to forgive himself if she died in order to save him.

His thoughts were so heavy they could fill the whole room. They choked him. They did most nights. The screams drowned them out for the most part.

He figured it was late since Hermione already went to bed. He walked over to his bed and laid down. He had to dissociate in order to sleep.

***

The next day, Draco decided he would initiate the conversation. After his encounter with Hermione in the library, it would help him get to her. The seed was planted he just had to water it.

"Granger," he said through the vent.

"You called," she said in a sarcastic tone. She could never just be normal.

"Find a way to make your way in here yet?" He said teasing her.

He did this on purpose. She must have been blushing from the other side of the wall because she took a moment to respond.

"Malfoy are you incapable of being decent," she said deflecting the question. He knew she was thinking about what happened in the library, how their lips touched.

"Nope. You'd think being stuck here would make us closer, but here you are still resisting me."

This was ironic for several reasons. She hadn't resited to anything, she was begging for him while his hand was wrapped around her throat.

"I'm not resisting anything. You can't resist if there isn't something you want." Another lie.

He knew that she wanted him. A part of him was thankful she pulled away though. He didn't want to have to do anything more than what was required. He couldn't stand her. Sure he could spare snogging her, but having to talk to her was torture.

"Someone's fiery today, did I hit a nerve?"

He wanted to make her feel ashamed for giving in to the dirty fantasies of the library. He wanted her to squirm. It was all part of his manipulation because when she finally gave in fully, there was no going back.

"The vent is attached with screws. I have no doubt that they are magically bonded to the metal. I could fit through the vents but that isn't the issue. The problem is unscrewing them." Hermione said ignoring what he said

"All this talk about screwing is—"

He knew just how to get under her skin.

"Don't finish that sentence," she said in a stern voice.

"Would alohomora work? I know it isn't a lock, but in a sense, it is, because it is keeping the vent from opening," he said the first thing he could think of. He didn't if know if she could perform it wandless, and even if she could it may not even work.

He thought about what it did mean if she could come over to his side of the wall. They would be able to practice combat which brought Draco some joy. He needed someone to take his anger out on, and Granger would be the perfect person for the job.

"That's a possibility, I can try to come up with some variations of the charm," she said.

Of course, she would. She was a know-it-all for a reason.

"Look at us, working together," he joked.

"And here I thought you were a complete tosser. Forgive me, the years of tormenting me must have been a misunderstanding," she said.

Draco didn't deny being a bully, he knew he was one. He never tried to defend his actions or justify them. He did what most kids do when they have a bad home life—hurt others.

He hated that he wasn't enough for his father. All he wanted was for his father to be proud of him. Nothing he ever did compared to Harry or Hermione. Lucius was never satisfied. Draco was not smart enough, successful enough, strong enough, the list went on and on.

A slytherin unable to succeed was a dangerous one.

Anger and resentment intensified in him at such a young age. His occluded to the point where he felt nothing, allowing him to hurt others with little remorse. He never cared if Hermione was a muggle-born or not, it was just about doing the most damage he could. He used what he knew would hurt her to make himself feel better.

It got worse with age.

He became so well at dissociating that his life was no longer his own. He was merely a passenger. He became what his father wanted him to be and what others expected of him. He was a cold, apathetic death eater.

He never wanted to be one. He was filled with self-disgust for who he became. He was too far from salvation and to be frank he didn't deserve it. His dark mark was a reminder that solidified that. He stared at it every day wishing he could rip it from his skin and watch his blood drip from the wound.

He knew the emptiness inside him would never go away.

A part of him liked being in Azkaban. There were no responsibilities, no expectations. He didn't have to live up to the Malfoy name. He could just be the boy on the other side of the wall.

Granger was the only thing keeping him from ridding himself of his past. She was a constant reminder of his sins. She was his antithesis.

He hated her for making him need her in order to escape. He hated that he had to pretend to like her. He hated that when he kissed her it felt like he was satan's demon kissing heaven's angel. He was damning her, ruining her, for his own use.

As much as he despised her this was just another person he destroyed; it was more proof he deserved the emptiness he felt in his chest.

**A/N**

**I know this was an uneventful chapter I'm sorry.** **I hope it gave you insight on what happened in the library. He used legilimancy on her, so what happened in her mind was not real, but it felt real. Draco is able to create visions in her mind, allowing him to create anything he wants her to see.**

**The next chapter will be on Dec 21.**


	15. Chapter 15; H

**Note** : **The map pictured above is useful for later in the chapter. It helps with visualizing.** **T** **his chapter will be focusing on numbers 17 and 25.**

*******

Hermione tried to brainstorm ways to get into Draco's side of the wall.

She knew she had to do it in order to get closer to him and put her plan in motion. Not to mention, she was weak and needed someone to practice wandless magic with. She needed a fighting partner. She had no doubts in her mind he would take advantage of that.

What he didn't know was that she was putting off working on a solution. She wanted to wait to go on his side of the wall until he hit rock bottom. If she waited until he was vulnerable, then he would be more susceptible to her manipulation.

So, she sat there, brainstorming ideas she wouldn't use until the right time. Even if she found out tomorrow how to get into his room, she wouldn't do it.

It was all about exploiting his weaknesses; finding the right moment to strike.

The old Hermione would have never done this. She would find a way out without taking advantage of someone else and using their weaknesses against them. She wouldn't resort to this kind of manipulation.

The old Hermione died the day Harry did: the day she was locked in Azkaban.

A part of her fractured when she saw his lifeless body, another when she woke up in her cell. The Gryffindor died inside her. She had realized she would do anything in order to escape Azkaban and win the war, it didn't matter who got in her way. It was all about survival, and she would destroy Draco if that's what it took.

She was reborn into a serpent destined to tempt him.

It would take time. She had to be careful, calculated and methodical in how she approached him. Everything she said to him had a greater purpose in her plan.

As big as her distaste for him was, she had to play her part. She had to make him like her. She had to become exactly what he needed. She had to consume him, his thoughts, and influence his actions. She would whore herself in order to escape. Her morals were cast aside when it came to him.

And it infuriated her that she was bound to him, that she needed him. It boiled her insides that she had to accommodate him. She wanted nothing more than to watch him rot in Azkaban and deteriorate in front of her.

Her only escape was also the chains that bound her. He took a part of her away. Having to make him fall for her shackled her just as much as being here in the first place.

As much as she wished for The Order to save her, it was impractical. Harry was dead and she didn't get a good look at what happened to the others when she was taken. For all she knew they were dead or held hostage being tortured.

So, her only option was Draco's parents coming back for him. She didn't care if she had to kill all of them once she was released from Azkaban. It was a price she was willing to pay. She would do whatever it took to kill the snake.

Voldemort was dying and Nagini was the last Horcrux. It was possible he created another, but he was far too weak to let another part of his soul fracture. She tried to push the thoughts away.

_Nagini was the only one left._

Hermione had to tell herself this.

She stood up and paced back and forth across the cell. She silently practiced spells trying to strengthen herself. Without a partner there she couldn't practice any defensive magic, but she could try other useful ones.

Even if she escaped, she wouldn't have a wand. She had to vitalize the magic she had flowing in her body. While it would be harder to practice magic without a wand, it wasn't impossible. It required intense focus and power. She knew she possessed those qualities; she had done it before. Being in a weakened state was a disadvantage she hadn't had before. 

She decided she would try transfiguration. It would be highly valuable on the run and the duration of her time spent here. She could create weapons, give herself a real bed; the possibilities were endless. There were few limitations to it, only five to be precise: Gamp's law of elemental transfiguration detailed them. 

She remembered McGonagall telling her it was a very disciplined form of magic. It was one that required her to be exact and intentional in what she did.

She lowered herself on the floor and picked up a rock; there was no better to start than the present. She rubbed it in her hand taking in its energy. She decided she would turn it into a book to help her pass the time. It should be simple enough.

She focused and refined her intention, thinking of a specific book she wanted. She whispered under her breath, feeling her magic flow inside of her. She shut her eyes tightly trying to will the rock to transform.

When she was ready she peaked her eyes open to find the rock still sitting in front of her. Sighing and rubbing her temple, she decided to try once again...and again...and again.

She spent hours with no prevail.

She scolded herself for not being successful. Her body felt weak from all the failed attempts, her eyelids were heavy, and she needed some rest. She got up from her spot on the floor and went to her bed.

She crawled on top of the cold bed and let herself drift away.

***

_She opened her eyes to find herself inside the library again. She filled with excitement and gratitude for being able to escape._

_She talked through the library, picking up several books on wandless magic and transfiguration before sitting at one of the desks lined up against the shelves. She began to open the book when she heard a voice, ruining her peaceful dream._

_"So, what are we reading?" Draco said walking over to her. He was tall towering over her shoulder trying to get a good look at her books._

_"Wouldn't you like to know?" She turned in her chair looking up at him._

_"Actually, I would, it's pretty boring being alone." He said to her in a genuine tone._

_It was obvious to her this was just the version of Draco her mind came up with. A version of him who was kind._

_"Well since I know you won't stop bothering me until I say so, I'm reading on wandless magic and transfiguration. Unfortunately, I can't stay in this dream forever, so I have to find a way out." Hermione explained to him._

_He moved from behind her and pulled out a chair for himself. He sat down and looked at her with eyes that weren't the empty ones she was used to seeing. Draco was healthy here, they both were. The weight of Azkaban was erased in her dreams._

_"Well, what's stopping you...from saying here forever?" He asked her._

_She paused for a moment taking in those words. She would do anything to be able to stay here as long as she wanted—to let all of her worries fade away into the books._

_"It's a dream, I can't live in a reality that isn't my own, not when people out there are getting killed." She told him._

_It was easier for her to talk to him here. He was a different person from the one on the other side of the wall._

_"Fair enough." He said looking at her._

_She knew Draco wasn't real—just a figure of her imagination—but it felt nice to be able to talk to him. He wasn't the arsehole she had come to know during their years spent at Hogwarts. Here in the library, he was just normal._

_"Do you think we can go to other places in the castle, or are we just bound to this library," Hermione said looking around. It was her dream, so she figured she could control it._

_"Well let's see."_

_They both stood up from their spot in the library, pushed their chairs in, and began walking towards the exit._

_They walked down through the library towards the door. They followed the cases full of books until they met the door of the library. Outside of the doorway, there was a corridor. Hermione looked around to find a long hallway._

_"I guess we have our answer," Draco said turning to look at her._

_It was cold and dark—but not in the way Azkaban was. It was comforting. They walked their way through the hallway and made their way towards to exit of the castle into the middle courtyard. There were arches opening outside._

_Neither of them had to say they wanted to go outside. They both just knew._

_They both walked through the archways, exposing themselves to the courtyard. There was a fountain in the middle and birds chirping in the air._

_When the air hit her skin, she felt reborn. She ran past Draco and twirled in the sun. The wind blew through her hair and she felt free. It had been over a month since she had seen light. She took in all the sun and sprawled out against the grass._

_"Isn't it just beautiful?" She said breathing in the air._

_"Yeah, it is."_   
  
  


**A/N**

**The rest of their journey outside will be in Draco's POV in the next chapter. I will be posting it on Dec. 23. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Also when Hermione thinks she is in a dream, please remember she is wrong. Her mind is not controlling what is happening.**


	16. Chapter 16; D

_The wind blew in her hair, making it float through the wind effortlessly. It was a warm spring day, with flowers blooming throughout the courtyard._

_Hermione laid sprawled out in the grass. She looked fresh, rejuvenated, and almost heavenly. Flowers surrounded her, and she took it all in spreading her arms out and laughing in disbelief._

_Draco bit the inside of his cheek. As much as he hated her, he couldn't deny she looked beautiful in the sun's rays. Her curls laid out around her face, framing her perfectly. Her eyes sparkled and she looked new._

_After so long of being in Azkaban, they both had lost so much of themselves. Here they were brand new, reborn, the scene around them reflected that. Spring symbolized rebirth and the start of a new journey, he hadn't meant for that to happen. In truth, he didn't know what he was going to see when they walked out of the castle._

_He chuckled to himself and brought himself down to sit in the grass next to her._

_In this world he had created, he could be anyone he wanted to be. Hermione thought it was just a dream—so anything he did would be blamed on her subconscious. The Malfoy name that bound him was gone when he was here._

_He wished he could stay here forever, but he couldn't create these visions for himself. They were only available to him when he put them in her mind. It was selfish of him to use her for his own reasons. To rape her mind with visions that he wanted for himself._

_It took a lot out of him to create this world. He could feel the magic siphoning from his body, taking his energy as it left. Every vision he created using legilimancy weakened him. It was subtle at first, barely noticeable, but as he continued it took more of him._

_That was the price he had to pay to bask in the sun that warmed him, to warm his cold-blooded soul._

_"Malfoy," Hermione said sitting up from her spot in the grass._

_"Yes," he said with a smirk on his face._

_"Why can't you be like this all the time? I know I'm technically talking to myself since this is my dream, but let's entertain the thought that this is actually you." She said looking at him with curious eyes._

_"Here there is no past, no future, just now. I can be whoever I want to here, I don't have to be the bully, the death eater, the person my father wants me to be, or the person everyone thinks I am. I can just be here in this moment. No expectations," he said to her._

_"That's sad, I didn't realize—"_

_"Granger let's just live in this moment. It does no good to dwell in the past." He said looking at her._

_She nodded her head and laid back on the ground._

_She was almost likable here, he dare say it. She left her past behind when she was here too. She wasn't the know-it-all, self-righteous, golden girl he had been accustomed to. She was just a girl happy to be laying in the courtyard, breeze running through her curls._

_He let himself indulge in fantasies of being here forever. He let his memories of the war fade away into the blue skies. Here he could let all his walls down. This vision was in a vacuum—it was separated from reality._

_He didn't realize Hermione was staring at him until she spoke._

_"You don't have your mark here, why?" She asked, moving her hand to his arm to touch the spot it once was._

_Draco pulled away from her grasp. She ruined the moment for him._

_"It doesn't matter. I'm leaving."_

_Draco got up from the lawn and walked back towards the archways leading him back inside. He didn't look back at her. He made his way through them, disappearing from the vision when his was out of her sight._

***

Draco's eyes opened with a groan. He was back in the cold cell—it was quite the juxtaposition from the vision. He was once shackled again.

His body ached and the metal slab he was laying on didn't help. His head pounded like he had been hit with a bunch of bricks. He rubbed his temple and tried to sit up. He shifted his weight on his arms, trying to push himself up. His arms shook under him and he gave up, laying back down.

He was weak. He had probably lost fifteen pounds. He was lean before, skinny, but he had muscle. Now, he was deteriorating at a fast rate. His ribs were starting to show, and his collar bones peaked from the cloth of his shirt.

He was ugly. There was no way around it. He often avoiding looking at himself in the mirror because he was no longer the man who was groomed to be the heir of a fortune. His hair was not combed back, it was growing over his ears unkept. His eyes were sunken in with bags underneath them and his cheekbones and jawline were grotesquely prominent. He had stubble growing on his face making him look disheveled. He was dirty.

He was tall and lanky now, instead of being broad and powerful in his stance. All those years making himself prim and proper were long gone. The person his father spent years turning him into went down the drain after he was sentenced here.

He remembered what his father was like when he got back from Azkaban. He was a shell of the man he was. He had constant tremors and withdrew within himself. He became quiet and almost skittish in the presence of the Dark Lord.

Draco knew that was his fate if he didn't die first. That was the whole point of being here—you either went mental or died in the process. His aunt Bellatrix was an example of that.

He wondered how long Hermione would last. She was resilient, but Azkaban could break the strongest of witches and wizards. He almost felt guilty for capitalizing on her breaking. He needed her to break so he could use her vulnerability.

When she did break, she would need him, and when he came to her rescue, she would fall for him. It was inevitable.

Time here moved slow, taking bits of you as it went by. The isolation took its time on you, altering you forever.

After months of never seeing another soul, touching someone, or feeling even the slightest bit of intimacy, it wouldn't matter who it was. She would latch herself on to the first person who was there. Her psyche would convince her she had feelings.

It was her own rotten luck. He needed out of here, and she was his out. It was nothing personal.

***

Draco picked at the food given to him. He knew he had to eat to keep his strength up, but the food was so awful he had to choke it down. He had been making an effort to eat is food, he couldn't afford to lose any more weight.

He sat next to the vent wondering if he should speak to Hermione. He didn't want to be too nice too soon because she would realize it was all an act, but he was rather bored.

"Granger, psst, Granger," he said trying to get her attention.

"Yes Malfoy, what are you at this time?"

He thought for a moment. He hadn't had anything to say, he tried to come up with an excuse to talk to her.

"If you could leave this place, and there was no war, where would you go?" He figured it would be beneficial to get to know her so he could influence the visions he gave her.

"I suppose I would go home and see my family. It's been so long, I would just want to be able to see them again," she told him exposing a part of herself.

Guilt crept in him, he tried to ignore it but it gave him a pit in his stomach. He would be using her answer against her. He was going to exploit her vulnerability.

So, he noted it in the back of his mind. When he was strong enough, he was going to help her see them again.

And eventually, when she found out it was him; she would be appreciative and thank him. It would be a way for him to gain her trust.

He didn't want to manipulate her and use her, that was just who he has. He took and took until there was nothing left. All of his mistakes proved that. She was just another victim of being in the way of something Draco needed.   
  
  


**A/N**

**The next update will be on Dec. 25**

**Also don't take this as Draco going soft. Toxic Draco will be back soon, trust me. His actions and his thoughts don't align. He doesn't like Hermione, he just has to be nice to her to get what he wants. Don't forget that.**


	17. Chapter 17; H

**A/N Listen to Innocent by Taylor Swift. Trust me on this one.**

Hermione cursed herself for revealing that information to him. She knew it would show him that she trusted him and that she was willing to open up to him, but she wished she had made something up.

No one knew what happened to her parents besides Harry and Ron, and she decided to keep it that way. Obliviating them was the hardest thing she had ever done, and almost brought her to tears every time she thought about it. The war was far from over, and she doubted she could even reverse the damage she had done to them.

She wanted nothing more than to see them again. She didn't even care if they had no memory of her. She just wanted to hear their voices and see their faces. Even if she was a stranger to them, it didn't matter. She just missed them with her full heart.

She didn't want to let Draco see how much his question affected her, so she tried to collect herself and move on.

"What about you? Where would you go?" She asked him.

If he was going to crawl in and see her deepest desire it would only be fair to ask him the same. If she could get him to let his guard down, then she could use his answer against him.

"I would go back to before first year. Back when I had a clean slate and no responsibilities." He said at almost a whisper.

Draco was a complete mystery. On the outside, he seemed to be emotionless with no regard for others. There was a part of him that cared—that cared too much. She could tell he spent so long trying to build walls around himself.

You can't lose anyone if you didn't have anyone to lose in the first place.

She made it her mission to knock down those walls. Getting past them was the key to him. If he let her in, he would never be able to push her out again.

Draco was lonely. He had no one. He had never let a soul in. She could tell that he wished someone would try, but no one ever did. No one tried to get to know the bully. They never stopped themselves to ask why he acted that way. They just tossed him aside.

She knew at that moment she had to show him that she cared when no one else ever did. Yes, it was manipulative, but she needed out of here. She needed to win the war and he was just a means to an end.

"I would give anything to go back to when everything was so much simpler. The days when the only thing I had to worry about was going to a new school," Hermione said to him, hoping it would make him feel better to know she understood how he felt. She had a role to play.

"It seems like another lifetime," he sighed. There was a longing in his voice, a longing that wanted to erase every wrong choice he ever made.

"You know Malfoy, it's never too late to be someone else. There is always a way to turn things around." Hermione tried to make him realize that he didn't have to be the person he once was. He no longer had to close himself off from everyone.

Of course, it was all a part of her plan, but it benefitted her for him to open up.

"That's easy for you to say, you're miss perfect." He said in an irritated voice.

She had tried her best to reason with him and ease him into opening up. Instead, he acted like this. Her life was far from perfect, and she was tired of him making it seem like it was.

Death eaters took everything from her, and he was one of them. How was she supposed to show him sympathy when he constantly rejected it. It made it hard for her to keep up the act. As much as she needed to win him over, she couldn't hold her anger in.

"You can never just listen to me. You'd rather just wallow in self-pity. We have all done things we aren't proud of, but it's your choice to try and redeem yourself or not. You can sit here and wish you were a child again, that you still have the innocence and naivety about the world, or you can suck it up and realize none of us have that anymore. We all have lost pieces of ourselves from the war." She raged through the vent.

She was about to speak again when he interrupted her.

"You will never know what it was like for me Granger, never. I don't expect you to know. I've seen things you would never dream of in your worst nightmares. And I was just a kid. I was supposed to be worried about girls and quidditch, not becoming a killer, and worrying if my mother was going to make it to the next day or not. So kindly, shut the fuck up," he said through the vent. His words stung like knives in her chest.

A part of her almost felt guilty for what she had said but she couldn't let that distract her. Draco had revealed an essential piece of information, a clue she could use to crack him open: his mother. She filed this in the back of her mind for later.

The guilty part of her shrank away though. All the lives lost rang in the back of her head. How could they even compare to what he went through? He had lost no one.

"You think I haven't gone through anything Malfoy? Do you think I haven't lost anyone? Fred. Harry. Tonks. Remus. Sirius. Lavender. Dumbledore. My own parents don't even know who I am anymore. Shall I go on? Those are all the victims that your side has murdered in cold blood. So, forgive me if I don't care about your sob story. We all have one."

In the moment she hadn't realized she revealed a secret of her own. A secret that he should not have heard.

The silence from his side was loud. She could tell she had hurt him. This was counterproductive for her.

"That's it, isn't it. Because I was raised on the wrong side, I have no right to have my own feelings about what happened. And to think for a second I felt sorry for you. Fuck you." His voice broke.

She was supposed to be winning him over, not pushing him away. With every step she was got closer to him, she also put back ten.

Hermione was so frustrated. She was so angry at Draco. He was impossible. He never failed to get under her skin and make her wish she never said a word to him.

Mourn crept inside of her for all those that lost their lives in the war. Her heart hurt for all the daughters, sons, fathers, and mothers who woke up with a piece missing from their family.

She didn't know if she wanted to cry or scream. She stood up breathing heavy and running her hands through her hair. She sat down on her bed trying to steady her breath and calm herself down.

She missed her parents. She just wanted to be held. She wanted to go home.

She thought about all the Christmases she spent at home during the Holiday. It was a small break from Hogwarts during the year when she could put everything aside. She could pretend she wasn't a witch with huge responsibilities, but instead just a girl with her family.

Hermione laid down on the metal bed and squeezed her eyes shut. Tears threatened to escape, but she just laid there trying to ignore them.

She imagined baking cookies, going ice skating, decorating the tree, and all the other joys of the holiday season that she experienced with her parents over the years. She tried to imagine the way they would embrace her in their arms, the way their voices sounded saying "I love you," but the memories were distant. They were fading, and her heart broke with the idea that one day she may not remember at all.

She sobbed softly into her arms. She wished she could just fall asleep. She was desperate for an escape.

***

_The smell of gingerbread woke Hermione up. She hadn't realized she fell asleep crying._

_She lifted her head up and opened her eyes to reveal her bedroom. It was purple with photos on the wall and a bookcase filled with her favorite books. She was home._

_The last time she had seen her bedroom was the day she obliviated them. It was bittersweet to be back._

_But..._

_Could her parents be there?_

_Her heart raced and she bolted up as fast as she could, getting out of bed and running to the stairs._   
_When she met the railing, her heart split, and tears fell from her face._

_She could hear her mom humming from the kitchen and her father sitting on the couch watching a movie on the telly._

_She didn't even care if they remembered her or not. She had to see them. She ran as fast as she could down the stairs and into the kitchen. She caught her mom off guard with a huge hug nearly knocking her over._

_"Well someone's in a good mood. Sweetie, the gingerbread cookies are almost done. Get your father, I'm sure he wants some," her mother said in a warm voice._

_She remembered._

_Hermione could barely stand she was filled with so much happiness. She walked through the door frame into the living area. Lights twinkled and the Christmas tree stood filled with intricate ornaments._

_A muggle Christmas movie played in the background and her father sat chuckling to himself. She walked over to him and told him, "Mom said the cookies are ready."_

_"Let's go decorate them then 'Mione," he said embracing her._

_She wanted to take in this moment forever. The smell of gingerbread, the lights, the warmth, her parents. She wanted to etch it into her memory and keep it safe. Even if it wasn't real and it was just a figment of her imagination, she wanted to believe it was._

_"I love you, both of you," she told them. It was the last time she would be able to say it._

"We love you too pretty girl," her mother said pushing Hermione's hair back. She placed a kiss on her cheek, and her dad held her close.

_She didn't let the moment die. She held it close because she knew when she woke up, she would be alone again and her parents would have no recollection of her._

_Because just like Christmas, this moment was magical and beautiful—only coming around once in a while—but soon would fade fast._   
  
  


**A/N**

**Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**I would like to point out that yes, Draco was mad at her but still decided to get into her mind (even though he wasn't strong enough) for a reason. Nothing either of them does is unintentional.**

**The next chapter will be on Dec. 27th.**


	18. Chapter 18; D

Draco fractured inside.

He had already known what others thought of him but this solidified it. No one in the entirety of the world cared for him besides his mother—and her safety was unknown.

Granger's words pierced his skin and left cracks willing him to fall apart. Everything was his fault. He was disgusting: a death eater, a bully, and a coward. He would forever be marked by the symbol that fueled his self-hatred. He would forever be reminded that he was worthless.

The bad part was he didn't even want to change. He had no one to change for. He had done his best pushing everyone away that in the end, even if he changed for the better no one would notice or care.

It was easier to be cold. He never had to live up to any expectations—people expected him to be a shitty person so when he was they weren't disappointed.

He tried to be angry at Hermione, but she was right. Everything she said about him was true.

If you are constantly regarded as being malicious, apathetic, and heartless, you might as well fill the role others create for you.

One thing she said hit a nerve though. She said her parents didn't remember her. She didn't elaborate but he felt sorry for her.

Draco was weak. He had been weak from the last time he used legilimancy on Hermione. This didn't stop him though. He was going to help her see her parents again.

He was selfish in this action. He did this act of kindness for her in order to make him feel better about himself. He wanted to feel good for just a moment. He wanted to feel like he had finally done something right.

In order for it to work he had to use a memory of her parents, but manipulate it in such a way that she could interact with them. It took a lot of patience and focus on Draco's part.

He knew he was succeeding when he could feel the magic and energy draining from his body, leaving him crumpled on the floor.

***

_After allowing her to visit her parents,_ _Hermione_ _eventually_ _fell asleep on the couch wrapped in_ _their_ _arms._

_Draco decided to conjure the library again. He wanted a safe place he could just be_ _away from his past. He needed someone to talk to, and here Hermione didn't think he was real._

_He just needed a moment to tell someone the truth_ _—_ _to show them his raw self. He wanted to allow himself to feel redeemed, even if it was just in a fake library with a girl who hated him._

_His thoughts were interrupted when Hermione awoke and looked around._

_Draco walked closer to her. He was careful to make her feel safe_ _and let her know that_ _he wouldn't hurt her. He looked her up and down. Her eyes were filled with confusion and a hint of_ _sadness_ _._

_"Malfoy, I'm not in the mood right now. I just want to be alone I_ _—_ _" she started before being interrupted by his finger in front of her mouth._

_"Shh, please just hear me out," he said staring into her eyes. He could feel her breath against his fingers, making it almost impossible for him to stay concentrated._

_"But_ _—"_ _she started to speak again._

_He shook his head signaling her to stop talking. She nodded and let him talk._

_"All my life I have been told to act a certain way, to look a certain way, what to say and what to do. I was taught men don't have feelings because they should be ruthless. I was groomed into the man my father wanted me to be, the heir of the Malfoy line." He said pacing back and forth explaining himself to her. She looked at him, taking in all the information he was telling her._

_"I carried all these responsibilities on my shoulders and with every year it just got worse. I was no longer just a boy, I had all this baggage weighing me down_ _—_ _so I shut everyone out. For so long I was regarded as being a piece of shit person, so I became what everyone thought of me. There are so many things I can't begin to explain to you, but one thing I do know is I want to be good, I want my life to mean something, but I'm just too far gone." He finished, taking a deep breath._

_He walked back over to Hermione, looking at her dead in the eyes, then lowering his glance to her lips._ _He_ _wanted to kiss her until everything faded away._

_"I'm too far gone..." he said with a longing_ _expression_ _in his eyes. He longed to be in another lifetime, one where he was worthy._

_"No one is ever too far gone. It's never too late to choose different. You're in Azkaban for a reason, you did something to defect against the Dark Lord. That is reason enough to see that you aren't ruined." Hermione said looking up at him. The tension between them grew to where it was almost too much for him to take._

_"I'm too ruined for you. You're Gryffindor's princess- the golden girl" he said letting his thumb run over her bottom lip._

_He no longer knew which part of him was acting or not. He was so desperate to fill the emptiness that had made a home inside of him. He wondered if she was the key. If ruining her was his answer._

_"Malfoy I-" she started to say as the space between them closed._

_"I would sully you_ _—_ _damn you for eternity." He said in her ear whispering._

_This moment was what_ _novels_ _were_ _written about. A lust so passionate that it's almost deadly. The lion and the lamb, the devil and an angel_ _,_ _both so perfectly encapsulating this moment._

_He placed a kiss on her neck. One making him want to risk it all_ _and_ _be selfish and take her for himself._

_"This isn't real," she said in a breathy voice, sending him into oblivion._

_"But it can be, don't you see that. I'm trying," Draco said backing up and staring at her. He sounded delusional to her: borderline frightening._

_"No_ _—_ _the real you is in his cell," she stood confused._

_But soon all the pieces began to fit together, and she understood._

_"I've created all of this for you. I've placed this all in your mind because I_ _—_ _" he said frantically moving closer to her._

_It wasn't even her that he particularly wanted. He just needed someone, anyone. He was willing to let his hate_ _for her v_ _anish for the opportunity to finally feel understood._

_She didn't understand though. She backup up from his, falling into a stack of books. She shook her head violently and her breath quickened._

_Draco tried to help her up and was about to lend her a hand when she scrambled away._

_"Stop, stop. This is too much," Hermione said shaking her head. He had visibly upset her._

_He tried to find the words to explain himself and salvage the destruction he had created. He needed Hermione. He would never find a way out of_ _Azkaban_ _without her._

_"Granger--" he started._

_"GET OUT," she screamed at him._

_"I-"_

_"No. You used me. You manipulated me into thinking this was all in my head--that I wanted this. Well, the truth is I don't want you. I was wrong when I said you could change. I want out of here. It was all a lie, even my parents."_ _Tears were streaming down her face and_ _she_ _broke._

***

Hours later he opened his eyes gasping for air.

His body ached and he felt weaker than ever. He could barely move from his spot on the bed, but he forced himself up.

His legs trembled under the weight of him. He walked over to the mirror and gripped the sink, staring at himself in the reflection.

He was disgusted with himself. All the memories of what just happened flooded back. He couldn't handle it all.

"FUCK," he screamed before colliding his fist into the mirror. Shards of glass flew everywhere and blood dripped from his fingertips onto the floor. Pain radiated all over him from his cuts and from using all his energy to use legilimancy. He fell to the floor, his lungs constricting as he went down.

That was what he got for trying to let someone in his walls. She had barely crossed the gates before retreating back.

This all confirmed what he held to be true. It was easier to let the malignance consume him then try to rectify himself in the eyes of Hermione Granger.  
  
  


**A/N**

**Happy chapter, right?**

**The next update will be on December 29th.**


	19. Chapter 19; H

  
Hermione woke up from the vision Draco put inside of her mind. She couldn't register what had just happened.

She gasped for air, it seemed like there was none left.

She choked out sobs, leaning over the side of the bed. It was all too much. The room was spinning around her and she felt like she was going to pass out.

Her stomach churned causing her to run to the toilet, throwing up. She had never felt more disgusted in her whole life. She clutched the rim while she relieved herself. She could barely see through the tears.

"I can't, I can't—" she cried out over and over.

She felt violated in a sense she had never felt before. Her mind was invaded by him, manipulated at his own will. It was no longer her own. Everything she had experienced in the library was articulated by him, even her parents.

She tried to pull her hair back and force herself to breathe but it felt impossible. Everything they talked about and did in her dreams rushed back to her. Except they weren't dreams, but instead legilimancy.

He took advantage of her. If she knew it was actually him she would have never given in under his touch. The only reason she did was because she thought it wasn't real. She thought it was all in her head, that it was just a simple fantasy her unconscious came up with.

She was mortified that she had revealed secrets to him, but even more at the fact that she kissed him.

The kind, normal Draco that she saw in the visions, the one that was so easy to talk to that it felt like home, was gone. It was a lie in a sick game of his. She wanted to scrub herself clean of him. She wanted to purge her mind of all the parts of it he had seen.

He was just as malicious and heartless as he had always been. Nothing had changed. He was just being tolerable in the dreams in order to get something from her. He was sick and demented inside with no room for redemption—if he had even wanted it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by hearing glass shattering and Draco cursing. She jumped up and ran to the vent.

"What are you doing," she asked him fearfully.

She had no idea what he was doing or what he had planned. She was filled to the brim with hatred for him, but she couldn't let him go off the rails. She needed him.

"Don't worry about it. You don't need to worry about me," he said in a harsh voice.

She wondered if she should leave it alone or not. She could barely handle herself. She was breaking. After thinking about it she decided to. He was not allowed to be hurt after what he did to her.

The silence was loud.

She had no idea that he was a legilimens. It was a craft that required a very strong and powerful wizard that was gifted with an affinity for it. She wondered how long he was able to practice. There were so many questions that arose.

Was he able to practice during their years at Hogwarts? If so, how did he not know all their secrets? Was he skilled enough to feel emotions and thoughts? He must have been if he was able to put visions in her mind and see her memories.

Once again she was ten steps behind in figuring out who Draco Malfoy was.

She tried to put all the pieces together, but it was like trying to put a puzzle together without being able to see the full picture. If only it was as easy to talk to him in real life as it was in a library.

She wished it was real. It felt nice to have someone to talk to and have a place to go where she could forget about the war. She longed to be in the courtyard laying in the flowers, but the memories were ruined by him. The beauty was destroyed.

She felt numb. The one place she could escape to was artificial and controlled by the person she hated most in the world. She was never free in the first place but instead controlled by him.

It felt like she stared at the ceiling for hours. She wanted to throw her whole plan out. She didn't want to make Draco fall for her. She didn't want to be nice to him even if that meant spending the rest of her life in Azkaban. She was exhausted.

"Granger," he said through the cursed vent.

She could hear the pain in his voice because of what she said to him, but she didn't care. She lied there and tuned it all out. His feelings didn't matter to her.

She didn't want to hear what he had to say so she just sat there in silence, hoping he wouldn't say anything else. That was not the case.

"I know I'm a shitty person, but let me explain."

He was trying to play the victim.

She stayed silent, he didn't deserve her to let him explain himself.

"You're taking it the wrong way, I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to do in there."

Gaslighting.

She didn't know what he wanted from her: if it was sexual gratification or just someone to use. He was so fucked in the head that he just wanted someone to be there for him. He wanted someone he could unload all his trauma onto. He had never had anyone in his life tell him he could be better. He was grasping at straws to keep her.

She knew it was her plan all along to make him like this. She had wanted him to break. She wanted him to need her, to spill all his secrets to her. She had wanted him to open his walls to her, but she hadn't realized the cost of it all. She didn't anticipate the mental strain it would have on her.

He must have been obsessive to want to create a whole world just so he could have her. He wanted to play pretend and have her as his puppet. He was delusional and psychotic. The isolation took a toll on him. He was starting to depend on her being there for him in the "dreams."

He was doing everything she had wanted him to do. From the beginning, she had planned for him to need her. That was the purpose of everything she had done. She was betting on the seclusion to get inside his mind and trick him into falling for her.

She hadn't expected it to happen like this. Her plan was in motion and she felt like it was her own fault that he went as far as to use legilimancy on her. He had done it in order to plant seeds in her mind of desire.

It worked on her too.

When she was there with him she felt things she hadn't felt in a while and it was terrifying.

Being in Azkaban was starting to wear her down too. She was becoming dependent on the voice from the other side of the wall. It was months since she had contact with anyone else and she had started to need him to survive.

She hated herself for it. She despised the part of her that wanted to kiss him and forget about all the vile things he had done.   
  
  


**A/N**

**Please don't romanticize either of their actions.**

**The next update will be on Dec. 31st.**


	20. Chapter 20; D

**A/N: From this point on there will be sexual content. I will no longer give warnings because I don't want to spoil anything.**

It all became too much.

The silence was deadly to him, latching inside of him. He wanted to be able to talk to Hermione, even if it was just arguing. It had been days since they had last spoken.

It was obvious she hated him now more than ever. He had ruined the small thing they had going. Maybe it was artificial, but it was something. Being able to leave Azkaban ever for a moment meant everything to him, and he would never be able to go back to the library or the courtyard without her.

It was selfish, Draco knew that. That didn't stop him from wanting it with every fiber of his being. 

His feelings towards Hermione were complicated. He felt like he couldn't trust his own mind. For years he had despised her, part of him still did, but ever since he entered Azkaban things changed. He needed to gain her trust and win her over in order to escape. He needed her for survival.

So, for weeks he played the game. He pretended to be nice to her when he could, he helped her when she was attacked by dementors, and he let her see her parents again. He didn't realize that along the way he would feel things he shouldn't have.

It just felt so good to be touched and listened to. She had treated him like a person who could be better. She didn't write him off as being completely gone. Everything had started to feel different for him.

It all was ruined when she found out. He didn't think she would have reacted the way she did. He thought she would be grateful. It was a miscalculation on his part.

He told himself to stop caring. He needed to occlude himself, but he was so tired. He spent years closing himself off to everyone, he shouldn't have to do it here too. It was just him and Granger, and despite their past, they were all the other one had at the moment.

He would find a way to fix it.

The door clanged open. What great fucking timing. It opened revealing a guard.

"Showers. Now," the guard said with the chains in his hand.

Draco got up from his spot in the cell and walked over willingly letting himself be cuffed. He swallowed hard. Anxiety fluttered through his body knowing he was going to see Hermione.

The guard moved towards her door, opening it, and informing her that she needed to get up and be taken to the showers. Draco could hear her groan in protest.

Hermione had cuffs put on her and she faced away from him. At the small glance he caught of her he noticed her hair was matted, her eyes were red and puffy, and she was deathly malnourished.

They started to ascend down the long hallway. Screams and cries filled the thick musty air. He could see Hermione's curls bouncing as she trudged in front of him. It was a dark contrast from the girl he saw laying in the flowers full of light. He had forgotten just how sinister this place was. 

He walked in silence, trying to figure out what he would say to her. We wanted her forgiveness; he needed it. He would rot in here without her. When the order came back for her he needed to go with them. Hermione was his only chance.

He didn't know how to articulate his words. Yes, the goal was to plant seeds of desire in her mind, but he didn't realize the damage he would cause along the way. He didn't know that she only kissed him because she thought it was just a dream. It all confused him.

He had thought that a part of her actually wanted him. How foolish of him to think that she would ever want him. Sure, before Azkaban he had his looks that girls would fawn over, but without them, he was left with his personality.

He knew he was a bad person, there was no question of that. He had embraced it. He knew he would never be good enough, so he stopped trying. He had to actively try to be good for her though. Hermione had a strong moral compass. He had never tried so hard to be honorable for anyone.

They approached the area of the prison where the lights started to fade out. He knew they were getting closer to the showers and his heart raced. He fidgeted with every moment. Every step dragged on causing more anxiety to fill him.

When they reached what seemed to be the door the guard opened it and led him inside, leaving behind them. It was just the two of them now.

Draco took a deep breath and followed the chain to her. The icy water started showering from above and he shivered. He tried his best to be careful so he wouldn't scare her.

"Granger—" he said softly. He reached his arm towards her.

"Don't," she said moving slightly away from him.

The tension could be cut with a knife. Neither of them had any words that could fill the silence.

Draco moved closer to her. He could tell that her back was facing him. He reached his arms out and turned her around. He knew then that she was facing him because he could feel her breath catch in her throat.

"I never wanted you to do anything you didn't want to," he said running his fingers through her hair. "I know I am not the best person but—but I would never—"

Her body stiffened next to him. Her warmth was radiating onto him and he felt himself losing control. Her skin was so soft and---

No. He wasn't supposed to feel that way. That was not a part of the plan. He tried to redirect himself.

"Malfoy I—" she started to speak. He could hear her soft voice echo in the room.

"Shh. I just wanted to apologize," he said touching her cheek, tracing her jawline down to her neck.

 _It's just an act. You feel nothing._ He told himself.

He pushed down his temptations.

"Just say the word and I'll stop," he leaned closer, his lips just centimeters from hers. He felt her breath in his mouth, and he lingered there for a moment, driving both of them mental.

Just when she started to lean in, he pulled himself away. It was all about seducing her and getting her under his grasp. He wasn't supposed to follow through. He let himself lose control too many times already. As much as he wanted to give in to the bulge in his lower region. He restrained himself.

His attraction to her in the moment must have been due to the fact that he couldn't see her. His hate for her disappeared with the darkness of the room and fell within the cracks of the shower.

He had to occlude himself to keep his dark fantasies to himself. He couldn't allow himself to be compromised by her.

The shower ended moments later, and the guard opened the door, leading them back to their cells. He was dripping wet; he never took his clothes off.

Hermione walked behind him, and he felt himself shifting, trying to ignore his hard-on. He took a deep breath and continued walking down the corridor. It was pitch black and it felt like an eternity become the light started to illuminate the hall.

After about ten minutes he could see their cells nearing. He was very uncomfortable at this point and was trying to regain his composure. His mind was running wild.

When they finally got to the door, he shot a smirk at Hermione while the guard was uncuffing them from the chains.

The door opened and he could barely control his thoughts. It had been so long since he had a release and he needed it badly. The feeling of her breath against his clouded his judgment.

He had been trying so hard to repress himself but having to actively show her the emotions and feelings he was trying to repress was causing it all to build up. He knew it was wrong, but he didn't care.

He could feel himself large in his pants and tried his best to ignore it, but it throbbed begging to be touched. He shifted in his pants trying to ignore the fabric clinging to him. His breath was heavy, and he ran his fingers through his hair cursing to himself.

_It won't hurt anything. Just a fantasy._

He pulled himself onto his bed and began to rub himself through his pants. Edging himself before fully giving in. It felt so good to drag his fingers along himself, making him moan softly.

He began to think about Hermione and the time they spent in the library. Oh, how he wanted to bend her over the desk and take her right there. It had been so long for him and his cock ached to be inside of her—of anyone really.

His cock began to throb in pain, begging to be touched underneath his trousers. He moved them down his legs, his cock bouncing out. He spit on his hand before wrapping his hands on the tip and pumping up and down.

He groaned in pleasure, and it twitched begging for more.

"Fuck," a moan left his mouth. He didn't even care if Hermione could hear him. It turned him on for her to know what he was doing.

He imagined her getting wet in her knickers at the sound of him groaning, wanking for her. This sent him closer to the edge. He stroked himself faster thinking about her fingers sliding under her panties, touching herself, moaning as she reached her climax.

His cock bobbed in his hand as he thrust faster and faster. He pictured her riding on her fingers, him telling her just how to do it for him.

He felt the pleasure building in his stomach with every stroke. Swear words left his mouth getting louder and louder echoing in the cell. He was filled with pleasure that was growing ready to release.

He was about to finish when he imagined her begging to be touched by him, soaking wet. The thought of her sent him into oblivion. He pushed his cock into his hands a few more times allowing himself to cum.

His cocked started to throb, waves of pleasure filling his entire body with each thrust of his hand. He pumped himself, allowing his cum to spurt from him. He groaned, moaning as he felt ecstasy flow through his whole body.

He didn't feel as guilty as he did the last time. It was better to do this than to give in to the temptation that was Hermione Granger.

He chalked up all his feelings to the isolation. He made sure to keep his mind clear and understand that anything he did or feel wasn't because he actually felt that way—he was emotionally vulnerable here in Azkaban.

 _If the circumstances were different_ _I_ _would never feel this way,_ he told himself.  
  
  


**A/N**

**I wanted to address this: Yes, my chapters are smaller. That is because I want certain things in Draco's POV and others in Hermione's. Also, this allows me to update every other day. Because the chapters are small, there will be more of them (around 50-60+ as of now). This will still be a long fic, it will just be split up into smaller chapters.**

**Next update on Jan. 1st.**


	21. Chapter 21; H

It was uncomfortably obvious Draco Malfoy was wanking.

Hermione squirmed in her spot on the bed. The sounds of his moans echoed through the vent and made their way to her. They were enticing and sent arousal through her veins. The months spent here without the touch of another left her in a state of eternal lust threatening to cloud her judgment.

She tried to ignore it, but it was primal. She felt a rush of adrenaline spike with every moan he let out. It was like a drug. Her heart was racing, and she felt a wetness form inside of her knickers. She pushed her legs together trying to ignore the feeling, only for it to intensify more with every moment.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to control her thoughts that were spreading like wildfire. She tried to remind herself who he was, and all the things he did, but they all vanished with the sound of him stroking himself.

_He used legilimancy on your mind without permission._

Hermione tried to reassure herself and remind herself of everything bad he had done to her, but it just made her want him more. In that moment all of her sensibility disappeared and was replaced with desire, lust, and impulsivity. It was circulating in her veins, impossible to ignore.

She could hear him cursing from the vent, nearing his climax. She gulped and tried to muster some Gryffindor courage—something she had lost a long time ago.

She neared towards the vent, taking a long breath. Her anxiety and adrenaline mixed together and somehow she uttered the words "Take me to the library. Now."

She could tell that she had startled him. His breath was ragged and all he could mutter was a simple "Okay."

She sat there for a moment in disbelief that those words left her mouth, wondering what she had just gotten herself into. She could hear movement on the other side of the wall. She could hear a few incoherent words muttered under his breath before he began.

Hermione could feel herself losing consciousness and being pulled away from the cell. She had never been awake when he had used legilimancy on her before. It was a strange feeling, like falling back into another realm.

Her mind was fuzzy, and it felt like hands were in her brain scrambling it around. It wasn't painful, just an unusual feeling. Her body felt like it was being moved, almost like apparating, but when he opened her eyes she was in the library.

_She rubbed her eyes and opened them, seeing spots at first. She tried to regain her balance and Draco stood in front of her, staring intensely._

_"What did you—" he started to say._

_Hermione used all the courage she had to fling herself closer to him, leaving only inches between them. She could feel his breath against her face, and she looked up into his eyes with a sultry look. He was puzzled at first, but then she stood on her toes and placed a kiss on his jawbone._

_"What are you doing," he said pushing her away from him._

_"Don't act like I couldn't hear you Malfoy. Nothing here is real. What we do here doesn't count," she said in a breathy voice daring him to make a move. He stood staring at her, contemplating what to do._

_He looked her up and down for a moment with hungry eyes, taking in every aspect of her. Here she didn't look dirty and disheveled, she was clean and healthy looking._

_Suddenly he lunged towards her and wrapped his hand around her neck, constricting her breathing. He pushed her against the bookcases so hard several books fell around her. She looked over at them but he grabbed her head and made her look him in the eyes._

_It was euphoric and left her wanting more. The feeling of being controlled by him was intense and addicting. She craved it. Being under his touch was heavenly and she melted under him._

_It was all about consent. Her being able to want the control he had over her. It was arousing and like heroin flowing through her veins and creating a high she never wanted a withdrawal from._

_Draco leaned down so his face met hers. His eyes were grey as the morning sky and his jawline was sharp. He was so pale he looked like he was a roman statue of a god, how ironic. He was more like Lucifer tempting her to sin for him._

_"Listen here Granger, this means nothing to me. You mean nothing to me. Is that clear?" He looked into her eyes with his cold ones and she was speechless. She was mesmerized by his carnal stare. All she could do was nod her head slowly._

_"Answer me," he growled in her ear, tightening the hold on her neck more._

_"Yes," she managed to squeak out. He loosened his grip on her neck and brought his lips mere centimeters from the sweet part of her neck. He took his time, teasing her making her body beg for it._

_"It's so rewarding seeing you like this. Golden girl Granger under me, begging to be touched by a death eater," he said whispering in her ear sending shivers down her spine. She could no longer form words._

_"So dirty. So wrong. But that's why you want it so bad. We all lust for what we cannot have," he said against her neck, swirling his tongue against her neck after he was done speaking._

_She squirmed underneath him. It was so erotic and she hadn't been touched in so long. She struggled to hold in a moan. He was right. It was wrong, but that just turned her on even more._

_"But that's it, you want to be ruined. You love the temptation of me, threatening to make you risk it all," he said pressing his lips onto her sucking._

_It was pure bliss for her. Everything was washed away with a single kiss to her neck; all of her grief, pain, and worries. His skin was icy, but he ignited a fire inside of her. The way his hands gripped her made her feel tingles all over her body._

_"Malfoy, I—" she started to speak._

_She wanted to beg him to take her right there against the bookshelves. She wanted him to ruin her in every sense of the word. Hermione was so tired of being the good girl everyone expected the world out of. In this moment she just wanted to be his._

_But the moment ended almost as quickly as it began. He pulled away from her neck and looked back at her eyes._

_She turned her side, avoiding his glance. She tried to regain her breath and ran her hands along her clothes to straighten them. She was still high off of his touch she could barely think of anything else._

_"I had never used legilimancy to get inside someone's head before I met you. I had always occluded and turned it off. I only used it because I didn't want you to get hurt by the dementors, but when I realized I could use it as an escape, I took advantage of you, and for that I am sorry," he said standing up straight and looking at her._

_She looked at him and before she could ask him why he interrupted the moment he said "I just had to say that before we continued."_

_She had never heard him be so genuine. He sounded sheepish and regretful. She wondered if it was even real. This sobered her up in a way, making her realize that she was still mad at him. Kissing her neck didn't change that._

_"I appreciate that, but you're going to have to earn my trust back. That means don't use legilimancy on me without my permission," she said in a stern voice. She had to create boundaries with him._

_Even though she wanted him to fall for her, she could not allow herself to get caught up in it too. It was all for survival. Allowing herself to catch feelings for him would complicate things and cause too many problems for her in the future. She just had to assure herself that she had to remain lucid during her time in Azkaban, and not let lust control her._

_"Okay,' he said leaning back onto a table next to the shelf._

_She stood there for a moment admiring him. He was beautiful here. He was who he once was with no signs of the effects of Azkaban. His white-blonde hair was combed properly, and he was in a black suit looking aristocratic and strong._

_"Also, what happens here, stays here," she said nervously looking at him._

_It was awkward now. She almost didn't know how to talk to him after what had just happened. Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment for how she acted._

_"I wouldn't want it any other way Granger," he said to her. His face went dark again as if their touches meant nothing to him._

_She felt a pit grow in her throat. Of course. She had a pathetic excuse for a body according to him their first time in the showers. She tried to hide the pang she felt in her chest and the tears forming in her eyes._

_"Of course," she said looking down at her shoes. His words replayed in her head a million times before she could look back up at him._

_She didn't know why she was disappointed by that statement. She just was._

**A/N**

**The next chapter will be on Jan 3rd.**


	22. Chapter 22; D

Kissing her neck felt like heaven and hell at the same time.

It felt like heaven to touch his damned lips against her. But it was hell to know that he would never be enough for her or anyone he would dare lay his lips on.

Her smell was intoxicating, leaving him wanting more with every inhale. His hands had explored her body wanting to memorize every curve. She had blurred his judgment and his senses in the most beautiful way.

He never wanted to remove his lips off of her in the library, but he knew he had to. He had to let her know he was sorry for all of his sins. And that's what he had done. He apologized.

He knew it would never be enough. He knew he could never fully redeem himself for everything he had done, but it was a start. It was better than nothing.

His whole life all he ever wanted was to be free of who he was, and in the moment when his lips were touching her skin, he finally felt like all the weight on his shoulders was gone. And that was a scary thought.

He couldn't depend on her and he didn't want to. As soon he felt the freedom that touching her skin gave him, he knew he had to stop. There was a fine line between letting himself indulge in her and being completely gone. The moment he let himself fully give in there was no going back. 

Their time spent in the library was risky. The more they gave in to each other the farther gone they would be. Their psyches were making them believe they wanted each other but in reality, they just didn't have anyone else. It was destructive to think otherwise. They only wanted each other because each other was all they had.

Draco had to remind himself that everything he did held a purpose: getting out of Azkaban. He couldn't let himself get caught up with her. He had to remove himself from it all. He couldn't feel the things he felt when touching her.

They were on two sides of the war. The only thing they had in common was being stuck in Azkaban. He frequently reminded himself of this. He was a Death Eater whether he wanted to be or not. He knew as soon as he escaped with the Order he would have to go into hiding or go back to Voldemort's side.

He didn't know which he would choose.

That is why he ended the vision. He couldn't let whatever feelings he had for her get in the way.

He could see the happiness drain from her face after he told her he wanted everything that happens in the library to stay there. He knew it hurt her, but it had to be that way.

They were two different planets in orbit, daring to touch each other with every go around the sun. It equally passionate and dangerous.

After he abruptly ended the vision, he felt himself weaken. He sat on the bed, panting. His head hurt and he could barely move. He never got used to the feeling of emptiness he felt after using legilimancy.

It was like he was hollow inside, dying from the inside out. He was already weak from not getting proper meals and exercise, so using magic in that state just made him worse.

He was in the middle of situating himself when he could hear her start to speak from the vent. He groaned, wishing she could leave him to recover.

"Malfoy..." Hermione said in a soft voice from the wall. He could hear a hint of sadness in her voice.

"What," he said in a snappy tone. He was exhausted and he just wanted to be left alone. It was her fault he felt this way. She was like an infection spreading through his insides.

"I was wondering--" Hermione started to say to him.

He took a deep breath. He didn't want to talk about what had just happened. He wanted to let it go and not have to think about her anymore.

"I told you what happens there stays there," he said in a stern voice. He knew it would upset her, but he really didn't care. He was trying his best to put some space between them. It made it easier to stop thinking of her. If he could confine those feelings to the library, they would be easier to occlude.

"Yes, erm, I know. I was just wondering if there are limits to the visions... if we could explore more of the castle?" Hermione said this nervously. He could almost see her twiddling her thumbs and looking away with a blush spread on her cheeks.

The question caught him off guard. He didn't know why she would want to do anything with him. He told himself that she probably just wanted to leave his hell hole. It had nothing to do with him.

"I've never thought that far into it. I would assume yea," he said. He figured he would be able to, he just had to use even more of his energy to make it possible.

"We should do that if you wanted to..." she said sheepishly.

"Yeah."

Draco knew he didn't have the strength to do it anytime soon. He didn't want Hermione to know that though. It would just be another one of his weaknesses exposed to her.

It would be worth it. Anything was better than being stuck in here having to stare at a wall for hours.

It was awkward when they were back in their cells. It was like they didn't know how to communicate. When they were here their pasts clung to them. It was so much simpler when they could let that part of themselves go.

The library gave them the power to do that. It let them just exist in the moment without anything weighing them down.

It was almost like Hermione read his mind. She cleared her throat and asked him, "Why is it so hard for us to talk here?"

Draco didn't have an appropriate answer.

He could tell her how he hated himself for wanting her. He could say how he was taught to see her as a mudblood with no value. Or he could tell her that he knew he would never be good enough for someone like her. He could tell her how the library was the only place he could fully be himself.

There were so many explanations for why he couldn't act that way to her here, yet his mouth went dry and he couldn't speak. He stared at the mark that had turned him rotten inside. He watched it twist in front of him. It symbolized all the reasons he couldn't talk to her here.

"Granger, you don't want me here. Don't let yourself think that you do," he whispered through the vents.

And as much as his heart hurt to say those words, they were true. She didn't want him. She just thought she did because he was the only thing she had is in this cruel fucked up world. As soon as they escaped she would never think of him again.

He didn't know why that thought hurt. He just knew it did. But that was the way it had to be.   
  


**A/N**

**This chapter was mainly Draco's inner thoughts. Not much happens in these chapters because they are still struggling to interact with each other. I promise it will get better. Think of this book in three sections: Azkaban, Escape, War. There is still a long uphill battle.**

**The next chapter will be on January 5th.**


	23. Chapter 23; H

Several days had passed and his words were still etched in her brain from the moment he said them to her.

_Granger, you don't want me here. Don't let yourself think that you do._

They bothered her more than she would've like to admit. They replayed over and over in her mind like a broken record. They made her question everything.

What did the library mean? When she was there with him everything felt right. All of her worries disappeared when he touched her. But here in Azkaban she still felt the hatred for him that she felt all their years in Hogwarts.

He was right, she didn't want him here in Azkaban. She wanted the version of him that was in the library. The cheeky guy who didn't have the baggage of his past. The guy that made her smile and feel things that she would never tell a soul.

Draco didn't want the Hermione that was in Azkaban, that was obvious. He didn't want the weak, ugly version of her that had been deteriorating since the moment they entered the prison. It exceeded that though. He hadn't wanted her since the day he met her. This proved that the isolation just tricked his mind into wanting her.

But wasn't that what she planned to happen all long? Why was she so upset that he hadn't wanted her all their years in school? Why did it bother her that the only reason he touched her here, was because she was the only option?

She shook her head and tried to bury the thoughts that were so persistent to be dug up. She planted them deep within her, hoping they would never reach the light of day again.

"Granger—" Draco called from the vent interrupting her thoughts.

 _What great timing._ She thought to herself. _After days of barely talking, he tries to start up a conversation_ _now_ _._

"Yes?"

She was nervous. Days ago, she asked him about exploring the grounds of Hogwarts, and she figured today was the day. She didn't know what to expect, because every encounter they had in the visions didn't require much talking.

"Do you want to go..." he said drawing out the question.

She paused for a moment, staring at the vent.

She knew in her heart that she wanted to say yes to him. She wanted to forget everything and run the halls of Hogwarts with him, but it wasn't feasible. Sooner or later those feelings would carry over. She couldn't allow that to happen.

She had to remind herself of what would happen if she escaped with his family. She couldn't become attached to him. It would compromise her plan and the Order. She told herself the moment she arrived she wouldn't let anyone get in her way of escaping and winning the war. Not even Draco or his family.

"Hello...Granger," he called again.

"Um, yes. I'm ready," she said caught off guard.

Draco started to whisper the spell under his breath and she could feel herself falling. This time it wasn't as invasive as the last. Her mind felt like it was swirling, but it wasn't as noticeable anymore. It just felt like she was drifting away from reality. She closed her eyes and didn't open them until she landed on the carpet with a thud.

"I'll never get used to that. It's easier when I'm sleeping," she said straightening her clothes.

Draco stood across from her chuckling. She became self-conscious and tried to fix her hair. It probably looked wild.

"Worried about what I think of you?" Draco said with a smirk. This made her cheeks grow red. He looked like a prince in comparison to her.

"No, not at all," Hermione said hiding her embarrassment. She stood tall and tried to look unbothered.

He moved closer to her causing her to take a step back. He was far too close.

"Shall we," he said extending his arm to the corridor like the smart arse he was.

Hermione pushed past him and started to walk down the dimmed hallway. She hadn't an idea where she was going, she was just trying to put distance between the two of them.

"You weren't this eager to get away from me the other day," he said causing her to turn around.

She scoffed and continued walking away from him. Now that was the Malfoy she was used to.

Hermione walked for a while in silence. She went up a couple of sets of stairs, around corners, and kept on until she found a balcony where she could sit and admire the grounds of the castle. It was probably a couple of stories high.

She went to one side and stood staring out into the fields of flowers, paying no attention to Draco who was standing behind her.

He leaned against the rails staring at her with a smirk on his face. She stared and him and let out a sigh, she was out of breath.

"Are you done?" He said laughing at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she turned from him looking away from him.

She could feel his presence behind her. He crept closer to her and swept her hair out of her face. She tried to ignore him but couldn't.

"Are you done trying to ignore me?" Draco said turning her to face him. He smelt like rich cologne, peppermints, and a hint of apple. He was beautiful in the way a man is. His alabaster skin and his white-blonde hair contrasted with his black suit. The wind blew causing his perfectly combed hair to tussle, leaving her in awe of him.

"Answer me," he said staring deep into her eyes with his grey ones.

"Y-yes," she stood unable to form any other words.

And as soon as the words left her lips she was done for. His cold hand decorated with rings found its way to her jaw, pulling her closer to him. Her breath hitched and she was dumbfounded.

"Never ignore me again or you'll regret it, Granger," he said in a harsh tone.

She gulped and nodded her head. A part of her wanted to know what he would do if she disobeyed him, but she wasn't going to test that out today.

He pulled his hand from her jaw, releasing her from his grasp. She took a deep breath and tried to look normal. Meanwhile, her heart was beating out of her chest. He captivated her in ways she could never explain to anyone.

"Malfoy," she said looking at him. He was now on the other side of the balcony.

"Yes?" he said walking closer to her. His scent filling her nostrils with every step. He looked domineering and innocent at the same time.

She tried to be brave. She needed her Gryffindor right about now. The wind blew around them and the sun was setting, leaving the sky spattered with magentas and purples. In front of them off the balcony was gardens filled with flowers and a calm lake. The scene could have been out of a movie.

"Kiss me," she said looking into his eyes, daring him. "Kiss me like I need to be kissed," she said again.

He looked her up and down for a moment before closing the space between them. It was like everything was finally being pieced together.

"Okay," he said softly.

He moved her hair behind her ear and gripped her jaw. His other hand laid on the curve of her hips, pulling her in. He took a moment, looking her in her eyes before he pressed his lips against hers.

That moment was electrifying and blissful at the same time. It felt so wrong and so right. It was like the years they had known each other lead up to this. Like everything happened for a reason. That reason being this kiss.

Her lips moved against his begging for more, and he gave it to her. He dragged his teeth against her bottom lip, causing her to gasp. She wrapped her hand in his hair, ruining how neatly it was combed. His tongue found its way in her mouth, making it all the more euphoric.

Nothing mattered anymore. It was just a boy and a girl connected by a kiss. The rest of the world no longer existed to them.

He pulled her from her spot and hoisted her up onto the balcony's railing. Her legs wrapped around his torso and he deepened the kiss. He held her close, keeping her safe from falling off the ledge.

He moved his lips from hers and moved them to the sweet part of her neck, making her keen underneath him.

"Draco—" she moaned as he left love bites all over her.

But suddenly he faltered and put her back on the ground. His arms moved from their place on her hips, and he backed away from her. His face furrowed. He was obviously upset but quickly hid it with a dark stare.

Hermione was confused. It took a moment to register what she had just done.

_I said his name._

She didn't know what that meant at the moment, or the weight it held. She just knew that it caused him discomfort.

Before she could apologize or try to explain herself to him, he spoke.

"We're done here." His voice was empty and hollow of any emotion.

And as soon as the words left his mouth, everything went dark and she found herself back in her cell. Imprisoned once again.  
  


**A/N**   
**The next chapter will be on January 7th.**


	24. Chapter 24; D

**TW: Dark thoughts and actions.**

"Draco—" she moaned.

Any normal guy would be enthralled hearing their name leave a woman's mouth. It would have turned them on, making them want her even more. But this wasn't the case for Draco.

He wished he could have enjoyed it, he really did, but his heart dropped when he heard those words leave her mouth. It sobered him up, making everything seem far too real.

They were no longer in that moment where nothing else existed. Her words brought back everything he was trying to erase. That was the whole purpose of using legilimancy on her— to escape who he was.

He felt a pit grow in his throat. The weight of his past fell back onto him like a thousand bricks when he heard her say his name. He couldn't breathe.

He could barely remember pulling her down from her spot on the railing and ending the vision. It all happened so fast. What he did remember though, was the look on her face. It stung deep in his heart and hurt almost as bad as hearing his name.

Everything went dark for a moment before he was back in the cell. He wished that darkness lasted longer. It was easier to exist in that split second in the darkness rather than living.

He didn't deserve to hear his name grace her lips. He was on the other side of the war. A war that killed her best friend. A war that wanted her dead.

It was never supposed to go this far. She was meant to be his way of getting out of Azkaban. He had planned to make her fall for him, not the—

He couldn't finish that thought.

He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. He hated himself for the way he felt when he kissed her. She felt like a home he never had. It felt so right, but wrong to know that he would never be enough for her.

She deserved someone good—someone who wasn't morally grey and fucked up in the head. As much as he wanted to be selfish and take her for himself, he couldn't. Hermione deserved someone who could be emotionally available for her. She deserved someone who could be the good guy. He knew he would never be that person. Darkness made its home inside him the day the mark laced his skin.

He knew he had to stop, occlude, and forget about her. Even if it meant staying in Azkaban forever, that would be better than his feelings for her. He would ruin her, tarnish her, and erase everything that she was if he stayed in her life. He would dim the light in her, bringing her down with him.

He knew if he ever left with the Order, he would have to make a choice between staying with her and going back to the Death Eaters. He knew deep down he would choose his mother over her. If he left with Hermione, his mother would be as good as dead and he could never live with himself. If she was even alive.

Draco dug his nails into the palm of his hand, drawing blood. He felt so helpless and weak. He was breaking inside. The isolation finally found its way into his nerves, making its way to his brain infecting it. He no longer knew what was real.

He would have never felt this way for her if they hadn't been locked up together. He knew this for a fact. He also knew she would never want him either.

He didn't know what hurt worse.

All the years he spent trying to push everyone out were all for nothing because she still managed to find her way past his walls.

It was all too much.

"FUCK," he screamed out, tears threatening to fall down his cheek.

He spent so long trying to train them to stay.

"Men do not cry Draco. They are domineering, strong; they are in control of their emotions and never let them show," he tried to repeat to himself. His father's words replayed in his head.

 _Fuck him,_ Draco thought to himself. Fuck it all.

He let the tears fall, he deserved to.

His lungs constricted in such a way where no air could make its way in. He felt powerless. Everything around him became blurry and it felt like he was watching the scene play out in front of him. He was dissociating, something he wasn't a stranger to doing.

Draco didn't realize when he threw the metal bed with all his strength, creating a loud bang. Or when he punched the wall until his knuckles were left mangled with blood dripping from them. The damned blood that meant so much to the wrong people dripped onto the floor, mixing with the dirt creating a red muddy mess. He screamed until his throat went raw.

He destroyed everything he could, and when nothing was left, he started destroying himself. He wanted his blood to bleed dry, making him clean of the purity that seemed so foreign to him. He had never felt pure a day in his life.

And when the dementors came for him, he welcomed them with open arms. Anything was better than how he was feeling now.

He wondered what darkness of his past they would show him. He was lucky he couldn't remember what they showed him the first time they attacked him. It must have been something traumatizing for his memory to block it out.

***

_His throat went dry. He knew what was about to come. He sat across a tea table in the library with Narcissa. She was speaking, but he couldn't hear her._

_The sound of the glass that shattered the great hall still pierced his ears the following day. It burned bright replaying over and over again, never letting him forget what had happened._

_His failure hung in the air like clouds before a storm. He knew he was a disgrace to the Malfoy name. He knew he would be punished for it, he was just waiting for the rain to drop._

_"Draco, the dark lord is coming. He knows you didn't complete the task," Narcissa said to him. She was blatantly worried for him, but he didn't care._

_He felt numb like nothing mattered. Even the threat of Voldemort couldn't stop the record in his mind that was running over the events of the previous day._

_"Draco—" she said in a louder tone to get his attention. Narcissa wanted nothing more than to protect her son and felt absolutely powerless in doing so. She knew what was to come, and she couldn't stop it._

_"Mother don't worry about me. I can handle it myself," he said taking a break from his thoughts. He didn't want her to be upset. He knew what was coming and still a part of him rejoiced that he wasn't the person to kill Dumbledore._

_They were interrupted by a loud noise and a_ _cloud_ _of_ _black smoke_ _, causing both of them to jump. It was undoubtedly Voldemort ready to punish Draco._

_Narcissa stood up from her spot and grabbed Draco's hand, pulling him close to her. He felt like a child holding his mother after a bad dream._

_They walked to the parlor where Lucius, Bellatrix, and a handful of other Death Eaters occupied the room. In the middle stood the Dark Lord. Draco's heart sped up, ready to hear his fate._

_"Oh Draco, your cowardice comes at a price. When I order you to do something you are to do it," he spoke in a breathy tone that sent shivers down Draco's spine._

_Before he could speak, Bellatrix began to speak. Her voice sounded psychotic and sickly at the same time. It was the type of voice that you had to be careful around. You never knew her next move._

_"He's just as weak as his father," she cackled_ _, c_ _ircling him and Narcissa with a wicked look in her eyes._ _His father stood there watching, doing nothing to stop his son from getting hurt._

_Narcissa pulled Draco closer, putting herself at risk. He took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for what was to come. He tried to be strong, but his bones rattled in the sight of Voldemort._

_"Maybe this will sway you to obey the next time I order you," the Dark Lord began to say, lifting his wand._

_"Lord, I was going to do it—" Draco spoke, trying to save himself. It was far too late though._

_Voldemort didn't let him finish his sentence before he screamed out "Crucio," letting the spell find its way to_ _Draco_ _._

_Draco yelled out in agony. It felt like electricity running through his body. He crumpled to the floor in excruciating pain. It coursed through his veins for what seemed like an eternity._

_"Please, he's just a boy," Narcissa's voice cracked as she stared at her only son lying on the floor. She would do anything for his pain to subside._

_Bellatrix laughed at her sister, pointing her wand straight_ _at_ _Draco. Her laugh was sadistic and echoed through the room._

_"Bella please—" she begge_ _d_ _. She wished for the sister that she grew up with, but that part of Bellatrix was long gone._

_"Cruci_ _o!_ _" she shouted. Light flashed as it struck Draco's body, making_ _him_ _jolt._ _He looked lifeless on the floor._

_The curse filled him with so much pain that after a while he wished for death. It would be easier._

_"If you ever disobey me again, I will not be as lenient_ _to_ _you_ _or your mother," the Dark Lord shouted before disappearing._

_Draco tried to hold on to what he was feeling, promising to himself that he would never let his mother feel that pain._   
  
  


**A/N**   
**The next chapter will be on January 9th.**


	25. Chapter 25; H

Everything went dark for a moment and just like that she was back in her cell.

_I fucked it all up_ _._

The look on his face lived in her mind, showing itself every time she closed her eyes. It's melancholic atmosphere resurfacing with every breath. It was nauseating to endure.

Hermione knew she should have never let his name slip out. That one little word brought both of them back to reality: a reality neither of them wanted to be a part of. It ripped through their world, shattering it like broken glass, making it irreparable.

Saying his name bore significance. It was intimate like revealing your innermost secret to a lover. Saying his name was saying you witnessed all of him and didn't want to turn back.

 _Malfoy_. The weight that name held. It carried the sins of generations of men. It held a dark connotation, one that damned you forever, following you like a shadow. The Malfoy name was like shackles—inescapable. But saying his first name, gave an innocence about him. It liberated him.

 _Draco._ It was something someone who cared for him would say, like a mother calling her child.

Saying his name meant she cared. It meant she could look past everything he had done and just see him. Her plan was crashing around her. She wanted to bury the feelings she had for him so deep they would never see the light of day again.

The look on his face when she used that intimate word told her everything she needed to know. He didn't want her to care for him.

He had never used her first time. Turns out he could not look past the weight _Granger_ held—the dirty lineage she had. He didn't want to.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a huge metallic crash followed by Draco cursing. She jumped up, startled by the noise, and rushed over to the vent. She pressed her ear against it, hearing heavy breathing and sobbed echoing through it.

She had never seen Draco cry. She didn't even know he was capable of it but knowing she caused it was gut-wrenching. It pained her for reasons she never wanted to know. He was everything she was meant to hate, but it was becoming increasingly harder to hate him.

As much as she didn't want to, she cared for him even if he didn't care for her.

A scream shrilled through the air.

"Malfoy? Are you okay?" She called out. She waited for a few moments but was met with silence. Worry started to fill her, running deep in her bones.

When she placed her ear against the metal, she quickly pulled it back. The temperature dropped, causing frost to spread across the vent. She ran her finger across the ice, examining it. Hermione let out a deep breath, seeing a cloud form in the air. Dementors.

She pried her fingers at the bolts holding the vent shut. "Open up, please," she begged, but they didn't budge. Her fingers were too numb and frozen in place, making them hard to move.

"Come on," she said, her eyes burning with tears. She began scratching at the metal until her nails started to bleed. Her fingers were turning purple and she could only imagine what Draco looked like in there.

_He could be dead._

She shook her head, willing that thought to go away.

"Alohomora," she screamed out, trying anything that might work. Her lip was trembling and snot started to run down her face.

Nothing happened.

"DAMN IT," she pulled at the roots of her hair. Her breath was caught in her lungs unable to escape.

She couldn't lose him. Her thoughts ran like wildfire, Her magic bubbled up inside of her, threatening to blow up. She closed her eyes and felt it flowing through her. She let out a blood-curdling scream that echoed through the halls of the prison.

Magic burst out of her, making the wall around the vent crumble.

She opened her eyes and sucked in a deep breath, moving the rubble aside. She tossed the bricks and pieces of rock aside frantically creating an entrance into his cell.

She could see a glimpse of his white-blonde hair through the opening and rushed through.

_Please be alive._

"Malfoy," she said to herself as she made her way in. Her heart was beating out of her chest and could be felt throughout her body.

The room mirrored what she had heard through the vent. The bed was tossed on its side. The glass in the mirror shattered, and there were bloody marks on the wall.

She looked down where he was laying and was horrified.

Draco was frail. He was not the strong man he wanted her to see in the library. He wasn't perfectly chiseled and didn't have hair combed back. Instead, it was grown out and covered his eyebrows. He was ghastly and his skin was so pale it was nearly translucent.

"Please be okay."

Her hand shook as she tried to touch his cheek. It was the first time she had touched him, really touched him, here in Azkaban. There were no castles with balconies to save her from actually feeling him. There was no wall protecting her.

His skin felt cold. A deathly type of cold.

She gently placed him down before making her way to the bed frame that was thrown across the room. She tried her best to lift it and move it back to its original place. She pulled on it, causing the metal to scrape against the dirty floor. She was erratic, trying to calm herself down by fixing the mess of the room.

When she finally got it in place, she cradled Draco in her arms, trying to move him on the bed. With the adrenaline coursing through her veins she was able to find the strength to lift him.

She crawled onto the bed with him and pulled his head to his chest. He was barely breathing.

"Be okay, please, for me," she said looking at his face, running her hands through his hair. She needed him even if she would never admit it. She had gone her whole life hating him, but now she couldn't imagine life without him.

"I know you hate me. I know I should hate you, but damn it be okay," she talked to him, wishing he would wake up for her.

"I need you here. Who else am I supposed to fight with Malfoy," she said pulling him closer, rocking back and forth.

His eyes were shut and he looked so innocent, so beautiful. She didn't care if he hated her for the rest of eternity, she would stay in that spot until she knew he was okay.

She fell asleep lying there next to him, hoping he would be okay.

***

Hermione groaned as she woke up. She opened her eyes and was surprised to find Draco's head still laying on her. She could feel his chest move up and down with each breath. She sighed in relief.

She started to move slowly, trying to get out from under him. She didn't want to be there when he woke up. As she was moving she felt him shift in his sleep, putting his arm around her torso. Her heart sped up and she felt her stomach do flips.

"Granger," he mumbled under his breath. He was still half asleep, not realizing she was actually there. His voice was deep and groggy, making her wish she could stay there forever. Laying next to him felt like home.

"Well thank Merlin you're alive," Hermione laughed, relieved that he was okay. This caused him to wake up completely.

"What are you—" he jolted up looking confused. His eyes were wide and his face scrunched up. He looked utterly confused.

"You were hurt. I found a way through the vent— I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I'm not anymore. Get off of me. " Draco stood up from the metal bed too fast, causing him to have to grip the wall for support.

"Be careful," she said standing up to help him. He was weak after the attack, but he just shoved her away like she was garbage.

She immediately felt insecurity rise inside of her. He was so used to seeing her in the library. Here she was skinny with her bones sticking out, had a wild bush of tangled hair, and dirt covering her.

"Go away, Granger. Now."

She stared at him in disbelief, her eyes widening. It was like she had just been stabbed in the chest. She didn't know what she expected him to do, but it wasn't this.

"I literally broke down the wall to save you. Have you gone mental?" Her voice broke, but she tried her best to hide it.

"I never asked for your help," he said looking away, avoiding eye contact. He clenched his hand into a fist and shook it out.

It was another stab in the chest, leaving her feeling absolutely gutted.

"You know what, fuck you Malfoy. I'm sorry I was worried about you," she said turning around. She walked through the hole in the wall, back onto her side, wanting to never see him again.

"Well don't be," he called from his room.

"Trust me, I won't." 

**A/N**

**I kind of hate this chapter, and I don't know how to fix the writing.**

**The next chapter will be on January 11th.**


	26. Chapter 26; D

The way her body felt against his was heavenly. It was like breeze on a summer day. Being able to hold someone and feel their warmth against him was comforting after laying on a metal slab for months.

After reliving his past—feeling the pain of the cruciatus curse—Hermione's skin against his felt like a cure. She was so soft, like silk you never wanted to let go of.

He had laid there for almost an hour feeling her hair against his cheek debating what to do. He told himself as soon as she woke up he would push her away. But he just wanted a moment to take her in, no matter how small.

She was absolutely gorgeous. It didn't matter how skinny she was or how tangled her hair was. She was beautiful. He laid there staring up at the freckles littering her face, admiring her silently.

He couldn't believe how he never noticed her. He always saw her as an enemy so he never really looked at her. He never saw the freckles on her cheeks, or how long and delicate her eyelashes were. She was like a painting, the more you looked, the more beauty you could find within it.

But that was the problem. He didn't deserve her. He wasn't worthy of being in her arms, or her kindness, or her breaking a fucking wall down to save him.

It was easier to have her hate him than for her to care. If she cared for him, he could lose her.

It pained him to tell her to get off of him—to pretend he didn't feel what she was feeling. It was so hard to pretend that nothing was happening between them. His chest felt like it caved in. He could barely say the words.

She could never know how he felt. When they escaped, he didn't want her heart to break more than it had to. He didn't want to be selfish with her. The only way he could be good—the only way he could be righteous for her—would be to let her go.

At this point, they were attached. Whether it was as friends or more, he was fairly certain she would take him with her if the Order ever came back. He trusted her to vouch for him. His plan was done. He didn't have to do anything more than be nice.

No kissing. No visions. Nothing but simple kindness. He was capable of being just friends with her.

He had to occlude himself. He couldn't fall under her temptation any longer.

He hated himself for how he felt about her. He was Hades trapping Persephone in the underworld forever. Every touch like pomegranate seeds, making her stay longer.

She was an angel, and he was lucifer trying to damn her forever. She was too pure for him.

So when she woke up, he pushed her away. He buried his feelings so deep the light of day could never touch them again. He made her believe he didn't want her and god damn it, it fucking hurt.

His body felt like he had been run over by a train. It ached with every movement. He could almost feel the cold kiss of the dementors breath every time he closed his eyes. He still needed to recover from the attack. He wished his mind could do the same. He wished he could cure his mind of the disease that was Hermione Granger.

It was easier when there was a wall between them. Now, there was nothing keeping him from the temptation. She was within arm's reach, begging to be touched.

The hole in the wall would have to be dealt with.

When the guard came back for their next showers he would be able to see it, resulting in a form of punishment. Draco figured he would ask Hermione what they should do about it.

He closed his eyes, pushing his feelings into the depth of his soul. He imagined them as tiny pebbles at the bottom of a dark sea.

"Granger," he said calling back at her.

He tried not to think about how she felt against him, but when she looked back at him it was so fucking difficult. Even in her prison outfit, she looked amazing.

"I thought we weren't talking," she said in a sarcastic tone. Oh, how it turned him on. He loved it when she argued with him.

_Stop it. Pebbles at the bottom of the ocean._

"We aren't but you have to do something about this bloody hole in the wall," He said with a smirk on his face.

She looked at him with a smile, putting her hand on her hip. "Did you have anything in mind?"

_God damn it. Stop it._

"Well we can see if our beds cover them, if not we can try and enchant the wall," he said trying to come up with a solution.

If they covered it with their beds, then they would be right next to each other every night. He wouldn't be able to keep his hands to himself if they did that.

"I can use a spell to glamour the wall, it shouldn't be that hard," she said after thinking for a moment.

_Thank Salazar._

"Make sure to silence it too, I value my privacy," he said in a sharp tone. He had to keep his distance from her. As much as he never wanted to be away from her, he had to.

"Of course," she said looking down at her shoes. He could tell it made her nervous.

It was strange being able to see her. She captivated him, but he forced himself to look away. He gripped his hand into a fist, then shook it out rubbing his forehead.

_Why was it so hard to ignore her. You shouldn't feel this way._

"When I'm stronger, we can start practicing combat," Draco added.

"Okay," she said walking over to the edge of her room where he could no longer see her.

He hadn't practiced magic in a while, besides using legilimency on her. For her sake, he wanted to practice. He needed to know that she would be able to survive outside of these walls. She wouldn't have a wand and needed to be able to protect herself without one.

He knew he would be safe. If he went back to the Death Eaters, one of them would supply him with a wand.

He worried about her though, as much as he didn't want to. She couldn't die.

It didn't matter if he was on Voldemort's side. It didn't matter how many people he had to kill; she would stay alive. Without Potter, she had no one to shield her. Her and, dare he say it, Ron would be the head of the rebellion.

He tried to push away the thoughts of her being with him.

As much as he fucking hated Weaselbee, Ron was better for her. He might be a prick, but he wasn't on the other side of a war that wanted her dead. He didn't royally fuck everything up. He wasn't Draco and that was what mattered.

Draco could never have her. As much as Hermione thought she wanted him, she was wrong. It was the isolation talking. As soon as she escaped, she would never think of him again.

They went years hating each other, and it would go back to that when they left Azkaban.

He wasn't worthy of her and he had to accept that. He had to accept that when she escaped she deserved someone that wasn't him. 

**A/N**

**Who's excited for them to practice fighting? Imagine all the tension.**

**Next chapter on January the 13th.**


	27. Chapter 27; H

Hermione was nervous to spar Draco. For all she knew he would probably take all his anger out on her. The days following his dementor attack her nerves were high. She didn't know when he would be fully recovered and ready to fight.

Every day they shared few words between each other, but nothing more. She created a glamour to cover the hole in the wall along with a silencing spell for their own privacy. They could cross the border of the wall, but any guards looking would see nothing. It took several days to create without a wand.

She should have done that from the beginning so dementors wouldn't hear them and follow the noise to attack. She felt dumb for not doing it sooner. After she broke the wall down it felt like she could do anything—like her magic was there again. Even without a wand, she had figured out how to conjure it with emotion: her emotion for him.

They barely exchanged words when she spent her time next to the wall creating the glamour. Every time their eyes connected, she would sheepishly look away, too cowardly to speak to him.

She was so frustrated. She thought they were making progress. She thought that their kiss on the balcony meant something, but she was wrong. She told herself that it didn't matter—that she shouldn't care if he wanted her or not.

But then she was reminded of her plan to manipulate him into falling for her. She wanted to abandon it completely. Her own feelings got in the way constantly, as much as she wished they didn't. She felt like something was wrong with her. But damn when she looked into his grey eyes, she felt butterflies in her stomach. She had never noticed how captivating they were.

It was about a week after the attack when he started speaking to her again.

"Granger," he said calling to her. The silencing charm could be broken when either of them wanted it to.

A deep pit grew in her stomach, she knew it was time for them to practice combative spells. She wanted to think he would never hurt her, but after seeing how angry he was when she fell asleep in his bed, she couldn't be sure.

"Yes," Hermione said shifting in her spot, grabbing at her sleeves.

"I'm feeling better if you are ready to practice," he said in a stern voice. He sounded so emotionless, unlike how he was in their visions. She had to remind herself that they weren't real. That version of him didn't exist.

"Okay, I'm coming over to your side," she said walking through the wall.

Their eyes connected for a moment before they both looked away. It was painfully awkward for her. It felt like they were enemies again in Hogwarts. They hadn't been this close since then. Sure, they were close in the showers, but it was pitch black then.

Now, she had a good look at him. They had always avoided each other, the only time she touched him was when she punched him in the face third year.

She hadn't realized she was staring at him. She looked down at her feet, avoiding his eyes.

"Okay, let's limit ourselves to non-lethal offensive and defensive spells. Since there is no way to cure ourselves here, nothing too damaging," he ordered her.

She didn't even know if she could practice magic like that. It took her days to fix the wall. She figured he was strong enough to since he had been strong enough to use legilimancy on her.

She simply just nodded her head and said "Yeah, I agree. Only temporary hexes and jinxes."

He walked over to one end of the room, so she walked to the other end. Without a wand to aim, this was bound to end badly.

With no warning he shot a hex at her, causing her to jump.

"You could have warned me!"

"There will be no one to warn you, Granger. This is a war. They are aiming to kill."

"Fine," she said steadying herself. She let her anger for him bubble inside of her, creating enough energy to cast a hex. She whispered a stinging hex his way, but he could sense it and blocked it.

He sent more her way, they were messy and not very well-aimed making it easier to dodge them. 

"Is that all you've got Malfoy?" She said laughing.

She was caught off guard by a spell, making her trip over her feet. She lunged toward him to block it but failed falling to the floor, taking him with her.

They fell in a heap on the ground. He was above her, staring into her eyes. She could feel his breath against her skin. Her chest burned like it was set on fire and her heart started to beat out of her chest.

"How is it we always end up in a compromising position Granger," he said in a low voice, looking up from her lips back up to her eyes.

"I—um," she couldn't form any words. This was so different than any of their visions. It felt more real. It felt amazing.

"We should get back to fighting." His lips were centimeters from hers. She wondered if they would feel as good as they did on the balcony.

"Yeah, that would be the practical thing to do," she said staring into his eyes. He was towering above her, his hands planted on either side of her head.

She wished she had to courage to close the space between their lips.

He stood up, straightening his clothes. She took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down after their close encounter.

Before she could make it all the way up and back to her spot across the room, he shot her with a stinging hex in the thigh. It felt like a bolt of lightning struck through her, dispersing down her leg causing a tingly feeling.

"What the fuck?"

"You can't be vulnerable Granger, you will die,"

"Stop the act that you're so worried about me. You're pissed at me for whatever reason, and you're taking it out on me by stinging me. Does it make you feel better to see me in pain?"

He walked closer to her, causing her to stumble back against the wall. She had no idea what was going to happen next. He kept getting closer until there were only inches between them. He towered over her, staring down into her eyes.

"Maybe it does Granger. If you don't keep that smart-arse mouth of yours closed, you'll find out." His breath was against her face, causing shivers to send down her spine.

Without thinking, she cast a spell pushing him away from her, causing him to fly into the adjacent wall. He caught himself from falling and sent her a look that could kill.

"Malfoy, you're not the only one," she said walking out of the room back into her own.

"Come back here. NOW," he said making his way to her side.

Before she could turn around to speak, his hand gripped her neck turning her to face him.

"Never do that again," he growled.

_Holy fuck._

She felt herself grow weak under him, wishing to give in. Maybe he could be the same as he was in the visions. That though didn't bother her. As his fingers gripped her throat, all the thoughts about how forbidden it was to touch him faded.

"I like it when you're mean, it brings me back to our Hogwarts days," she said staring up at him. She knew she was daring him to act on the impulses she knew they were both feeling.

"Don't test me," he said tightening his grip around her neck. She wanted to disobey him. She didn't want him to stop.

She started to lean in further hoping he would press his lips against hers. She tested him, seeing if he would give in.

He didn't. He slowly removed his hand from its spot on her neck, turned around, and walked back to his cell leaving Hermione breathless. She wanted to chase after him but ultimately decided not to.

Draco confused her. He was a mystery that couldn't seem to be unraveled. One moment he would let his walls down, the next he wouldn't let her in at all.

Of course, Hermione couldn't talk about someone being wishy-washy. She herself didn't know what she wanted. She constantly walked the thin line between letting herself be completely gone for him and restricting herself.

The more she knew she wasn't supposed to have feelings for him, the more she wanted to act on them.  
***

Later that night, she decided to. After hours of sitting in her cell thinking about him, she wanted to confront him.

Hermione charged onto his side, standing at the opening. Draco was laying on his side, doing Merlin knows what. It took him a moment to notice her presence.

"What happened to privacy," he said glaring up at her.

This time she wasn't going to be nervous or self-conscious or back down.

"Malfoy," she said in a serious tone.

"Can't you see I'm busy," he said pretending to be reading a book.

Hermione rolled her eyes and continued, "We should talk."

This caused him to look up at her. "About?"

She let out a huff. Anger boiled inside of her and it was as if steam was coming out of her ears. She was sick of him playing dumb.

"Why you treat me the way you do? After everything we have done." She was done playing coy. She was tired of the back and forth games with him.

"Granger, what happened when I used legilimancy wasn't real," he said in a nonchalant voice which made her fume.

She knew what she felt when kissing him. And she knew there was no way he didn't feel it too. 

"Stop, you know you felt something. I'm sorry I ruined it or did something wrong, but you can't pretend it never happened," her voice went softer as she finished the sentence.

"Trust me, you aren't the problem." He wouldn't meet her eyes. He was emotionless. It was like talking to a statue.

"Then explain it to me," she said. She didn't care how hard she had to push; she wanted the Draco that was in the visions. She knew he was in there somewhere.

"It is just easier if I keep my distance from you," he spoke in a cold voice.

_Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit._

"I think I can choose that for myself," she said moving closer to him. She was so sick and tired of not being able to choose for herself. She had already had everything taken from her.

"You should go," he said turning from her.

"What if I don't want to do that," she said placing her hand on his shoulder. He flinched at first, she wasn't sure why, but then turned back to face her. His hair was grown out, laying over his eyebrows.

"For your own sake, you should." He looked her up and down. She could tell there was more he wanted to say but didn't

She moved closer to him, looking straight up into his eyes. There were a million things she wanted to say to him. She wanted to let him know she was there for him—that she never wanted to leave. She wanted to apologize for everyone who had ever made him that way. She began to speak, "can we just forget about everything that lies outside of these walls, like we are in the visions again."

She could tell he thought about it. Whatever battle that was going on in his mind, the side of him staying there with her won.

"Just for tonight," he whispered, wrapping his arm over her shoulder.

He moved down, allowing her to use his chest as a pillow while his head laid on the metal. They were silent. If either of them spoke, it would make the moment far too real.

So, they laid together like they were the only two people left in the world. He held her in his arms, and she never wanted to be let go. It felt perfect, like two pieces of the same fallen star found each other again.

It was better than any dream or vision because it was real. It was real and Draco wanted her there. Even if it was just for the night.

**A/N**

**Just wanna clear this up.**

**When Hermione thought Draco was injured, her emotions allowed her to gain the strength needed to perform magic without her wand. So now she knows if she can hone in her emotions, she can practice. The bigger the emotions, the more power she has. Draco had been able to practice legilimancy the whole time, so he has had the power to use spells the whole time. He just hasn't needed or wanted to.**

**The next chapter will be on January 15th.**


	28. Chapter 28; D

Draco could feel her warmth next to him all night. Their bodies intertwined felt right, even though he wished it didn't

It was early the next morning and he woke up before she did. He could feel her wiggling her way out of his arms to go back into her room, but he just pulled her closer to his chest.

She settled back in his arms for a little longer. He tried to push away his thoughts telling him to stop—telling him he didn't deserve her.

_Just a few more minutes. I'll make her leave soon._

There was a war in his mind. He knew he could no longer doubt his feelings for her, but he could still choose how to handle them. He needed to control himself, which seemed impossible around her.

After a few more moments of embracing her, he loosened his grip allowing her to leave. It was the right thing to do. It would save them both the heartbreak if he just ignored her.

He knew he could never have her. Holding her in his arms all night was hard enough to do without finding himself getting attached.

The rest of the morning went on without them speaking. He laid in his bed pretending to be asleep, not knowing what she was doing. Things felt awkward between them, like both of them had an understanding not to talk about the night before.

He closed his eyes, trying to occlude his feelings for her away. He imagined them as pebbles in the bottom of the ocean again.

Just as he was finishing the guard opened his cell, calling them for showers.

Fate had a cruel sense of humor.

He got up, walking out of the cell. They barely met each other's eyes when they were cuffed together. He started to say something but stopped himself. Talking to her was hard when he couldn't say what he wanted to when around her.

They walked in silence to the shower. He contemplated what he would say to her the whole way there. Part of him wanted to give in and let her see the real him, but the other part told himself to keep his mouth shut.

_Don't be selfish with her. She doesn't deserve you._

He bit the inside of his cheek.

The halls started to darken, alerting him that they were close to the showers. He took a deep breath trying to dissociate himself. That was the only way he could be around her without thinking of kissing her.

The guard opened the door, allowing them to walk inside. They shuffled inside.

His mind grew wild at the thought of her next to him. He wanted his hands all over her body.

_Stop._

As the water started the rain down on them, he found it harder to stay away from her. He could smell her, sickly sweet. Like a candy you were told not to eat.

She was so fucking tempting.

He followed the chains connecting them until he was right behind her. He whispered her name, causing her to turn and face him.

"Granger," he said putting his hand on her jawline. He could tell she was nervous. Her breath hitched, causing him to want her even more.

"Malfoy," she said whispering his name, her breath hitting against his face.

_Fuck it._

The thought of touching her made him grow large.

He closed the gap between their lips, pushing her against the wall. It felt better than on the balcony because it was real. She wanted him here. The real him.

She hesitated at first, before giving in. Her lips moved against him roughly with so much passion and need. Her hand ran through his hair making him groan. He pressed his hand against the wall, asserting his dominance.

He grazed his hands all over her body like he couldn't get enough of her. She felt amazing and he wanted to take her right then and there. The thought of her becoming wet in her kickers made him hard.

His mind was racing and he couldn't think clearly anymore. He caved in to his desire for her selfishly.

Her hips moved against his creating a fiction that drove him insane. He moved his lips down to her neck, sucking and swirling his tongue around.

"Fuck," she moaned out writhing under him. He lifted her up against the wall allowing her legs to wrap around his. He pushed her harder against the wall causing her head to hit the stones.

It was so wrong but felt so good.

He sucked love bites all down her neck leading to her breast. He ran his hand under the fabric lifting it up to press kisses against her. Her skin was so soft and delicate he wanted to kiss every inch of her body.

She keened under him begging for more, causing him to go mental. She was like a drug coursing through his veins. He never wanted to stop.

He ran his fingers along her nipples causing them to harden before he pressed his lips to them sucking. She tasted so good.

He lifted his head back up kissing her lips wildly.

Before they could continue the guard opened the door abruptly, causing her to jump. He let her back down and they tried to act normal as they were led out of the showers.

The walk back to the shower felt like an eternity. His breath was heavy, and he had to adjust himself as he walked.

All he wanted was to touch her.

When they made it back to their cells he sauntered over to her side of the cell, pressing his lips to hers with no hesitation.

She responded, swiping her tongue across his bottom lip. Their lips moved in sync so passionately. He tried to remind himself that he shouldn't be kissing her.

_It doesn't mean anything. She doesn't mean anything to you._

"Tell me you hate me," he said pulling away from her. He stared right into her eyes, ordering her.

"But, I-" she hesitated. Her eyes were wide in confusion.

"Tell me you fucking hate me Granger," he said putting his hand around her throat.

It was easier to have her hate him than for him to understand she cared. It was easier to accept her intimacy if it was lined with hatred.

"I-"

"Now," he said tightening his grip.

"I fucking hate you," she said, turning him on even more.

"Show me."

His grip tightened on her shoulders as she was being pushed against the wall. They both knew it was wrong. He knew this was the start of her demise. He was like the devil offering to take her soul so her wildest dreams could come true. She should have never let those words escape. She should have buried them as far as she could and walked away. There were so many things she should have done, but as soon as she felt his breath on her face her mind could no longer listen to reason. And neither could he.

Her thoughts were interrupted abruptly by his hands enclosing around her neck again. She stared up at him with begging eyes.

"I'm going to make you wish you never said that _Granger._ " He said as he used his other hand to slip underneath her knickers. She took a sharp intake of breath. It was so dirty, so wrong. His fingers massaged her causing her to breathe heavily.

He quickened his pace, swirling his fingers around her clit. He could tell the pleasure was building inside her, so he pulled away edging her.

"How cute, you thought I was going to give you the satisfaction of being touched by me?" His voice seared. Her cheeks grew red from embarrassment, embarrassment he wanted her to feel. But it didn't end there. He ripped his hand from her knickers and slowly brought it to her mouth forcing his fingers to touch the back of her throat. His eyes turned staring so intensely in hers, then removed his fingers and continued to push her against the bed.

He loved controlling her pleasure—making her taste herself. It almost got him off just by touching her.

"Please—" she begged.

The sound of her voice begging for him made him harden. He didn't even care about pleasing himself, he just wanted to see her climax for him.

"I want to hear you beg for my fingers," he ordered her.

"Malfoy, please," she said looking up to him.

"Please what?" He said wanting to hear her say it.

"Touch me."

That was it for him.

He pulled down her knickers, rubbing her clit with his thumb. She twitched under him, bucking her hip for more.

He pressed one of his fingers at her slit. She was so fucking wet he just wanted to taste her. She looked so beautiful under him.

He dipped his finger inside of her, using his other hand to stimulate her clit at the same time. He needed to see her come for him.

"You're so fucking hot. I want you to come for me," he said pressing against her harder.

She nodded her head, coming undone under him. He could tell she was close. He pulled her closer to him wanting to feel her against his body.

"It- it feels so good," she said tilting her head back in pleasure.

He pressed her mouth against hers, feeling her moan into his mouth. He continued fingering her faster until he could feel her squirm underneath him.

"Fuck," he moaned out. He wanted to be inside her so badly. He wanted to feel her tight walls surrounding him.

She bit her lip trying to hold her moan in. "I'm about to come," she said arching her back in ecstasy.

And she did. It was euphoric to see her orgasm. To know he caused her that much pleasure was divine. His cock twitched, almost coming from seeing her finish.

He removed his fingers from her, placing them in his mouth to taste her. 

_Salazar, she tasted good._

He pulled his cock into his hands, thrusting at the thought of her coming for him. She pressed her lips against his neck, causing him to moan.

He had been so close just from touching her that it didn't take long for the pleasure to build inside of him.

"Fuck," he groaned nearing his climax.

Moments later he came into his hands at the thought of being inside of her. She stared at him in awe.

After he was finished he picked up her clothes, handing them back to her. He turned to leave, but she grabbed his wrist.

"Stay."

His heart panged. He had figured she wouldn't want to see him after what they just did. Pansy would always leave immediately after they would hook up. It was just something he had grown accustomed to.

He nodded his head sitting next to her. It felt like everything fell back onto his shoulders. Guilt rose inside him. He had told himself not to be selfish with her.

"Granger, I can't be with you," he said. As much as it fucking hurt to say it was for the best.

"Yeah, I knew that." She looked at the floor. He knew she was upset, but for what he didn't know. She probably regretted being with him.

"It's nothing more than—" he tried to explain.

"I know, just hold me," she said interrupting him.

He embraced her in his arms, feeling her curls against his face. His heart broke knowing he could never have her. He could never have her as his. He had a pit in his stomach. He coursing shake the thought that he was good enough to fuck her, but not good enough to be her boyfriend.

Draco tried to accept that. He knew it was better for her to be without him outside of Azkaban. But while they were here he tried to savor her as long as he could.   
  


**A/N**

**The next chapter will be on January 17th.**


	29. Chapter 29; H

Hermione woke up, stretching her arms out before realizing Draco was still next to her. She quickly moved her arms back and sat there in confusion. She didn't know what to do—if she should wake him up or move out of his grasp. He was in her cell so she couldn't just leave.

She couldn't believe what happened the day before. Thank Merlin she cast a silent hair removal spell while they were in the showers alone with one making her smell nice.

But what did it all mean for them? He told her that he couldn't be with her, which burned deep inside of her. She didn't want to confront the fact that she was upset by his words, that there was a part of her that wanted more.

The sad thing was that she would rather have him use her for sex, than not have him at all.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy it, she did. It was that he only wanted that from her. She understood they both had needs, needs that weren't being fulfilled in Azkaban, but the way she felt in his arms made her want more.

She felt like she could no longer tell what was real and what wasn't. She could have sworn he felt the way she ignited inside when she kissed him. She no longer knew if it was the isolation, but she didn't care. Her feelings felt real to her and it fucking hurt for them to be unrequited.

She laid there for about an hour staring at the ceiling, wishing time would stop.

Draco shifted in his spot and her heart stopped. She didn't know how he would react to them sleeping together all night.

He groaned and held her tighter. She could feel his morning bulge press into her thigh, causing her chest to tighten.

"Morning," he said in a deep voice.

_So. Fucking. Hot._

"Morning Malfoy," she said pressing her lips to his jawline. She couldn't help herself. He looked like a Greek god. His porcelain skin and his grey eyes drew her in.

"Keep doing that and it's going to be more than a good morning," he said at her with daring eyes. She wanted to test him; see how far she could push him.

"Maybe I want that," she said looking right back at him. She could tell he was thinking about it. She moved closer to him, inches from his face, then placed her hand against him. She looked up at him, tempting him.

"Fucking hell Granger." He put his hands against her shoulders, pushing her down onto the bed. He was on top of her staring down into her eyes.

She loved the way he threw her around, something Ron never did when they were together.

He moved lower, kissing her as he went down her body. Each kiss made butterflies erupt in her stomach. He took his time, admiring every inch of her body making sure to leave a kiss as he went.

"Please—" she shifted under him, so ready to be touched.

"Be patient," he said pushing her down into the metal bed harder. She nodded her head in obedience.

He touched the fabric outside of her underwear, teasing her. She could feel the heat of his hands through them and she jerked her hips up, begging to be touched. She could feel his thumb circle around.

"You're so fucking wet already," he said as he kept teasing her. She couldn't take it any longer. Even his voice dripped with arousal.

"I want to taste you," he told her, causing her to suck in her breath. She had never had anyone go down on her before. She didn't know what to expect.

"I—I've never," she started to speak before he interrupted her.

"Let me take care of you," he said staring up at her. She nodded her head slowly in agreement.

He scooped his hands under her thighs and pulled her towards him. The way he yanked her around sent her mind in a frenzy. The thought of being dominated by him was so fucking hot.

He pressed hot kisses against her thighs, causing them to shake in anticipation. She could feel his stubble against her legs. It was so tantalizing she never wanted him to stop touching her.

He buried his face between her legs, ripping her underwear off. She could feel his fingers massage her, causing her to let a moan escape her mouth. His touch was like a drug to her, she was high in euphoria every time his skin touched hers.

His tongue pressed against her clit, moving up and down exploring her. She had never experienced anything like it. She keened, tilting her head back. "Fuck," she moaned out.

He pressed kisses against her, sucking and licking every centimeter of her. It felt like heaven. Before she could wrap her head around it, she could feel him dip two fingers inside of her. Pleasure erupted inside of her as he continued to taste her.

"You taste fucking amazing," he lifted his head staring her in the eyes. His fingers still curled inside of her as he spoke. Knowing he loved the way she tasted made her want him even more.

He brought his head between her legs again, licking her with his tongue as he fingered her at the same pace. He curled his fingers up again, hitting her sweet spot.

"I'm close—keep doing that," she said wrapping her hand in his hair. She squeezed her thighs shut, causing him to open them wide leaving his fingerprints on her.

"I told you I would take care of you," he said dipping his head down again, making her legs shake.

She could feel his fingers inside of her, pumping in and out hitting her g-spot. His tongue lapped her at the same pace, causing her pleasure to build to its breaking point.

"Oh—Malfoy I—" she struggled to form words. Her mind was scrambled as she was close to her orgasm.

"I want you to come on my tongue now," he said looking back at her. His fingers continued to hit her in the right spot as his tongue stimulated her clit.

That sent her over the edge, causing her to shutter in pure ecstasy. It felt like heaven as she climaxed, his mouth tasting every bit of her.

Draco lifted his head. "Fuck, that was so hot. You've got me fucking close just from tasting you," he said catching his breath.

That was it for her. She wanted to take all of him in her mouth. She wanted to please him and make him moan out in pleasure.

"Come in my mouth, now," she said moving from her spot to get on her knees. She didn't care how bold she was, she wanted him right then and there.

He looked surprised for a moment before standing up. She could feel his cock throbbing from the outside of his pants. She wrapped her fingers around them, pulling both his pants and underwear down.

He was so fucking big.

"Fuck okay," he said grabbing the back of her head before pushing himself inside of her mouth. She struggled to take all of it in at once. Her eyes started watering as she looked up at him. She could see him flinch at the pleasure he felt from her tongue lapping up and down.

He pushed himself in and out, causing her to choke. She loved it though. She wanted to be a slut for him after the way he went down on her.

"Figured I'd put your mouth to use for once," he smirked. She loved the way he was using her. She bobbed her head up and down, moving her hand up and down his shaft as she did.

"F-uck," he moaned out. "I'm going to come."

He was right, he was close from only just tasting her. That was so fucking hot. She loved how turned on he got from eating her out. His hands snaked into her hair as she went down on him. She could feel him touch the back of her throat and she wanted to swallow every bit of his come. 

His head went back as he climaxed. She could feel the warmth of the come down the back of her throat as she took all of it.

"Good girl," he said pulling his pants up and bending down to her level. He pressed his lips against her mouth as if saying thank you.

Hermione whispered a cleaning spell for her knickers before putting them back on. Draco leaned back onto the metal bed and she laid her head on top of his chest. They were both out of breath and still in a daze from what just happened.

"I want all of you next time," she whispered causing him to shift from their spot. He sat up, staring down at her.

"Granger, I don't think that is a good idea," he said firmly.

It caught her off guard. She didn't understand how he could say that after everything. A pit started to grow in her throat and her chest burned. She took a deep breath and felt tears prickle in her eyes.

_Don't fucking cry._

She bit the inside of her lip, making sure to hide her emotion. She told herself she wouldn't back down this time. She would demand answers from him.

"Why?"

"It just isn't. I told you yesterday that I didn't want anything—" he started to say before she interrupted him.

"I can't keep hiding how I feel for you," she said looking distraught. She couldn't push her feelings for him away any longer. She'd done it for the entirety of their time in Azkaban and she couldn't anymore. She didn't care about her original plan anymore. Draco had found his way into her heart.

"Well, you should. Maybe we should go back to being just friends and nothing more," he told her. He ran his fingers through his hair.

Fuck that. She was so sick of the hidden glances and keeping their emotions tucked away in the visions. She was exhausted from the constant back and forth. With every step closer she made to uncover the truth, she was another ten behind. She couldn't pretend anyone.

"I don't want that. There is something between us, but you keep denying it," she raised her voice. She was no longer quieting herself for him.

He paused for a moment before speaking. "I'm not good for you. I am on the other side of the war. We have hated each other for all our lives for a reason."

How ironic. The pureblood didn't think he was good enough for her—the girl he used to say had muddy blood.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I refuse to accept that. What are you so afraid of?"

"Stop."

She could tell she hit a nerve but didn't stop.

"No, I won't. There is something you're not telling me," she demanded.

"I can't lose you okay. It's better for both of us if we stop this. It will save us the heartbreak in the future," he said quieting down to almost a whisper.

She would rather have her heart broken a million times then to never know what it was like to be his.

"I don't give a damn about my future Malfoy. As of right now, my only future is with you, here in Azkaban," she screamed out.

He shook his head in disagreement, like something she said bothered him.

"Fine, forget I said anything. We can go back to ignoring what's happening between us," she huffed sitting back down on the bed.

Draco stood facing her. "You're not being fair. You think you know me, but you don't know shit about me."

"Then tell me. All I've been trying to do is get you to talk to me!" She screamed out.

"I don't know how to love. I don't know how to be a good person let alone a boyfriend. I will never be the person who can express my feelings. I will never be the person you deserve to have and it fucking kills me inside. So, forgive me if I just want to be the person you fuck because that's a whole hell of a lot easier." His voice broke as he spoke to her, but she didn't back down.

"I can decide for myself who deserves me," she countered. She didn't want anyone else.

"Granger, can't you see how toxic we are together? In any other circumstances, we would have never felt this way for each other. I've hated you for so long and now I—. Don't you know how easy it would be for me to give in, to let myself have you? I've been trying so hard not to be selfish with you. I can't be the person who you want me to be, who you deserve." He breathed out angrily.

"I don't care how much I hated you or you hated me. I don't care if we are fucking toxic together. I want to be with you. Are you dense?" She was exasperated. She would show him toxic if that's what he thought they were.

"Granger—" he started.

She was tired of arguing with him over sex, over him not thinking he was good enough. It was bloody exhausting. She mustered all the courage she could find and started to speak.

"I want you to fuck me. I'm done arguing about feelings and all the other bullshit." She got up from her spot on the bed and stood up. His mouth dropped open.

"I—" he started to speak.

"Stop. I don't care what you have to say." She cut him off. She could be dominant too. She stood up and walked over to the mirror, fixing her hair.

"I was just going to say okay," he started laughing. Hearing his laugh made everything feel better. 

A smile crept up her cheeks.

She would spend every day of the rest of her life letting him know he was good enough if she had to.   
  
  


**A/N**

**The next chapter will be on January 19th.**


	30. Chapter 30; D

Hermione Granger was like a habit he couldn't quit. She was worse than drugs or biting your nails or any old fickle habit a person might have. She left bookmarks through his memory every time she would smile or furrow her brow. She was the type of person who left you with withdrawals every moment you spent away from her.

It was so damn hard to hide his feelings. Even with occlusion that fucking smile found its way to the forefront of his mind. In their time spent together since the literal and metaphorical wall crashed down, he was constantly seeing her.

He had never taken the time to really look at her in their days at Hogwarts—and he never wanted to. He was always taught muggle borns were filthy, and not to mention she constantly hung out with the two people he despised most in the world. Chalk it up to jealousy, but he had never really looked at her.

But god damn she was beautiful. Touching her was like seeing color for the first time. He didn't think he could ever go back. He didn't want to. He wanted to make her his. Seeing her blossom underneath him made him feel like he was brand new.

He wanted to let her in and tell her everything about his life, his mother, and father. He wanted to tell her what upsets him and what makes him laugh. He wanted to know everything there was to know about her. He wanted to hear all her stories.

A selfish part of him never wanted to leave Azkaban. He never wanted to think of the war again. He just wanted to stay in their bubble, floating effortlessly. Anytime his mind drifted to what would happen if they escaped, he stopped himself.

He wanted to give in to her. He tried to think he was enough for her. He would try his best to be.

He let himself give in to small touches. He slept next to her the previous nights and it seemed like he could never go back to sleeping alone again. She was everything he wasn't. She was warm, caring, and pure at heart.

He wanted to kill anyone who would ever call her filthy again.

He shook his head and balled his fists. He wished he could obliviate his past and leave it all behind like footprints in the sand.

He wished he could recreate himself into someone worth her attention. He wished he could be someone she wanted without the isolation forcing them together.

He walked over to the hole in the wall, staring at her sitting on the bed. She was deep in thought, her nose scrunching in the most admirable way.

"Granger, we should practice combat again," he began to speak, taking her away from her train of thought. She paused, looking up at him.

"Fine, but only if you play fair," she smiled, meeting his eye.

_So. Fucking, Beautiful._

"Darling you know I'm no good at playing fair, but for you, I will try," he laughed reaching his hand towards her. She took it, standing up. Draco led her to his room so they could practice.

She smiled that damned smile before getting into place to fight. The kind of smile that burned into your brain, showing itself every time you close your eyes. 

"For someone who claims to play by the rules, you sure are trying to distract me," Draco said captivated by her.

He tried to steady himself, preparing to duel her. Of course, he would try to challenge her, but he had no intention of hurting her with any of the spells he would send her way.

"I can't help it that you're paying attention to me, if we were on the battlefield, I would show you no mercy," she said sending a hex his way.

She was sexy when she showed him just how powerful she could be. It was like she finally found that fire inside her again, but with that fire, she was reborn into something new. She was no longer the mousy girl with the mane of curly hair she once hid under. She was a woman, who commanded attention anytime she entered a room.

He dodged it, cocking his brow. "Someone's feeling cheeky today."

"What can I say, I'm in a good mood to kick your arse," she said shrugging.

The tension rose high between them. Dueling was far more sexual than anyone would ever admit. Constantly being on alert with the other person, wondering when they might strike next.

"We'll see about that," he said smirking before launching a hex towards her. He missed by inches, causing her to laugh at him.

The way she moved her body was agile and effortless, like a garden snake. She was stronger, the magic inside of her working to her advantage like she had it all figured out. The magic that was once suppressed inside of her now flowed freely.

She had transfigured their prisoner attire into casual clothes, ones that showed every curve of her body. He wore a jumper with jeans, a very muggle look. When she had done so earlier that morning he simply laughed and thanked her. She had no idea what he wore in his free time. She had only seen him in his robes or a black suit.

"I can't help that every time I throw I hex at you I think about you underneath me," Draco smirked.

She was so damn tempting. Every time she shot a spell at him he wanted to pin her against the wall and kiss her right there.

"You bastard," she said her mouth turning into a smile.

She turned to him, pressing her lips against his. He moved his lips against hers and cupped his hand around her side. Every kiss they shared was like electricity shooting through his body. He knew he could no longer deny his feelings for her.

When she told Draco that she saw a future with him, he lost it inside. Cracks formed throughout the walls keeping him from truly being with her. It became profusely harder to build them back up.

He tried to tell himself it was purely a sexual attraction towards her, but he was lying to himself. Hermione was beautiful in ways he could never fully explain. She was strong and smarter than him. She was like a goddess that deserved to be worshiped. He hated himself for ever seeing her as a threat rather than appreciating that she was better than him.

When she asked him to fuck her, his heart stopped. Going all the way with her meant something more than just physical pleasure to him. Something so intimate, she was giving a part of herself to him, meant more than anything like could offer.

It also meant that she saw him, all the deep dark parts of him, and she decided that he was worth accepting them. That was the beauty of hating each other first. She saw all the fucked-up parts of him, and she could look past them.

She saw everything that others hated about him. And still, she wanted that intimate part of him, the kind lovers give each other.

"When I fuck you, I want it done right. Not here in a prison," he said pausing from their kiss.

She deserved everything he could give her. He wanted to take her somewhere beautiful—somewhere he could show her how much she meant to him.

"Can you use legilimancy on me?" She asked looking up at him.

He thought for a moment. Legilimancy would be a way to give her everything he wished he could. Not to mention that in their visions he could be someone else. He could be someone without his past or future. He could be someone that was deserving of her love.

"Possibly, would you want to go on a date?" He said sheepishly. He scowled at himself for being nervous about asking such a question. The old Draco would never be shy or overcome by emotions.

"Hmm, where would this date be?" She laughed.

"Wherever your heart desires. I will create it for you."

And he would. He would do anything, be anything from her. He would talk the ends of the earth for her if that meant he could be deserving of her.   
  
  


**A/N**

**Sorry, this is a filler chapter.** **The next chapter will be posted on January 21st.**

**Classes started back up and I will try to update every other day, but I am in college so if I miss a day I apologize.**


	31. Chapter 31; H

Hermione was nervous about their date. Nervous the way a schoolgirl would be when asked to the Yule ball. Her stomach was in knots with anticipation. Draco told her she could go anywhere in the world and he would create it for her.

She didn't mind where he took her as long as it meant something to him. The night before she told him he could pick for her, so she didn't know what was to come.

The next day he walked over to her side of the rooms.

"Are you ready Granger," he said laughing like she had known him forever. It felt so warm and familiar like it was something to cherish. Draco used to never smile or laugh, so every time he did, she filed it away in her memory to savor whenever she needed it.

"I suppose so, where will you be taking me?" she inquired. Her lips turned into a smile as she made eye contact with him.

"That's for me to know and you to find out," he said before walking closer to her.

"Okay, well then I'm ready."

He placed his hands on the temples of her head, gentle like he was putting a crown on her. He whispered the spell and then she was whirled away.

When she opened her eyes there was green everywhere. It was astounding and beautiful like spring had turned to summer. The greenery grew unyielding with flowers and expanded as far as the eye could see. It was obviously a garden, but not just any garden. There were hedges and trees with streams and mazes. It was breathtakingly beautiful like everything was alive.

"Where are we? This is beautiful," Hermione gasped out.

"The Manor," he said proudly. He turned to her watching her in awe. She was surprised by how full of color and life everything was.

"But the manor was so bleak and grey," she said in disbelief.

"Yes, but it wasn't always that way. It's like all the life and magic turned dark and died. But this—this is how it used to be," he explained.

He spoke about the manor like it was an omniscient force. He talked about it like it was someone who lost their way—like the dark magic seeped into its walls and onto the land itself.

She was shocked he took her there. It was the place she was tortured and branded by this aunt. To her it was a dark and wicked place but staring at the gardens it was vast and teeming with life. Like Draco, the manor had been filled with darkness, but now was opening and rebirthed into something beautiful.

Spring was the season of rebirth and summer was of impetuosity and teen love. It was the season of star-crossed lovers and the prime of one's life. It was the season of exploration and youth. The season of freedom and acceptance before the summer days fell like colored leaves in autumn. For so long she was in the Winter of her life, he was too.

She spun around in joy, taking in the heat of the sun. She had no idea what day it was in the real world, but she no longer cared. This moment was effortless and existed forever in the present.

"You're such a dork," Draco chuckled.

"Too bad, you're going to have to tolerate it," she said grabbing his hand.

She led him through the garden, running to nowhere in particular. She stopped when she met a large fountain with emerald tiles that glinted in the sun as the water sparked as it rained down.

She jumped up on the ledge of the fountain, walking along the edge. He followed her and she began to hum a tune.

"Care for a swim?" She said turning to him.

"No way," he laughed out looking at her as if she went mad.

She fell into the water, bringing him with her. They were baptized by the water, being cleansed of all their sins. And when they rose from the water, like the manor, they too were reborn and filled with life.

"You're going to pay for that one," he groaned as he lifted himself up. His clothes were sopping wet and his hair hung over his eyes.

"Catch me if you can," she yelled, running back towards the manor.

She was wearing a dress, just a casual one you would wear on a summer day. As she ran it rippled in the wind. She ran fast as if flying, and her lungs filled with air as she went on. Draco ran behind her, like he chasing his prey.

She ran until she made it to the back entrance of the manor. It was enormous and victorian, spanning far and wide.

"I forget you're a rich boy," she said turning to face him.

"Very funny Granger. Stick with me and you might be a rich girl too," he said rolling his eyes.

Draco led her inside, and she gasped as she took it all in. They seemed to be in a ballroom almost. The ceiling had renaissance paintings with angels and gods with silver trim around it.

"It makes me want to dance," she said imagining all the elegant balls that must have been held there. It made her feel so out of place and in awe at the same time.

"Okay, what do you want your gown to look like," he questioned her.

"You can't be serious," she said shaking her head. There was no way. She wasn't very good at dancing.

Before she could protest, he snapped his fingers and he was in a black suit. She looked down and found herself in a beautiful forest green gown.

She gasped, turning in a circle as she watched her dress move.

"May I have this dance," he said reaching his hand out. He looked aristocratic, like a prince. She stared into his eyes, feeling the tension as he put his hand on her waist.

She could hear an orchestra of music playing as she danced across the floor like royalty. He led her with years of proper dance classes and made sure she didn't fall.

After a while, he stopped.

"Follow me," he said walking in front of her. They walked for some time before she was in front of a tall ornate door. He opened it to reveal a library.

The library was enormous and had more shelves of books than Hogwarts did. It had an upper and lower level and was lined with marvelous books. It was elegant and valuable, spanning generations of readers.

"Wow," she breathed trying to take it all in. "I never want to leave here."

"I would give you a million libraries, Granger. Whatever it takes."

No one had ever treated her like Draco did. He would move mountains for her and she knew that. Just knowing he would be enough for her.

She pulled him in, kissing him in between the stacks of books, like their very first kiss in the library. Except for this time, she knew she was kissing him, and she never wanted to stop.

"I want to rewrite the trauma ingrained in this home," he said staring at her with his grey eyes.

She nodded her head understanding.

And they ran down the hallways like children, and with them, the manor came back to life, void of the death that lingered the halls before. Her gown flowed behind her as she ran.

They stopped when they reached a door. She was confused at first until he explained it was his room. He stood tall opening the large mahogany door for her.

When she entered his room, it was vast. It had silver and green accents. His bed was huge with a canopy above it. There was a window with a balcony and everything anyone could possibly want.

Before she could say anything, he pushed her onto the bed, his lips hard and rough against hers. He played with the collar of her dress, moving his hands ever so slowly against her neck.

It was as if a fire sparked inside of her. She needed him more than ever. It was like electricity poured through her skin and he was the cure.

"Take my dress off," she said turning around. He gingerly brought his hand to the back of her dress before unzipping it to reveal her skin.

"You're fucking beautiful Granger. You know that?" He rubbed his hands along her body. Her heart panged feeling his breath against the nape of her neck. She gently closed her eyes.

The removal of her dress revealed her to be in black lacy knickers and a matching bra. His eyes scanned over her body, taking it all in.

With a swift movement, he brought his hand to the back of her bra, unclasping it. He laid kisses along her neck while tweaking her nipple with the other hand. She let out a moan as he buried his head in her neck. He cupped her breast in his other hand.

He moved his lips from her neck, trailing them down to her breasts, leaving love bites as he nipped against her. She cried out in pleasure, needing him to stop teasing her.

"Are you sure?" He paused connecting his eyes with hers.

"Yes. Please—" she said as her hands raked across his back. He was so strong, his body chiseled like a marble statue.

He brought down his fingers, touching her heat through the fabric. She flinched, wishing he would take her right there.

"You're so fucking wet." He said bringing his hands softly over her. He sent shivers down her spine and he teased her through the fabric. He massaged circles through her underwear causing her to squirm.

"I want you so bad," she panted reaching for him.

"Patience," he said moving his hand away from her sex. She ached in his absence, so desperate and needy for him.

"Please—" she begged.

"I have to prepare you. I don't want to hurt you," he turned to her before pulling her underwear down.

He rubbed her clit, feeling her wetness against his fingertips. Bringing his fingers up to his mouth, he tasted her, wetting them with his spit. He slipped his fingers inside of her, stretching her walls. One at first, then another curling it towards her sensitive spot. Her hands gripped the sheets throwing her head back.

"I can't wait to feel you," he breathed out. She loved that he wanted her. She pushed her thighs together, needing the friction.

"I want my cock buried inside of you," he said making her buck her hips up. He chuckled to himself. "My words make you so wet don't they?" He whispered causing her to lose her mind.

"Mmhm."

She ripped his jacket open throwing it to the side. He unbuttoned his shirt revealing his skin. He wanted to touch every inch of his body. He unbuckled his pants, pulling them down along with his underwear revealing himself.

He pulled her towards him, spreading her thighs open. He was gentle, rubbing her folds after. He pressed two fingers inside of her again, prepping her for his large length. Pleasure swirled inside her but it wasn't enough.

"I'm ready," she moaned out to him. He was above her, placing one arm to her side and the other against the headboard. Her head laid against the pillow, her curls displayed around her.

He lined himself up to her entrance before slowly sliding himself inside of her. She gasped in pain.

"You're so fucking tight," he breathed out. He filled all of her, stretching her open. He could barely move inside of her it was such a tight fit.

"Fuck," she cried out. The pressure built up inside of her and it hurt. He pulled out and then back in. His length pushed slowly inside of her and stilled waiting for her to adjust.

She was in obvious discomfort for a moment and Draco noticed pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"I'll take care of you darling," he said looking into her eyes letting her know it would be okay.

She nodded and he stilled waiting for her. After a few moments, the pain subsided into pleasure. He rocked his hips into hers slowly, his dick getting slick from her wetness. He pushed back in with a long slow stroke, staying deep until she got accustomed to him.

"How does my cock feel" he lowered, saying in her ear. She struggled to speak.

His hips snapped against hers and she could feel him inside of her again. She moaned out as he kept thrusting into her in such a way that made her legs shake.

"Tell me," he said gripping her neck.

"It-it feels so good," she said bucking her hips up. 

"Faster," she begged him needing all of him inside of her.

"God, Granger you feel so fucking good," he sped up his pace. She cried out in pleasure as he hit against her g-stop over and over. She was close to the edge and felt like she was about to come already.

He moved her to where she would be on top of him. "Fuck me like the good girl you are," he said gripping her waist.

"I can't hold it any longer," she shuddered. It was pure torture. She was tipping over the edge.

"Don't come until I tell you to come," he ordered causing her to take a deep breath. Her heart beat out of her chest as she tried to slow her climax. She placed him at her entrance before sliding down.

"Yes sir. Fuck—oh, please" she said in ecstasy as he went deep from the position. She bounced up and down as he hit further inside her near her cervix.

"Hermione fuck, you feel fucking perfect," he said holding her hips so tightly that it would leave bruises.

She could barely grasp the fact that he said her name, let alone what that meant.

"Draco, Draco, Draco, I'm going to...fuck" she said snapping her head back. He was hitting her in all the right places. His hips flowed against hers creating just the right friction she needed.

"Hold it," he said, stilling her. Her insides pulsed in agonizing pain, needing a release. She tried to remain still on his cock, careful not to make any move that would send her over the edge.

"Fuck, Draco I can't...it's too much," she screamed out. He pumped in and out of her so hard and fast that she felt tingles and her vision went white. She clenched her thighs trying to hold her orgasm in.

"Just like that," he groaned. "I'm so close Hermione. I'm going to come so hard," his voice was deep and husky, almost carnal.

She struggled to control herself as she was being edged by him. It was so overwhelming and sensitive. Her breath hitched and she gasped for air. Her thighs trembled trying to hold it all in, and when she thought she couldn't last any longer he spoke. 

"Darling come for me. I want to feel you come on my dick," he said giving her permission.

She rode him, letting him hit her most sensitive spots. She reached for him, making him sit up and face her. They were face to face and she pressed her lips against his, moaning in his mouth. His arms wrapped around her tightly as he moved her up and down on his cock.

"I'm coming, fuck I need to pull out," he said pulling away. She bounced on him hard and fast, leading him closer to his climax. She didn't stop, wanting to see if he could hold his.

"Keep going, I'm so close Draco," she begged him. She brought her lips to his neck, sucking in order to mark his skin.

"Fuck, I'm trying," he groaned out. His other hand stimulated her clit as he pumped in and out of her. Her walls surrounded him, pulsing from holding her orgasm for so long.

"I want you to fill me up. Come for me Draco...right here," she said clenching around him. She needed to come so badly and was so fucking close.

"Hermione..." he tilted his head back in euphoria. The sound of her name on his lips sent her into oblivion.

"Draco..." she cried out surrendering herself completely to him. He pushed her back against the bed, on top of her again. His hand wrapped around her neck creating a high she never wanted a withdrawal from.

"Fuck, I'm coming," he moaned out.

Her walls pulsated and she felt her whole body fill with pleasure as he thrust into her. She was fully under his control. "Just like that...right there. Fuck," she moaned out as he set her over the edge.

And just like that, she came hard and fast feeling it throughout her whole body, causing her to arch her back. Draco groaned loud as he came, thrusting a few more times. She could feel his warmth fill inside her as they both rode out the waves of their orgasms.

They fell onto the bed, staring at one another. Their chests heaved begging for air. She pulled the covers over her, snuggling into the bed. Draco followed, laying under the covers too.

"Can you promise me something?" Hermione spoke breaking the silence. They were facing each other, both tired.

"Anything," Draco breathed out.

"Promise me that no matter what happens—no matter if we escape or hate each other again or stay here the rest of our lives—that you will always remember this moment we shared. Promise me that it will mean something to you...that I will mean something to you," she said looking into his eyes, searching for approval.

"Always."   
  


**A/N**

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. I have no beta/alpha reader so if there are mistakes I missed I'm sorry.**

**The next chapter will be on Jan 23rd.**


	32. Chapter 32; D

The next morning, Hermione and Draco woke up together. After he used legilimancy on her they fell asleep tangled in each other's arms. It was like they were just two teens without a care in the world. 

Draco woke up before her, enamored by how beautiful she looked. He had taken her the night before, and even though it technically wasn't real, it was something he would cherish forever. He promised himself that one day he would take her to the manor and recreate it with her. He promised himself the manor would be restored and rid of all its darkness. He would do it for her.

He said her name and she said his. As trivial it seemed, it meant something for both of them. When he was on top of her, in the most intimate way, he knew he never wanted to go back to how it was before. He never wanted to be the cold apathetic person he was before. 

The seeds he had planted had grown into flowers, their vibes wrapping around him and her, holding them together.

It had all started with a simple plan. A plan to make her fall for him. He never expected to fall along the way. Now he was stuck and couldn't deny it any longer. Even if he couldn't bring himself to express those feelings, he could no longer lie to himself. 

All he could do was be there for her. Even if she didn't feel the same way about him he would make sure she was taken care of. Whether they spend the rest of their lives in this cell or they escaped and she never thought of him again, he would be there. He wouldn't allow the war to take any more from her. 

Hermione was the only person in the whole fucking world who knew or saw even an ounce of Draco. There were so many things she still didn't know but she still saw him. It didn't matter if she knew everything, she still cared for him. Even if it was just as a friend that was more than he ever had.

"Hermione," he said rubbing his hands through her hair. It was so soft and laid around her face, framing it perfectly. The way her name left his mouth felt like it was sacred. It was like a forbidden spell that only he should know. 

"Mm," she said still half asleep. Her freckles danced across her skin and her eyelids fluttered. She looked so peaceful. Her limps were entangled with his, like the vines that held them together. 

Draco leaned down to kiss her on the forehead and pulled her in closer. Their night together meant the world to him. Sure, he had sex before but with her, it felt like the first time. It felt like what people talk like when they fantasize about losing their virginity. He didn't care if he had sex before or if she had. It was their first time together and it was magical, binding them together.

He knew guys weren't supposed to gush and be all emotional, especially with sex, but Draco no longer believed that. He no longer saw it was a distraction or something to just do. It now meant something. 

He struggled to express his emotions. It made him uncomfortable. He tried his best to show how he felt for her, but when it came to words it felt like they could never leave his lips. If they did there would be no going back. He was too afraid to lose her. If he never shared his feelings, it would be easier in the future to let them go. 

He shook the thoughts from his head. 

"Granger," he said with his head buried in her neck, leaving his breath against her neck. He could feel her skin prickle into goosebumps. 

"Draco stop trying to seduce me, it's so early," she said turning over to nuzzle her head against him. His chest constricted at the sound of his name on her lips. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.

Her saying his name meant she cared.

He pulled her in tightly, not reacting to his name being said. He didn't think he was capable of feeling again but she found her way inside of his heart and thawed it.

"I'm just trying to wake you up," he said causing her to sit up. 

She stretched out her arms, yawning. "Why, it's not like we have anything to do here."

"I was bored and awake before you," he laughed.

"You prat," she said punching his arm playfully.

He liked the comfort that was between them. He wished it could last forever. His smile seemed to fade as he sat there with her. Her face scrunched up in confusion. 

"What's going on...do you, regret—" she started to speak, trailing off in hesitation. He could tell she thought he regretted their night together. Her uncertainty burned in his chest. It meant he failed at letting her know how much it meant to him.

"No, of course not. I just--I told you how I felt," was all he could manage out. He knew damn well Hermione could never be just a fuck. It was just so hard to put into words how he felt.

"Oh. We don't have to be anything more than—" she started to say, not meeting his eyes. She was still sitting next to him but started to scoot over, distancing herself.

"It's not that I don't want you. Fuck I do. I just know I can't be what you deserve. What happens when we escape? You're not going to want me in the real world," he stammered out. His mind was scrambled and he felt embarrassment rise inside him.

"That's not true." She shook her head looking deep into his eyes with her hazel ones. He looked down at her lips then back into her eyes. Years of hatred hid behind those eyes. Hatred they both felt towards one another. Hatred that only dissolved because of their isolation.

"You say that now, but you and I both know that we would have never connected if we weren't in here together," he stared sharply at her. It was true and they both knew it. 

"Why does that matter? I want you Draco so please stop trying to tell me what is good for me," Hermione rose her voice, her declaration stinging. It stung that she wanted him, that she was able to tell him to his face she did. It would make it all the world harder to let her go.

"Hermione, you deserve the fucking world and it kills me that I can't give it to you," he brought his voice down. He looked at her, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration. He didn't want to upset her.

She leaned in pressing her lips against his jawline. "You're giving me everything I need just how you are," she whispered causing his heart to race. She had a soothing effect on him. 

Guilt rose inside of his chest. He felt like he owed her more, like he needed to tell her everything. He needed her to know why he couldn't be with her if there ever escaped. He thought for a moment and began to spill his heart to her.

"There is something I never told you. When I was assigned to kill Dumbledore and failed, _he_ _-who-shall-not-be-named_ crucioed me and told me if I ever defied him again, he would hurt my mother. I got sent here because I ran, I defected. I don't even know if she is alive. I'm afraid if we escape and he knows I'm with you that he will kill her," he said taking in a sharp breath. He didn't know how she would react to his confession but he had to get it off his chest.

Hermione paused for a moment.

"I—I would never expect you to pick me over your family. Hell, I don't know if we will ever escape, but I promise we will figure it out," she said moving in to give him a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he didn't move or hug her back. He wasn't used to being hugged so he just sat there.

"Now, my father...I don't care what happens to him. I just couldn't live with myself if he ever hurt her," he said in a low voice. He couldn't give a damn if his father died.

"I understand." Hermione pressed her lips to his like she was curing him of all his worries. Her lips against his cold ones made him feel warm inside. He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, running his fingers through her hair. Their lips moved slowly, reminding him of the night before.

Why was she so fucking good to him. It made him sick. It was like he couldn't accept anything but toxicity from someone—like he didn't deserve anything else. It was easier to accept her hatred than compassion. 

He pulled away from the kiss. 

"That's all I ask for. My whole life I've never had a soul understand me let alone try to, but you—you do," he clenched his jaw. Uttering those words took a lot out of him. Expression emotion was nearly painful after years of being trained to keep them in.

She smiled, linking her fingers in his. Her hands were soft, and he rubbed his thumb against her hand. It was a symbol of her support for him. Her thin delicate fingers wrapped in his.

"If you ever tell anyone I've gone soft Granger I swear you will regret it," he said smirking at her. Sarcasm and whit were his way of showing he cared. It was easier than being serious. 

"Of course." 

**A/N**

**The next chapter will be on January 25th.**


	33. Chapter 33; H

Hermione couldn't stop thinking about Draco. It was the next day and they had spent all night with each other. She wanted to be his, but he didn't think she deserved him.

She wished she could prove to him how important he was to her. She wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him she never wanted to let him go. She knew they were the unlikely pair but it just felt so right to her. He made her feel like she could breathe again. She felt like she was free when she was with him.

Hermione walked through the threshold to Draco's room. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, she decided she would ask him to duel. She figured they should practice fighting again so it was a win-win. It had been a while since their last spar, and it felt like everything had changed since then.

The last time there was a disconnect between them. Oh, how she wanted him to take her right there. She wanted to see how dominant he could be. Something about him shooting hexes at her made her aroused.

"We should practice again," Hermione called over to him. He lifted his head up, his hair falling in his face from lack of a haircut.

"Wanting to get your ass kicked again," he smirked standing up and walking to the other side of the room. His body was lean, and she couldn't keep her mind on practicing.

If only he knew.

"Really, I was going to say the same thing to you," she said nearing towards him. Her heart raced in anticipation. She planned to tempt him, trying to make him make a move. She threw a hex at him, and he dodged it moving closer to her.

She tried to cast another one, but he moved in an agile way, deflecting it.

"Is that the best you can do?"

Before she could send another one his way, she could feel him holding her in a chokehold, his breath radiating down her neck. Her head was against his rough chest. He turned her around causing her head to hit against the stone wall.

"It would be this easy to kill you," he said against her neck, making shivers send down her spine. He dragged his lips against her neck, going ever so slowly. She could feel her breath hitch, wanting him more than ever.

"All I would have to do is cast an unforgivable if you didn't choke first," he said tightening his grasp on her neck. He forced her chin upward, making her look him in the eyes. It was torturous in the best possible way.

"What next?" She whispered making her breath puff against his face. The tension between them was arousing. It was too much for either of them to ignore.

"Well, I could kill you, or take you right here," he said staring with his grey eyes into hers with a carnal stare. She loved the dominance he exuded.

"I would prefer the ladder," she spoke causing him to lose himself.

Draco put his hand against the wall, closing in on her. He pressed his lips against her with passion and roughness that sent her mind wild. It was a hungry kiss like they couldn't get enough of each other. He placed his hand on her hips, traveling down scrunching up her uniform. He pressed the pads of his fingers against her knickers while kissing her collarbone.

She was already soaking and Draco noticed, smirking back up at her. She bucked her hips against him, wanting all the friction she could get. He was like heroin running through her veins, sending her into a frenzy for his touch.

"Shh, be patient," he said removing his hand from her, causing her to ache from the lack of it. His voice was deep and gravely against her face. Her legs trembled as she stretched up to kiss his neck, swirling her tongue around. He took a deep breath and groaned in need.

Draco lifted her from her spot against the wall to the metal bed frame. She wrapped her legs around him as he carried her. It was hard as she was sat against it. It was the opposite of their dream. This time it was rough, and she loved it.

Their lips reconnected with such passion that her lips were left sore. He snaked his hand up her shirt and under her bra, tweaking her nipple with his fingers. Hermione let out a moan, wrapping her hands around his neck trying to pull him closer. She needed all of him: his skin against hers made her ignite.

"Fuck, Draco I need you," she whispered in his ear begging to be touched by him.

He reacted by pulling her underwear down and spreading her thighs wide open. The pressure of his fingertips against her legs would be sure to leave bruises. Before she could react to his hot breath against her core, she could feel her underwear being removed and he pressed open mouth kisses against her. 

Hermione threw her head back, running her hands through his hair. She jerked her hips against his mouth, creating the friction she needed. She could feel him lap at her clit with his tongue, making her feel fireworks.

"You taste so fucking good," he said lifting his head up from her. She bucked her hips from the ache of pleasure. "Just like that love," he said in a deep voice lifting his head.

Draco placed two fingers at her entrance, preparing her for his size. He dips them in and out while tasting her clit. She was reaching her climax and he hadn't even penetrated her yet. Every touch of his fingers was filled with pleasure and need for more of him.

She pulled him up from her, kissing him long and hard. She moved her hands down to his pants, finding him hard and throbbing. She pulled them down and grabbed his cock in her hands. It was just as big as in the vision and she was in a trance at the sight of it. She wanted to please him so badly in reward for the way he made her feel.

"Fuck—" he moaned as she put the tip in her mouth, swirling her tongue around. She wanted to give him foreplay that he deserved. She went down on him, bobbing her head and taking all of him in. Draco threw his head back, moaning out loud. She dragged her tongue against the shaft before putting his cock back in her mouth, tasting all of his pre-cum.

He bent down, wrapping his hand in her curls. "Turn around," he said flipping her over. Her legs began to shake, and she arched her back as he positioned himself at her entrance.

With one hand gripped in her hair, Draco began to push himself inside of her. She could feel the pressure of him filling her. Her breath was heavy, and she panted from the position. He went agonizingly slow, sliding in and out of her slick. She moaned with each thrust. He seemed her hit her in all the right spots.

"You're so fucking tight," he moaned out, pulling her hair as he pushed inside of her faster and harder. She could feel him deep inside, hitting her g-spot with every thrust. He was so big she had to grow accustomed to him.

With every pump, she could feel herself get closer and closer. She moved her hips back and forth against his. He moved his other hand down rubbing against her clit.

"I'm so close," she mewled out.

"Come for me," he said pushing her down into the metal bed. She moved, bucking her ass against him with every thrust. "Just like that, come for me."

She keened, feeling herself fall over the edge. He pounded into her harder, "Fuck Hermione I'm about to come, come with me," he said pulling her hair with every move.

She felt herself reach her peak and throbbed in euphoria as he thrust into her one final time. Her orgasm hit hard, leaving her vision white. He pulled out just before he came, moaning as he did. She could feel him release against her back, loving every second of it.

He grabbed her clothes, whispering a spell to clean them. He wiped down her back making sure she was dry. He kissed the nape of her neck and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Hermione you're so fucking beautiful," he said lying beside her. They both tried to catch their breath as they sat there panting.

She turned over to stare at him, his body lean and pale like a marble statue. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him. He pressed his lips against her head giving her a kiss.

She had never felt for another soul the way she did for him. She wished he could know just how much he meant to her. She would do anything for him. Her heart swelled every time he smiled or laughed. Whenever he kissed her she felt like it was the first time. She felt like they were missing pieces to the same puzzle.

"Draco, I'm falling for you," she blurted out without thinking.

She could hear his breath catch in his throat. He simply pulled her closer and held her in silence.  
  
  


**A/N**

**The next chapter will be on January 27th. Sorry, I'm updating this sorta late. I'm in college so sometimes I might be updating by midnight. Also, I have to beta/alpha so any mistakes are ones I missed myself.**

**It would mean the world to me if you could post or recommend my story on TikTok!!! My username is iitssoalexx**

**Thank you**

**\- Alex**


	34. Chapter 34; D

His mind was laced with her words.

"Draco, I'm falling for you."

They weaved through his brain, strangling him with their impact. When she told him that it felt like he had just been shot in the chest. He tried to remain calm and not show her how it made him feel. He pulled her close and pretended he never heard her say it.

That night she fell asleep in his arms and he laid awake staring at the ceiling. He counted the ridges above him, trying to distract himself from his own feelings. It felt like she had reached inside and ripped his heart out with her bare hands. He didn't know how to reciprocate love. He didn't even know how to feel love for another person.

He was sure what he felt Hermione was damn close to it though.

He rubbed his hands through his hair, trying to think of what to do. He was fucking terrified of telling her he felt the same way. Love came with expectations that he didn't know if he could meet. He was so used to everyone expecting the worst out of him that now she didn't he was constantly afraid of fucking up.

He tried so hard to be good for her. But he knew he was wrong. He knew he was damning her for eternity every time he let his lips touch hers. With every touch, he ruined her more. She was the golden girl of the war and he was the epitome of wicked.

He spent all night trying to untangle his thoughts and decipher what to do.

The next morning, she woke up beside him, she wrapped her arms around him without a care in the world. It was slightly concerning how easy she could allow herself to be with him. It was like she had no self-preservation.

Her smile soon faded as she noticed the look on his face. "What's wrong?" She asked him with a worried look on her face.

He took a long breath in. He wished he could say everything on his mind, but he just felt numb inside. "We need to talk," he said in a low voice that was barely audible. His chest burned with anxiety.

"Is everything okay?" Her eyes looked up to his and her voice was wavering. He could see how nervous she was, her leg bounced up in down with anticipation of what he was to say next.

"Hermione you can't fall for me." He knew she would be better off without him. She couldn't love him, as much he wanted her too. He knew it was selfish to take her love when he didn't deserve it.

"Draco—" she said trying to interrupt him. She reached out to him, trying to make him understand but he didn't want to.

"Hermione I'm serious we can't—" he began to say. His heart thumped out of his chest and it pained him to tell her this. He could barely finish his sentence before she interrupted him.

"I love you okay. Ever since I stepped foot in here, I have been trying my hardest not to, but I have fallen for you." Her voice was strong and certain causing him to lose focus on his train of thought. He hadn't expected this declaration and it caught him off guard. He was overcome with emotion hitting him like a brick. He felt his brain swirl in his head, leaving him dizzy.

It was like the first time he had accidentally got into Hermione's time but this time it was worse. She was so vulnerable exposing her feelings for him that it gave way for him to use legilimency on her without meaning to. Draco could hear echos of thoughts, Hermione's thoughts, that bounced through his mind. They pierced his ears, causing him to raise his hands to his head.

_Remember the plan._

_Make him fall in love with you so you can escape._

_You're just using him._

_None of it is real._

Her thoughts stabbed at his mind like an assault on him. He heard them clear as day like they were being said to him. After a few moments, he regained consciousness. The room seemed fuzzy around him and he looked in distress. It took a few moments to process.

She had faked her feelings for him the entire time.

"What the fuck is wrong with you," he screamed out, so loud Hermione started the shake. His chest burned like a wildfire and it felt like there was a hole in his chest. He couldn't wrap his mind around it all.

She never loved him. She was just using him the whole time to escape. He didn't deserve love like he thought. He hadn't been enough, she just manipulated him. He felt like someone had just died and he struggled to find the words to say. He knew he had the same plan she did, but it fucking killed him. He started to dissociate and felt like he couldn't grasp reality anymore.

"What did I do—" Hermione started to say. It was muffled and he started to shake. It felt like everything was foggy around him. 

"Yeah play dumb," he said in a sharp voice. Something turned cold inside him causing him to revert back to his old self who had no regard for others. He was tired of trying to be enough for her. 

"Draco I—"

"Don't fucking call me that anymore. You don't get to call me my name," he said getting up from his spot. He clenched his first in order to keep himself from hitting it against the stone wall. He had a pit in his throat and tears threatening to escape. He tried to occlude and push his anger away but failed. 

"Hey—what the fuck is going on. Talk to me," Hermione stood up walking towards him. She was filled with confusion and looked at him with a concerned expression. He didn't want to hear what she had to say though.

"You," he said getting in her face, his breath puffing against her face. "You are a liar Granger. I just heard your thoughts. 'It's all just part of your plan huh?'"

"You don't understand, let me explain—" her voice cracked. He could tell he scared her, which hurt a part of him. He pushed that part away that felt empathy for her and continued to speak.

"No, I don't need to hear anything else from you because guess what. I had the same damn plan. I can't believe I was going to tell you that I loved you too. I'm glad I saved myself the regret," he said pacing back and forth. He was filled to the brim with rage. 

He buried those three words deep. 

Hermione started to walk towards him. She placed her hand on his shoulder and began to speak, "Fuck, Draco please just hear me out."

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT," he turned around screaming in her face. He was inched from her and she stumbled backward, sitting back on the bed. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but couldn't stop. 

"It started like that, but I fell for you, please—" she said with her head in her hands. Part of him wanted to wrap her in his arms and forget everything but he couldn't.

"I can't believe you, Granger," he said in a low voice. He was falling for her and he hated it.

"Malfoy—" that name stung. It was the name associated with all of his mistakes. It held the weight of all his sins. It was what she called him when she hated him. Maybe it was better that way. 

He was numb. He wanted to just turn off all his emotions and bury them as deep as the sea. Draco was tired of caring and getting hurt in the process. He got up to walk out of the room and into his.

"No. You meant nothing to me either. It was all part of my plan to use you to escape. I was wrong saying I don't deserve you. Maybe we are perfect for each other you're just as fucked up as me." The words left his mouth with a wicked tone; the wicked tone that Hermione used to know so well. 

**A/N**

**The new update scheduled will be Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays/Sundays. This means I will post either Sat. or Sun. or maybe both days depending on if I can or not.**


	35. Chapter 35; H

Hermione's heart shattered. Not in the way that people talk about being heartbroken. Not in a melodramatic way, but in a way that left her fractured. All of the isolation seeped into her psyche when she realized she was utterly alone now. Draco wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She was stuck, alone, in Azkaban for who knows how long.

It had been days since she last spoke to Draco and it killed her inside. Her heart wrenched when he yelled at her. She felt the guilt latch into her soul, hallowing her out. She knew he had the same plan as she did, but it hurt equally as bad. She couldn't imagine life without him anymore.

It hurt knowing that their love sprouted from lies and manipulation. It made her feel like she was insane. She didn't know if he actually had feelings for her or if it was just an act. One thing she knew was real—she knew she loved him.

She knew she loved him because every night she would cry out until she felt baren of tears. He couldn't hear past the silencing spell, but she would cry his name out in agony. She would plead for forgiveness—for anything really. It wasn't because he didn't want to be involved with her anymore; she was alone. Hermione would give anything just for him to hate her again. Anything was better than the deafening silence.

Each day of silence felt like a million. She tried to break the sound barrier to talk to him, but it was created to where it could only be broken if he wanted it to. The days blurred into each other since she was unable to find sleep.

Each night when she would try to close her eyes, she dreamed of him. When she woke up without him, she would break down all over again. She was going through withdrawals as if Draco was a drug she was forced to give up.

It was about a week later when he finally dropped the glamour.

The day started like any other. Hermione had woken up, splashed her face with water, and sat in the corner of the cell. Her head hurt from crying the night before and her eyes were puffy. She hated the way she looked in the mirror. Her physical appearance mirrored her mental state.

She had been counting the stones in the wall when everything began to shake. It wasn't normal, but like an earthquake was rattling the entire room. She got up in a frenzy and went to check on Draco. To her surprise, the glamour had dropped, and she was facing him.

"What's going on?" She said looking into his eyes for the first time in days. They were a dark grey with purple bags laying under them. He looked sleep deprived and ghastly.

"I can't be sure, but we need to try and take cover," Draco said motioning her over to the corner of his cell. It was awkward, she didn't know how to talk to him anymore. She wanted to spill her heart to him but kept quiet.

She followed him, grasping on the wall to keep from falling over. She clung to his body as they reached the corner of the cell, not wanting him to get hurt. She could feel his arm drape over her shoulders in an achingly familiar way that she tried to ignore.

The stones in the wall began to crumble, creating a loud bang as they crashed down into rubble. Everything shook as if an explosion went off.

"What the fuck," he whispered under his breath.

Before she could react, the wall gave way, exposing them to the outside world. And to her dismay, Hermione saw them.

The Order of the Phoenix.

Well, what was left of it. Ginny, Ron, Kingsley, and George. Each one looked as if they aged years. They were more mature. They looked strong, like warriors.

"What—" she exasperated. She shook to her core like she had seen a ghost. She rubbed her eyes to make sure they were real. Both she and Draco stood up, staring at them in awe.

It all happened so fast.

"Hermione, I know it's been long, but we finally found a way in. We have to hurry and leave before we get caught," Ginny said reaching her hand out to Hermione. She went frigid, unable to take Ginny's grasp.

"What about Draco?" Hermione said in a low voice. She looked back at him and grabbed his hand, motioning him forward. She would be damned if he didn't come with her. They could work out their problems later.

"He's one of them, have you gone mental," Ron objected, staring at her in disbelief. She shook her head and turned back to look at Draco. She couldn't leave him in Azkaban all alone. The dementors would punish him for her escape.

"I'm not leaving without him," she said firmly. The wind blew sending chills down her spine. She could see the grey sky in front of her, it was dark with a haunting look.

"Yes, you are, Hermione we have to go now," Ginny ordered her. Kingsley and George were on the lookout for any dementors. They seemed to have made their way to Azkaban on the backs of three thestrals—their bony skeletal bodies shown through the destroyed wall.

"Please—" Hermione cried out. She turned to look Draco in the eyes and pulled him in for a hug. She choked out a sob, not wanting to let him go. Ginny placed her hand on Hermione's back, causing her to flinch. "Don't touch me."

Ginny motioned Ron over to them. They both grabbed each of her arms, pulling her from his embrace. She dragged across the ground, kicking and screaming until her throat went raw. Draco didn't move as he watched the scene play out like a bad movie.

"I'M NOT LEAVING HIM—DRACO PLEASE" Hermione sobbed out. She reached her hands toward him, begging for him to do something,

"Hermione, go," he whispered, his voice cracking. He was holding in tears.

"NO" She kicked and tried her best to get out of their control. "I can't—" she started hyperventilating. They dragged her away from him, tightening their grip on her. "LET GO OF ME," she said in a blood-curdling scream.

That was when they petrified her.

Tears left her as they took her from the room they once shared—the room they fell in love in. She could see Draco in the distance as they pulled her onto the Thestral. The icy wind blew like the grim reaper coming to collect its debt. Draco got smaller and smaller as she was flown through the air. She could see Azkaban in the distance but was unable to speak or move.

He was gone and she never knew when she was going to see him again. Their last full conversation, being an argument.  
  
  


**A/N**

**I know you guys are probably going to hate me after this update.**

**The next chapter will be either Sunday or Tuesday depending on if I have the time.**


	36. Chapter 36; D

The days following Hermione's escape weighed heavy in his soul. Not long after he was ripped from his arms and carted away, the dementors came for him. Their black cloaks filled the room, taking pieces of him as they went. Draco was left a shell of a person. He spent what felt like eternity caught in visions of the worst moments of his life. When he finally woke up he seemed to be in a new cell. A cell that he didn't share with her.

He could barely move and his whole body ached. His heart hurt the worse though. He hated himself for how he treated her in their last days together. He fucking took her for granted. He thought he would have an infinite amount of time with her. But now Draco didn't know when he would see her again. If he was destined to a life in Azkaban without her, he wouldn't be able to make it.

Of course, he was still hurt from what had happened, but that didn't mean he was fine with her leaving him. He fucking hated himself for ignoring her the past week. He wished he could have let it go and cherished his last moments with her. Even if it was all a lie and she had used him, he would give anything to have her again.

He knew letting her go was the right thing to let her go. As much as he wanted to be selfish and demand he went with her he knew better. The Order wasn't going to let him come with them, and her safety was more important than his escape.

So, he sat there staring at the wall, letting the days pass in agony. He reminisced about the way her lips felt against his and how she felt in his arms. It was a torturous memory that filled him with pain knowing he would never hold her again. 

The Order was his shot at escaping, but he froze up. He didn't want to be the person he used to be. He didn't want to prove Hermione right that he was using her for an escape. So instead, he was unable to move as she was dragged away, and it fucking killed him. The memory haunted him, replaying over and over.

He felt like he was underwater, waves crashing over him making it impossible to breathe. Draco wanted to give up. He wanted to let the waves take him. He didn't know how much longer he could survive alone.

He tried to tell himself that someone else would treat her better—that someone would come along better than him. God, he just wanted her to live. _Please let her live._ He just needed reassurance she would be okay.

The days muddled together, and he lost his sanity with each passing one. His mind was in a dissociative state, fading in and out from memories he shared with her. He didn't eat or move from his spot on the floor. He couldn't tell when he was asleep or when he was awake it all was the same.

He thought he was dreaming when he saw his mother and father stroll into Azkaban. He figured his mind had finally gone rotten.

He could see Narcissa followed by Lucius in their dark black robes unlocking the cell. They floated over to him like ghosts.

"Draco," she spoke softly in an ever so familiar way that reminded him of being a child. It was like a vision. He rubbed his eyes wondering if she would fade away when he opened them again. It was comforting, he assumed the isolation had finally taken a hold of him and made him it's own. He welcomed her, hoping she would save him from the pain he was in.

"Mother," he said. It was the first time he spoke in days and his voice cracked out. She knelt down, observing the state he was in. He was worse than anyone anticipated. He was malnourished and sleep-deprived, barely hanging on after Hermione's departure. All he could feel was emptiness hallowing him out. Happiness seemed as out of reach as she was.

"Draco, we are here to get you," she said trying to lift his chin up. It felt like he was watching it happen around him. Everything was foggy and he wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or not. She was careful, trying to be delicate with him as if he would break. He could tell she was horrified by the state he was in.

Lucius grabbed him by the shoulder, forcing him to stand. His legs wobbled in pain from being attacked. His mother gasped in shock by the way he handled his son. It was obvious he was disgusted by Draco's actions and wanted to see him rot. He was rough and didn't sympathize with Draco's health.

Draco's mind was covered with a thick fog. He couldn't trust his eyes. Why would his parents ever come back for him? Before he could ask, his father began to speak. His deep voice etched with disdain.

"The Order managed to break the mudblood out. The Dark Lord hears murmurs of a resurgence and is willing to forgive you if you aid in the destruction of the Order." Draco's eyes widened as he heard their plan. The plan to kill Hermione. How could he not have realized? With Harry dead, she was the new face of the revolution.

Before he could speak his father interjected. "Draco you have no choice in the matter. You will train and you will fight." His words stung like venom. He fucking hated Lucius.

Draco nodded his head even though he knew damn well he would never hurt Hermione. He pretended to agree with his father. He would do whatever he had to in order to see her again, even if that meant pretending to aid the Dark Lord. He would sell his soul to the devil himself if that would guarantee her safety.

"Yes father," he said like he was a child again.

Lucius gripped the boy's shoulders, grabbing him out of the cell. Narcissa rushed behind him trying to help her son. Draco limped in pain, barely able to walk.

They escorted him out of Azkaban. He sported his striped outfit, looking like a criminal. As he walked out of the prison, he could hear screams echo eerily in the background. He took in every detail with each step. He never wanted to forget the place he fell in love with Hermione.

He would put on an act, but this time it would be to save her. He could pretend to be his old self. He would do whatever it took. He would collapse the Death Eaters from the inside out. A devilish smile crept on his lips. He would show them the pain they made him feel.

When they walked out of the prison, the cold air hit him. He could feel the air in his lungs so effortlessly. He was so used to the stuffy air that lingered inside of Azkaban. It would be liberating if it wasn't for Voldemort imprisoning him, forcing him to comply.

He looked out and saw a dark ocean, deep and powerful. It was like the ocean he spent so long trying to bury his feelings under. It reminded him that his mind would no longer be safe from attack. He had to occlude and bury his feelings as deep as the sea. He had to forget about his moments with Hermione—for her own safety. He had to keep it all a secret.

When Voldemort reached into his mind, he would be ready. He would be callous and malicious. He would feel no empathy. He would shut everything out until it was safe again. Hermione would be a small pebble at the bottom of the ocean until he found his opportunity to save her.

  
  


**A/N**

**The next chapter will be on Tuesday, Feb 2nd.**


	37. Chapter 37; H

Hermione woke up days later in an unknown place. She wished that everything was just a dream. She prayed to whoever was listening that it wasn't real. She hoped she could open her eyes and she would be in his arms again.

She had never felt this way before. She felt utterly alone. As selfish as it sounded she didn't give a damn about the war or the order. She wished she could be with him, in their little cell with no other worries. When she was in Azkaban she got a break from all the death. She wished she could still have that.

Visions of their time together echoed across her mind, making her homesick. Draco had become her home during the duration of her time in Azkaban and it felt foreign to be anywhere else. She was a prisoner homesick for her prison.

She laid there for what seemed like ages unable to open her eyes. She was afraid when she did she would be assured that she was gone.

She could feel the presence of someone hanging over her. She prayed it was Draco coming to take her back. She didn't care if he was mad at her, she would rather him hate her than not be there at all.

"Hermione," she could hear her voice being called out around her. It belonged to a female, making her wince. It hadn't been a dream.

"Mhmm," she groaned trying to stretch out her limbs. She felt like she had been ran over by a car. Her whole body ached in pain from being petrified. Before she could organize her thoughts, she was hit by the memory of the night before.

She jumped up, taking in her surroundings. She noticed she was in a room that wasn't her cell. She was on a bed and Ginny stood over her. Her heart thumped in her chest. She tried to hoist herself up, causing Ginny to put a hand on her shoulder.

"We're having a medi-witch evaluate you in the following days. We worry how the isolation affected your psyche." Ginny started to speak in a calm voice trying to comfort her. She wanted nothing of the sort. She stared up at her in horror.

"I'm fine," Hermione spoke trying to force herself to stand up. She wanted to leave as soon as possible and find her way back to Azkaban to save Draco. She didn't care about her own health, she wanted to make sure he was okay.

"No, you're not. Whatever was going on between you are Draco was just a symptom of your—" Ginny started to speak. Anger rose inside of Hermione. She was furious that Ginny wouldn't let her speak. She wanted to tell the order everything and confess her heart to them. She wished they would just listen to her.

"Ginny don't fucking go there," Hermione shot back. She didn't care if Ginny was her friend or not. She wasn't going to listen to her bullshit.

"We are worried about you. It's got to be some form of Stockholm Syndrome. Hermione, he is a bad person he's—" she pushed a button causing Hermione to lose it.

"DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT HIM," she screamed out enraged. She wanted them to just believe her and stop patronizing her. Nothing was wrong with her. She wasn't insane and was tired of being treated like a victim. If only they knew the moments they shared. Draco wasn't rotten and she wanted them all to know that.

"Calm down. I'm trying to understand, but he must have manipulated you or done something to make you feel this way," Ginny said lowering herself to Hermione. She wrapped her arm around her friend and tried to calm her down. Hermione shoved her away, trying to stand up again but failing.

"We have to go back and save him...I—I can't do this without him," she struggled to get the words out. She fell to the ground, her legs weak. Tears started forming in her eyes and she broke. She fucking hated how weak she felt. She was supposed to be strong.

"We aren't going back for him. We can't. It's just not feasible," Ginny tried to explain to Hermione, but she didn't want to listen. She was going to save him—she had to.

"Ginny please—he's not what you think," she tried to explain, but before she could Ron walked into the room. He looked years older, his orange-red hair covering part of his face. She hasn't seen him in so long he looked like a stranger.

"Have you gone mental?" He yelled towards her. She could tell a part of him was hurt that she hadn't wanted him. She could tell he had expected her to fall into his arms and call him a hero. She couldn't though. She didn't feel that way for him.

"Maybe I have Ron, who cares," she sneered. Azkaban had changed her. She was arguing with her best friend, treating him like the enemy. Maybe she had gone mad.

"Malfoy is a fucking shit person. I'm not going to stand for you justifying the things he has done. He is a Death Eater. They killed Harry. Did you forget that?" He yelled back causing guilt to rise inside of her.

'Then don't. I wish you would have just left me there," she muttered. Draco wasn't like the rest of them. He wasn't as bad as they all claimed him to be.

She felt paralyzed. She didn't want to go on, as dramatic as it sounded. She stared emotionless at them and moved back under the covers, refusing to speak to them or anyone who entered the room. Several others including Neville and Luna tried to comfort her, but she just sat there in silence like a broken doll. It wasn't until later that night when she finally gave in.

She was laying there, staring up at the ceiling counting the cracks when she heard someone walk in. She closed her eyes pretending to be asleep. The door creaked open and she could hear footsteps approach her.

"Hermione, psst, get up," the voice spoke softly. It was a man's voice. It was deep and filled with kindness.

She turned over to face him and gingerly opened her eyes. "Hmm, what," she said pretending that she had just woken up.

"Hey, we should talk," he said causing her to look up. In her disbelief, she saw Theodore Nott standing before her. He was a Slytherin in the same year as her. He had been friends with Draco and Blaise. It was rather peculiar he was there. She rubbed her eyes making sure she had actually seen him.

"Theo, what are you doing here?" She wondered why he wasn't with the other Death Eaters. She figured he had taken the mark.

She could see his brown hair and the outline of him in her room. He sat on the bed next to her and began to speak. "I defected and joined the order. I heard you talking about Draco—."

"Are you here to tell me I'm crazy," she muttered out, not willing to listen. How was he supposed to help her?

"No. I have a plan," he said in a whisper intriguing her. She would do anything to save Draco. If Theo had a plan to save him, she would take a part in it.

"Go on," she said motioning him to speak. 

"I lost someone too. When I defected I had to leave Pansy behind. I think we can work together and try and get them back. If you're in?" He looked solemn when he mentioned Pansy's name. She had no idea they were together, but it seemed to be serious by the way he spoke.

"Yeah, of course," she said nodding her head. Theo was a godsend. She needed him on her side since everyone else thought she was insane.

"We just have to keep it low profile. Wouldn't want weaslebee finding out," Theo said reminding her of Draco. It hurt knowing she couldn't be with him. It was comforting to have someone believe her.

"So, I see you haven't lost your Slytherin," she smirked trying to lighten the mood. She hadn't spoken to him much in their days at Hogwarts, but she could tell he was good at heart.

"Hey, old habits die hard am I right," he said in the jokingly way that Theo was known for.  
  


**A/N**

**Y'all didn't think I would forget about Theo?**

**Also If this story gets a good amount of views by the time I finish it I will commission fanart by avendell. Comment what scene you would like illustrated.**

**The next chapter will be posted Thursday, Feb. 4.**


	38. Chapter 38; D

Coming back to the manor after such a long time weighed heavy on Draco. The last time he saw his home was when he went there with her—when it had come back to life. She left the halls filled with hope for the future. The image juxtaposed with the dark omniscient ambiance that the manor held now. He would give anything to go back to that day.

He fucking hated himself for wasting his time with her. If only he had told her how he felt sooner. He should have cherished every moment with her, but instead, he had to endure her absence. It panged in his heart, making him feel empty. When she was taken away, she took a piece of him with her. 

Visions of their first time together rang across his mind like a wind chime on a summer's day. He ached and wished he could be there again. The manor was just a painful memory of what he lost. The memory of her etched across the walls, reminding him that he was fucking alone. 

The whole way there he managed to occlude his time in Azkaban, turning it into a pebble at the bottom of the sea as he did with Hermione. He focused on pushing all his memory of her to where no light touched it. He buried it far, so Voldemort's eyes could never see her.

When they approached the manor his stomach turned to knots at the sight of it. It was as if it lived under a constant shadow and any light reaching for it would shrink away. The greenery was dead and lacking color. Everything had a grey cast, leaving you feeling like a ghost.

He felt himself grow numb as he passed through the threshold. He could already feel the presence of the Dark Lord as he walked towards the parlor—the parlor that he once danced with her in. It was filled with so much beauty and light but now filled with darkness that clung to the walls. It held a certain kind of dark magic that left it void of any good. He would give anything to relive his time with Hermione but quickly pushed the thought away.

His parents had told him that as soon as they got home that Voldemort would be checking his memory, making sure he knew nothing about Hermione's escape. He was accustomed to the intrusion during the last time he worked with the Death Eaters. He took deep breaths, telling himself everything would be okay.

If Voldemort knew of Draco's feelings for her they would both be fucked, so turned himself into the person he used to be. He shed himself of his empathy and his emotion, becoming the son his father always wanted him to be. Strong and domineering was burned into his mind since the day his father told him that was what he was meant to be.

As he walked into the room, he could see Voldemort standing in the middle of the room. Chills seemed to scatter down his spine at the sight of him. He never got used to seeing the Dark Lord. He has seen him murder on multiple occasions, and knew he lacked any remorse. 

"Draco," his voice was raspy and filled with wickedness that could be felt in the whole room. He felt everything happen around him like he was watching a movie instead of living it.

"Yes Lord," he said, his voice wavering. He cleared his throat, trying to hide his fear. He walked closer, just a few feet away from him. He was close enough to where he could see every detail of Voldemort's appearance. He could feel his chest burn as he had forced the words out. 

"Are you ready to prove your allegiance," the Dark Lord said causing anxiety to rise inside him. He remembered to remain calm and keep occluding. Her safety depended on it.

"Yes," he said in a monotone voice, dissociating himself. He was disconnected from it all. Any wrong move and both of them were dead. 

"Very well, let me see into your mind," Voldemort said, just like Draco suspected. He made sure everything was filed away to a place that no one would ever find. 

Draco crept closer to him, trying to hide the rate his heart was beating. He knew it was going to be painful but he reminded himself that it was necessary. He stared into the distance, feeling himself become a shell. It would be easier that way. 

Voldemort's cold hands pressed against his head violently, like an assault as he invaded Draco's mind. He winced in discomfort, feeling him weave his way through his memories. He wasn't in anyway gentle, making it feel like Draco's mind was being scrambled. His body felt like it was on fire every time he got near anything he had hidden. 

He tried to focus hard on leading him away from all his memories with Hermione and instead of replacing them with new ones. He had already been weak but using all his energy to occlude made it hard for him to even stand. He tried to force himself to continue. He could feel his legs struggling to hold him up. 

By the time Voldemort was done using legilimency on his mind, Draco had collapsed on the floor.

It felt like he spent an eternity there. He could hear murmurs of conversations but tuned them out. As he laid on the cold tile, he tried to remind himself of her. He tried to grasp on anything that would take the pain away. Seeing Hermione's face helped.

He forced himself not to cry. He was supposed to be stronger than that. But all he could think of was the time Hermione laid on this same floor, her screams haunting him. He noted to himself to apologize for not helping her back then. He had just been a scared boy, afraid to help her. As much as everyone thought he was evil, in reality, he was fucking terrified. 

Finally, his father's rough hands pulled him up from the floor, scowling at him for looking weak. He could feel Lucius's fingers digging into his arms, sure to leave a bruise. Draco ignored it, trying to tell himself he didn't care that his father was disgusted with him.

"You'll need to begin training soon to regain your strength after being in Azkaban for so long," Lucius said in a hard tone looking him up and down in disappointment. He knew he despised his only son for running away like a coward and landing himself in prison for it. 

Draco suddenly felt self-conscious. He had once been lean and fit, but now he was so scrawny. His face was sunken in and his eyes had dark circles under them. He felt dead inside.

"I'm fine," he said trying to push it all away. He didn't want to train. He didn't want anyone to pity him especially not his father. He just needed a minute to take everything in. He needed a moment to be away from everything.

"You're going to train," he said strengthening his hand on Draco's shoulder. He knew it was best to just agree with him. 

"Fine," he said pulling away from his father. He started to walk off in anger before Lucius spoke again.

"I have arranged for you to train with some of your former Slytherin classmates."

He didn't want to see any of them. He didn't care too. He trudged his way up the stairs and into his room where didn't have to pretend anymore. 

When he made his way to his room, his hand rested on the doorknob, anxious to walk in. The last time he had been there was in the vision with Hermione. He could almost see her beautiful hair laid around her face in the covers of his bed.

He forced himself to push open the door. The whole room brought back memories that stung like a thousand knives. He was thankful for the pain though. It reminded him that it was real.

He had no idea where she was or if she would even be okay. He just prayed she would stay alive. If she died he couldn't—

He tried to push that thought away.

He spent the night forming his plan, staring at the ceiling in silence. He knew he was going to have training sessions soon. He would practice until he became strong again. Voldemort would soon have a mission for him and he would complete it to gain his trust. In the meantime, he would figure out where the order was and save her.

He didn't care what he had to do or who he had to kill in the process.  
  
  


**A/N**

**Would you guys rather have chapters about the size of this one and me keep updating the same amount (3-4 times a week) or would you rather have longer chapters and me update 2 times a week?**

**The next update will be Saturday, Feb 6.**


	39. Chapter 39; H

_The medi-witch whose name she couldn't remember stood over her bed poking and prodding at her like she was a test subject. Hermione tried to ignore her, but it seemed impossible. Everyone treated her like she was a victim, irritating her to no end._

_The witch performed several diagnostic spells on her, evaluating her for god knows what._

_"She spent so much time in Azkaban she is unable to function now that she isn't there anymore, so it will take her a while to get accustomed here. I did a scan on her brain and she seems to not have suffered any psychological damage, but she is in a state of depression though," the witch rattled off. She had been talking to Ginny, treating Hermione as if she wasn't even there._

_They both whispered to each other and stared at Hermione like she was a broken doll._

_"She is also underweight and weak. I would recommend a better diet and exercise," she continued causing Hermione to roll her eyes._

_"I'm fine. And yeah, I'm fucking depressed. They left Draco there by himself. No one will listen to me—" she said raising her voice before being interrupted again. Ginny looked at Hermione with wide eyes, not used to hearing her curse so much._

_The medi-witch looked at her and spoke in a very patronizing way. "Hermione, is it possible that you only feel that way about him because he was the only person there?"_

_She was so tired of hearing that. She was fucking sick of it. No one knew about their time there and no one would listen to her. She felt more trapped there than when she was in Azkaban._

_"No, it's different than that...he's different," she tried to explain herself for the millionth time. She remembered the visions he showed her, the way he held her in his arms, the way his lips felt against hers. There was no way it could have been just an act._

_"He's a death eater," Ginny looked at her with concern. She was so tired of hearing that excuse._

_"No, he isn't. He told me he—" Hermione said trying to explain Draco's past to them. If only they knew how much he hated who he had become._

_"Hermione it is very possible that he could have been manipulating you," the medi-witch said looking at her like she was insane._ _She didn't care how crazy she looked or acted. The Hermione they all grew up knowing was gone the moment she entered Azkaban._

_"Forget it. It's fucking impossible to talk to any of you," she said pulling the covers over her head and shutting them all out._

_***_

It was early in the morning when Ron walked into Hermione's room, begging her to get up. She didn't want to move so she ignored him. She didn't want to talk to anyone, and she didn't want to talk about the war. She didn't care anymore.

She spent her nights dreaming of Draco, and when she would wake up without him her heart would ache. She felt fucking useless. She was supposed to be strong and help the Order win the war, but she was just so angry.

He stood at the doorway, badgering her to get out of bed.

"Hermione, bloody hell please get up. The Order is wanting to meet with you. You have been in this bed for days," he said, and seemed like he wouldn't stop until she gave in.

"Of course, anything for you Ronald. Just because you asked I'll get up," she sneered in a sarcastic tone. She knew he used to be her best friend, hell so did Ginny. She just felt as if it had been years since she last saw them. Not to mention how they treated her.

She hoisted herself up and followed him to the room where all the Order would be meeting. She had no idea where she was, and no one would tell her in fear she would try and escape. They hadn't given her a wand yet either, so she was fucked.

Kingsley, George, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Theo, and a few more of her old classmates sat at the table staring at her as if she was a ghost. She pulled out a chair and sat down staring at them all back.

She stayed silent for a moment before speaking. "I want to go back for Draco." She knew they would protest but she wanted a chance to plead her case. If they really cared for her they would listen.

"Not happening," Ron said turning to her. She took a deep breath trying not to become aggravated easily. All she wanted was for them to listen to her.

"Why not? He told me himself that he would—" she started to speak. If only they could understand that he was willing to help them. The whole reason he was in Azkaban in the first place was defecting.

"Hermione," Ginny said looking at her with those same concerned eyes that drove her mad.

"Let me finish," Hermione said looking to Theo for support but he stayed silent, causing frustration to build inside of her filling the room with tension.

"Hermione he was released from Azkaban several days ago," Kingsley finally spoke.

Her heart began to race. He couldn't have. She refused to believe anything they told her. For all, she knew they could be saying that so she would give up on him.

"What, I-I don't believe you," her voice started to waver with anxiety. She didn't want to believe it to be true.

"See for yourself," George said slapping a copy of the Profit in front of her. The words " _Malfoy_ _B_ _oy_ _R_ _eleased_ _From Azkaban_ _in_ _A_ _ttempt to_ _C_ _ombat the_ _R_ _esistance_ _A_ _fter_ _Hermione_ _Granger_ _E_ _scapes,"_ burned into her mind. She picked up the paper, her hands shaking making her barely able to hold it. On the front cover, she could see Draco with his family.

The date on the newspaper said _September 12th, 1998._ She would be nineteen in a week. She felt like she had been in Azkaban for years, but it had been almost five months. Autumn was near and the summer she spent with Draco had turned brown like the leaves soon to fall off the trees. 

"There has to be a misunderstanding, he would never—" she said frantically trying to understand this betrayal. There was no way he would do this to her. There was no way he'd go back to his parents.

"Well, he did. The whole wizarding world knows we rescued you and they are on the hunt," Kingsley said to her but she couldn't meet his eyes. She would rather be dead than have Draco betray her.

"I don't believe it. He's got to be acting," she shook her head. She could feel her whole body shaking and her eyes filled with tears threatening to escape. She refused to blink and tried to will them away.

"He manipulated you, Hermione. Have you gone mental? The proof is right there" Ron said with an annoyed look in his eyes. She wanted to smack him right then and there but sat in the chair digging her nails into the palm of her hand as a distraction.

She stared at all of them with disdain. They didn't know her anymore. She didn't want to be a part of the Order. If she had to go off on her own she would. She'd rather that than be with a bunch of people who treated her like an injured child.

"I'd like a wand," she said staring at no one in particular. She couldn't stand to look at them. Everyone could feel the tension and seemed to be awkwardly fidgeting. She sat in her chair, bouncing her leg up and down trying not to blow up.

"Very well I'll get you one as soon as I can," Kingsley responded after a moment. She could tell everyone wished he would have said no to her request.

She stormed out of the room before they could say another word. She didn't care what they had to say. She was fucking furious.

Her thoughts ran a million miles a second and with every step she took towards her took her heart seemed to break a bit more. She couldn't shake the pit in her stomach from seeing the photo in the Profit.

_Draco would never hurt you._

She tried to convince herself of that. She tried to tell herself that there had to be more to it. There had to be.

In their last week together he was so mad at her. He told her it was all a lie, that he had the same plan as her. Doubt crept its way into Hermione, making her wonder if maybe the Profit was right. She would never let anyone else know of their fight.

From the beginning, she hoped his parents would come back for him, that he would beg them to take her with them. But now it had happened so differently. They did come for him, but because she escaped.

Now Draco was aiding in the destruction of the Order. She was a fugitive and they were looking to kill her. He was looking to kill her.

**A/N**   
**I'm so sorry this is late. I've been going through some mental health stuff and have been so busy with school. Any mistakes are my own that I didn't notice.**

**Since most people would rather have 3/4 updates a week the chapters will be shorter.**

**The next chapter will be on Feb 9th.**


	40. Chapter 40; D

Draco was supposed to train. He sat staring at the ceiling wish he never had to get up. The duvet laid over him, keeping him warm from the coldness the manor gave off. He could see the sun shining in through the windows and he turned over trying to ignore the light. He wanted to stay in bed forever and pretend everything wasn't happening.

He wanted to be a child again, wrapped in the green covers hiding from imaginary monsters instead of the real ones. Instead, he was forced to train for a battle he wanted no part in, on a side that wanted Hermione dead.

He fucking missed her. He missed her so much it ached through his whole body. Everything reminded him of her. At moments it felt like their time together was a dream-like it never happened. He would find himself reaching his arm out to grab her while he was sleeping, just to realize that she wasn't there.

It was pathetic and so fucking difficult to put on a mask every time he left the safety of his room. He had to pretend to be someone he wasn't. He had to put on a show, pretending to fight the resistance. He had to pretend that he didn't want to kill everyone who wanted her dead. He's never cast the killing curse, but if he heard her name leave someone's mouth again he would.

His thoughts were interrupted by the popping sound of a house elf. He groaned turning over in his bed desperate for more time to sleep. He didn't feel like putting on the facade just yet.

"Sir, it is time for your training master says," the elf told him. He was sure it was his father sending the elf. As much as he hated his father for forcing him into it, it would come in handy later.

"Fuck," he groaned, pulling the covers to the side and getting up. He stretched his arms out and went to his wardrobe, pulling out a shirt to wear. He put it on, along with some other clothes before leaving his room. He was in casual clothes, not in the mood to dress nicely.

He walked through the long corridor before making his way down the stairs. His hand slid along the railing as he walked down the steps. He occluded as he went, making himself the Death Eater he was supposed to be.

When he was in the parlor, he was shocked, seeing Blaise and Pansy in front of him. They caught him off guard, making it hard to keep his walls up. A smile crept on his face, he hasn't seen them since the battle of Hogwarts and missed them more than he had realized.

"Long time no see," Blaise said pulling him in for a side hug and patting him on the back. He looked just like he had always done, making it hard for Draco to imagine him killing anyone. He wondered if Blaise had taken the mark or not but decided not to ask.

"Looking a little rough around the edges," Pansy laughed, ruffling his hair before pulling him in for a hug. She smelt of expensive perfume like she always did and her long hair was now cut short.

"Azkaban will do that to ya," Draco smirked trying to make light of the situation. Blaise and Pansy both awkwardly laughed and he began to get uncomfortable, putting his hand on the back of his neck.

"Your mom told me to give this to you," Blaise said handing him a wand and diffusing the tension. He twirled it in his hand, feeling it acclimate to him. It was different than his wand, but it would have to do. He was just grateful to have one.

"I guess let's practice then. I'm ready to beat some arse," Draco said thumbing the wand in his hand. He wondered if Hermione had a wand to protect herself with. He immediately filled with concern for her and his mind started to race. He took a deep breath and reigned in his thoughts, reminding himself that he shouldn't be thinking about her when he's not alone.

"Don't speak too soon," Pansy said interrupting his train of thought. Draco led the way out of the parlor and outside into the gardens.

The September wind blew against his cheeks, reminding him it would be winter soon. He tried to take a deep breath and ignore all the weight on his shoulders to protect Hermione while also making sure Voldemort trusted him. All he could think of was the last time he was there.

He remembered the gardens teeming with life, beautiful and filled with light. Now everything was dark, grey, and dead. He wished she was there to brighten it up.

He couldn't do any of that without getting his strength back by practicing. He willed himself to focus on just getting through the next hour.

He pointed his wand out, shooting a hex towards Blaise. He could feel the magic coursing through his veins. It felt amazing to finally have a wand after months without it.

Blaise dodged it before sending one towards Draco, stinging him in the ankle. The pain spread like he had just been electrocuted. He clenched his jaw trying to ignore it.

"Damnit Blaise, I'm a little rusty," he laughed gripping his ankle. Pansy laughed and it was almost like they were in Hogwarts again, before everything went to shit.

She turned, sending one towards Draco causing him to lose his balance from trying to miss it. He sent a hex aimed at her as he fell to the ground, hitting her on the arm.

"Not too bad," she winced grilling her arm. She walked over to him offering a hand to help him up. She could be nice when she wanted to be, making it harder for him to grasp that she was making the wrong choice fighting for Voldemort.

They continued for about an hour before Blasie and Pansy appeared away leaving him in the gardens by himself.

He was alone again.

He dusted himself off, deciding to go back inside. Thoughts from their time running through the gardens during the summer scattered through his mind as he walked through the garden and back into the manor.

His heart ached, wondering where Hermione was and hoping she was safe there. He knew she was at the top of the most wanted list, and couldn't have anyone hurt her. His concern for her was something he couldn't shake, even though he tried to. His worry for her hollowed him.

He could hear hushed voices as he entered the parlor. As he rounded the corner towards the noise he could see a group of Death Eaters including Dolohov and Yaxley sitting at the table. He neared them, hiding behind a pillar to avoid being seen.

He could hear murmurs of their conversation, seeming to be about something important. He could hear his parents speaking as well. He could only make out a few sentences.

_We have to protect the sword._

_Only a Gryffindor can access it. We need to make sure no one in the resistance gets a hold of it._

He filed the information away for later use. He wasn't sure what it meant, he just knew it was something significant that could help the Order. There was something they were trying to protect, something hidden that they didn't want anyone to find.

He walked over towards the table casually, hoping no one noticed he eavesdropped on their conversation. He stood in front of him, trying to look inconspicuous.

"Draco, we need you to aid in an attack of resistance members near Hogsmeade," Yaxley said motioning for him to sit down. "We can't have anyone disobeying the Dark Lord."

"Yes sir," he said pulling out the chair and sitting down. He looked around the table, seeing everyone stare at him.

"You need to kill them," Dolohov ordered causing his mother to grimace. He looked emotionless, nodding his head. As much as he didn't want anyone to die, he knew he would have to do it.

"Why does it need to be him?" Her voice was filled with concern, but it was obvious she was trying to hide it. The memory of him being crucioed was brought to the forefront of his mind. He could almost feel the pain crawl down his spine. Echos of Voldemort's threat against his mother solidified that he had no other choice.

"The Dark Lord wants you to prove your allegiance, you should understand that," Dolohov said looking at her with threatening eyes.

Draco couldn't handle the thought of his mother being hurt for his disobedience. "I can do it," he said speaking up. He would do anything for the people he loved, even if meant he had to kill. He knew it was wrong, he was selfish in that sense. Even if Hermione hated him forever, killing would be worth it if it meant she was safe.

He did want Voldemort dead, but he wanted Hermione to live more. He wouldn't let anything get in the way of that. If he needed to prove his loyalty, he would.

"Let's hope you down coward out like last time," his father said with a sneer. He wanted to jump across the table and wipe the smug look off of this face.

"I will manage, now if you guys don't mind I'll be showering," he said leaving the table and walking back up the stairs to his room. His heart was beating out of his chest, and he tried to hide his anxiety as he walked back up the stairs.

He knew the moment they mentioned something about the sword of Gryffindor that he had to get the message to Hermione immediately. It had to be something that could help them.

When he finally got to the door, he fumbled, quickly finding paper to write on. He scribbled down on the paper: _The Sword._

He waived an owl towards the window, hoping it would make its way to her. He didn't write either of their names on it, hoping no one would intercept it. He prayed it would make its way to her.

He wished her could say more to her, that he could pour his heart out on the pages of the parchment, but if anyone found out it was him trying to contact her, they would both be dead.

He hoped she would forgive him for what he had to do.  
  


**A/N**

**Since a lot of fanfictions are being taken down I just want to let you guys know that this story is also posted on AO3 under the same username and title.**

**Also, I am so sorry that I have been missing updates recently. I am trying my best. The next chapter will be on Feb. 11th.**


	41. Chapter 41; H

Hermione was awoken by tapping against her window. It was persistent, almost like an alarm clock. She tried ignoring it until it began to be unbearable. She groaned, pulling herself out of the comfort of her bed. She could feel the cold ground against her feet as she walked over to the culprit of the noise.

An owl.

She was confused and wondered how the owl managed to find her, or who was trying to contact her. She gently opened the window, making sure no one could hear her, and took the little piece of parchment from its beak. She pet the owl on its head and it flew into the distance.

She hadn't a clue how it got to her or how it managed to find its way to the order. She figured they hadn't set up wards against animals.

She sat on her bed, twirling the paper around in the palms of her hands. It was like a secret she wanted no one to know. She fumbled with it for a moment before opening it to find a note scrawled onto the parchment. It was elegant but masculine writing that seemed to be in a hurry. The note said: _The sword._

She had no doubt in her mind. She knew it was from Draco. It had to be. He was spying and sending her valuable information. Her heart sped up in joy knowing that he was still on her side. She missed him so much and held the paper close to her chest before tucking it under the mattress.

She knew he meant the sword of Gryffindor, but what he meant exactly she wasn't completely sure of. She just knew it was important. She knew he wouldn't have sent it if it wasn't significant. She wished she could send him an owl back, but it was far too risky. She was surprised that it made its way to her unscathed. She figured it would be the first and last of their communication.

She got up and walked into the 'war room,' wanting to tell Kinglsey of her finding. She stood at the doorway to see everyone speaking. They all seemed to turn their heads up and look at her in silence. It was painfully awkward, but she tried to push past it. She had to remind herself who she was. She was too headstrong to let them treat her like a child.

"Where is the sword of Gryffindor?" She said breaking the silence and causing everyone to look confused. She wasn't in the mood to beat around the bush, so she just went right to the point.

"Hermione, what are you at?" Kingsley said looking at her. His face scrunched up and he looked surprised by her question as if it was a dumb one. She tried to brush off everyone's glances.

"Do you know where it is?" She said ignoring his question. It didn't matter why she wanted to know where it was. Everyone used to always listen to her. They used to think she was intelligent and useful—they didn't seem to think that anymore.

Everyone was quiet. It had been a while since she had last seen it. The night Bellatrix tortured her for having it seared in the back of her mind, just like her scar, reminding her of the pain.

"It was in the sorting hat," Neville said causing everyone to turn to him. "I had it hidden in the sorting hat when we found out Harry was dead, before all the chaos...before they took Hermione." She shivered at the thought. The battle seemed like it was years ago.

"What happened to it after that?" She inquired causing Neville to squirm. He looked guilty and shifted in his seat before responding to her.

"I don't know. I must have dropped it somewhere. So much was happening I—" he said in a nervous tone. She could tell he felt bad for losing it. Luna sat next to him rubbing his arm.

"It's not your fault Neville," Hermione said trying to let him know it was okay. She didn't blame him for losing it. That day was traumatic for them all.

"Hermione what are you planning?" Kingsley said again, staring at her waiting for an answer. He was like a father asking his daughter a question. She hated it. She missed the days when everyone believed her.

"I can't be positive yet. I just know that we need it." She said in a matter-of-fact tone. She didn't want to get into the details. If she did they definitely wouldn't listen.

"How could you possibly know that?" Ron looked at her like she was crazy. He looked at her like she was a stranger, treating her like the years of their friendship were nonexistent.

"They have to have it if it was left at Hogwarts. The sword only shows itself to Gryffindor who truly needs it—like Neville. They don't want us to use it to kill Nagini or—or something else. I'm trying to figure the rest out. But that is our only chance at killing _him._ " She tried to explain herself to them, knowing there was probably no point in doing so. They would never just listen to her.

"We have come to the conclusion that he has created another Horcrux that we aren't sure of yet," Kingsley told her.

"Either way we will need the sword to destroy it. That or a basilisk fang, but that would require going back to the Chamber of Secrets again. The last time it flooded so we can't be sure it is even there anymore. The one Ron and I had—I ended up losing it in the battle." They would need the sword to kill Nagini and the other Horcrux if there was one. That was their only chance at killing Voldemort.

"I agree, we need to figure out where the sword is, but what brought this up?" George chimed in.

Silence filled the room.

"I received an owl."

"Bollocks," Ron laughed. It was a cruel laugh.

"I'm telling the truth, it had to be from—" she started to speak.

"Hermione, are you bloody mental? Even if it was from Malfoy, this could be a setup." Ginny said in a patronizing way. She was losing all her credibility.

What happened to the days where they needed her—where they treated her like an equal.

"The lot of you are fucking ridiculous. Please sit and think for a moment about where you would be without my help over the years. Just because I went to Azkaban, doesn't make me stupid, or fragile or whatever all of you have thought of me since I arrived here," she said pushing her chair back and getting up from the table.

"I believe you," Luna's soft voice tang through the room. She should have thanked her, but she was simmering with anger.

"Well at least someone does," she sneered, getting ready to leave.

"Hermione, you have to see it from our perspective," Ginny said trying to calm her down.

It was so fucking frustrating. As if she wasn't a part of the same war they were. She had lost people too. She wouldn't give out false information.

She clenched her fists before bursting out of the room. She didn't want to be a part of the conversation anymore. It was so much easier in Azkaban. Her eyes burned from trying to hold in tears of frustration.

She slammed her door shut causing the walls to rattle. Her mane of curls surrounded her face and she pulled it back with a hair tie.

She sat there for a moment, trying to imagine she was somewhere else—that she was with him. Her chest ached in pain from his loss.

She was interrupted by a knock at the door, followed by Theo walking in and sitting next to her. He was silent for a moment and she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry they are being arseholes. Can I see the note?" Theo said reaching his hand out towards her. A small smile crept onto her face and she nodded. It felt nice for someone to listen to her for once.

"Yeah, here," she said pulling it out from under the mattress. She handed the note to him and he stared at it for a moment before speaking.

"I've known Draco for years, and I know that without a doubt this is his handwriting," Theo said placing it back in her hand. Her heart warmed knowing she wasn't crazy after all.

"Thank you," she smiled wearily. She felt comforted when she was with Theo. He reminded her so much of him. It was the closest she could get to the real thing.

"I would want someone to believe me if I told them how I feel about Pansy," he replied, not quite meeting her eyes. She hadn't realized that he was probably just as broken as she was.

"You never told me why she didn't come with you." Hermione looked at him with sympathy. His brown hair flopped over his eyebrows and his hazel eyes held pain behind them.

"I defected after the battle at Hogwarts. I never wanted to be a part of all the pureblood supremacy. The order took me in, but Pansy didn't want to leave her family. She's a good person, she really is, it's just hard together to understand sometimes," his voice turned to a whisper. She knew he was hurting just as much as she was.

"I know you miss her. I miss Draco too. You seem to be the only person who gets it," she said looking up to him.

He nodded, and she laid her head back on his shoulder. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, both thinking of who they had lost.

"Theo?" She said turning to him. She was like a child, innocent and pure, seeking safety.

"Yes?"

"Can you stay awhile?"  
  
  


A/N

The next chapter will be on Saturday or Sunday ( Feb. 13/14th.)

Thank you guys for being so supportive. It really means a lot to me.


	42. Chapter 42; D

Draco stood, staring at himself in the mirror. He looked like his old self again. He straightened his suit, flattening it down. His hair was combed to the side, not a strand out of place.

Since he had arrived back at the manor he had regained his strength from his training and looked less weak and instead leaner. His jawline was sharp and he looked completely composed and aristocratic like his father had always wanted him to be. He once again looked like the Malfoy heir, the Slytherin Prince, almost like a marble statue.

It came at a price, just like everything did. He would give anything to be back in the cell. He felt more freedom in there than out in the world again. There was a constant dull ache inside his chest, like withdrawals from her. She was a fucking drug and he no longer had his fix.

He stared at himself in the mirror until he looked like a stranger—until he couldn't recognize himself.

He was domineering, strong and capable of following through with the task at hand. He wouldn't allow cowardice to attach to him, holding him back from gaining Voldemort's trust.

He thought back to the years where all he wanted was his father's approval. He would have given anything for it. Not he couldn't give a damn. He was doing this for her. He would do anything for her.

"Malfoy," Yaxley called from outside the room, removing Draco from his thoughts.

"Come in," he said turning towards the mahogany door. He could see the handle twist and the door open revealing Yaxley.

"It is very important that you complete this mission, do you understand? We can't have anyone gain access to the sword," he said walking over to Draco.

He paused for a moment, wondering if he would tell him why it was so valuable.

"May I ask why?" This caught Yaxley off guard.

"It's complicated and way above your head. Just know, it holds a part of our Lord. It is essential." He stood there for a moment, looking nervous. Draco could tell he was hoping that he could fulfill what he agreed to.

"Understood." He detached as he spoke. He would have to if he wanted to get through the next hour.

"We have to get rid of any Gryffindors that have rebelled. They are the only ones who can access it." He spoke again. Draco knew they were going town to town plucking the Gryffindors one by one. It made him sick.

"Done."

"Very well then. I will be down by the fireplace waiting for you," Yaxley said leaving the room. As soon as the door closed he turned back to the mirror.

He looked at himself one last time, taking in every detail of his face. He was never innocent before, but he would soon have the face of a killer. He was disgusted.

He shook his head and lifted up his Death Eater mask, running his fingers along the details, before purring it on and walking downstairs. Every step tapped against the floor, like a ticking time bomb waiting for his demise.

He stood in front of the fireplace next to Dolohov and Yaxley, each of them grabbing floo powder in their hands. He rubbed it between his fingers, dreading every moment.

"Hogsmeade." They all said and with a crack of light, they were all transported there.

He could feel himself in the air for a moment like nothing else existed. He opened his eyes, leaving the bliss, and was there.

The cold autumn wind bit at his skin, sending chills down his spine. He knew what he had to do but nothing could prepare him for what was to come. He tapped his foot against the ground, trying to distract himself.

Yaxley and Dolohov gave him a nod before apparating through the sky in clouds of black smoke. Draco stared at them like he was watching it play out around him.

Dolohov began pulling people out of cottages and buildings, lining them up against the hard ground, pushing them to their knees. Draco could hear the screams of children and adults as they were taken from their homes and businesses. He tried to dull out the noise by occluding and trying to remove himself from what was playing out in front of him.

He stood in silence as they began asking each person what house they were in. Yaxley started out with a small child, who was probably no older than eleven.

"State what house you're in," his harsh voice sounded in front of the little boy's face. 

"What is this for?" The boy asked, his voice filled with fear. Draco's heart panged, knowing the boy was just an innocent child. A child who may never get the chance to live.

"Shut it and do as you're told," Dolohov snapped causing the boy to flinch. His mom was next to him, holding his chubby little fingers in her own.

"H-Hufflepuff," he struggled to get out.

_Thank god._

"Move aside," Yaxley said pushing his over into the dirt.

They continued to do so until members of each house were separated. It felt like an eternity had passed. Mothers and fathers, daughters and sons, were all chosen to live or die. It was like some sick fate. The type of thing that made you believe there was no good in the world.

Draco could tell they had no idea what was to come. Strangers held each other's hands, preparing themselves for what was their last moments. He stepped forward, taking a deep breath and reminding himself that he had to do this.

The wind seemed to blow harder as if telling him to stop what he was doing. He could hear the whimpers and cries in front of him but tried his best to drown them out.

"Do it, boy."

He clenched his jaw before pointing his want to them and whispering the curse under his breath. He had to look away as the green light flashed through the air and everything went silent for a moment.

It was a deathly silence before the screams of the other wizards echoed around him. A sound would forever be etched in his mind.

He turned, refusing to look at what he had done, and apparated away with a cloud of black smoke.

They were dead. Six people. Six lives. Six innocent witches and wizards would never go home again.

That is when he knew he was truly wicked and vile. He knew he would never find his way back to Hermione. He knew she would never be able to look into his eyes again knowing of what he had done.

A selfish part of him would kill for her. He would kill a million people if it meant she was safe. That was what was wrong with him. That is why he didn't deserve her. It was his fatal flaw. Love was a sick and twisted drug he would kill for.

If he had spared their lives his mother would be dead. He wouldn't have Voldemort's trust. Without his trust, he would never be able to get the information and status needed to help the Order.

He tried to justify it but couldn't.

Another part of Draco died when he uttered those words. It killed him inside. It was like he was stabbed in the chest by a knife and had it twisted around, so agonizing and cruel. He hated who he was and who he had become. It was no longer as simple as just being an asshole or a shitty person. He was a killer.

He closed his eyes as he arrived back at the manor, gripping the wall. All the air seemed to leave the room. The pain was too much to bear.

So, he occluded like he had all those years. He turned it all off. He made himself the cold and empty person he had once been. It was easier to just feel nothing.

He didn't want to feel pain, or love, or remorse.

He was the man Hermione used to hate with her entire being and soon would again.  
  
  


**A/N**

**I had this whole chapter written and then it got deleted off of my computer. I am so sorry. The next chapter should be posted within the next couple of days.**

**Sorry for any mistakes in this chapter.**


	43. Chapter 43; H

Hermione shook her knee under the table. Her anxiety had been at an all-time high since escaping and she felt as if she couldn't function in the real world anymore. She spent most of her days alone, staring out the window wondering where Draco was, or spending time with Theo. She refused to talk to anyone else unless she had to. She no longer saw any of them as her friends. They had proved that since the day she walked in.

Time passed usually without her noticing. She spent most of her time in thought; reality seemed to fade around her. She found herself imagining the visions in the library and in the manor with Draco. She missed him more than ever, even after knowing that he escaped with his family.

There had to be an explanation. She was sure of it. 

She figured that was his only way out—that he was pretending to be on their side so he could find his way back to her. Her mind was constantly filled with daydreams of them being reunited. 

She had no idea how much time had passed since she sat at the table with them, talking about their next move. She tried to regain focus and listen to what was being said. 

"We have to find a way to kill Nagini and destroy the other Horcrux is," Kingsley said causing her to raise her head up. 

She knew exactly what they needed to do. "We need the sword—Draco said we—" she said trying to explain that they needed it to destroy the Horcruxes, before being interrupted.

"Hermione stop—" Ginny started to speak.

"Why should I?" Hermione clenched her fists in anger, refusing to be treated like that. They once thought she was smart and brave, but now they acted as if she was useless. 

Her mind flashed back to the last summer she spent with Harry and how they would have never found or destroyed any of the Horcruxes without her. She wished he was here. He surely would have believed her. 

"He's killed people—" Ron blurted out and she stared in shock. She felt a pit grow in her stomach. He couldn't be telling the truth. 

Everything seemed to play out in front of her. She could feel a lump in her throat and her whole body seemed to shake. She started dissociating from everything. It was like she couldn't move. She could feel the emptiness consume her as everyone started yelling around her. 

"RON," Ginny screamed, "She didn't have to know that." Ginny turned to her brother and shot him a glare, before turning to Hermione who was frozen in time. 

"This has to be a sick joke," she said at barely a whisper. It felt like she was in a nightmare. She took a deep breath in, trying to calm herself down. It couldn't be true. She knew Draco would never...

"Read it for yourself, maybe this will convince you to let him go," Ron said throwing the Prophet towards her. It all seemed to happen in slow motion and she could hear his muffled voice, almost taunting her. 

"No, no, this can't be—" Her heart raced. The whole world seemed to crash around her. Her hands trembled as she picked up the paper. Her fingertips grazed the photo of him and she turned away, unable to look at it for any longer. 

_Malfoy boy executes members of the insurgence in Hogsmeade. Six Gryffindor's dead._

"Well, it is," Ron yelled back.

His picture. A green light. Six dead. 

Everything felt like a blur. 

"Don't talk about Draco like that" Theo chimed in, standing up from the table, his chair screeching across the floor. She snapped out of her trance, looking at all of them like they were strangers. 

"It's like you're happy he did this because it proves me wrong," she said standing up to leave. Tears welled up in her eyes and she tried her best to keep them in. She felt herself wobble as she made her way out of the room, her legs could barely hold her up. 

"Hermione wait—" Ginny tried to walk over to her, but Hermione turned away refusing to meet her gaze. 

She stormed to her room, trying to force herself to breathe with every step. The words burned into her mind and every time she closed them, she could see the headline all over again.

As she made her way into her room, her tears fell and she whimpered in pain. She didn't know what to believe anymore. She grasped the door frame trying to hold herself up, but failed, crumpling onto the floor. 

Draco had uttered an unforgivable ending their lives. They were innocent. Her heart felt like it broke in a million pieces trying to understand. She shook violently, putting her head in her hands trying to understand why he would do that. 

She had thought that she meant something to him. She thought what they had was special, but it became evident that it was all an act. He only pretended to have feelings for her because he thought the order would save him. Now that his parents released him, the act was over. He no longer had to string her along with false promises. The person he was when he was with her was a facade. 

She wished she could go back to Azkaban—back when she thought it was all real. Even if he had never had feelings for her, it would be worth it to be with him again. Even if it were all a lie, she would give anything to feel his lips against hers while looking out on the balcony. 

She ached in his absence. She didn't know who she wished was there to hold her, she just wished there was someone. Her time with the order had left her a hollow shell of a person.

She tried to distract herself, but couldn't. She moved onto her bed, sitting at the edge, trying to think. 

He had killed six Gryffindor's, but why? It had to have something to do with the sword of Gryffindor. But it had to be more than what she thought—what the order thought. Yes, it destroyed Horcruxes, but they had known that for a while. That's why it was hidden before. But now, they were killing Gryffindors. Something had changed. 

It was one.

"That's it. The sword..." she spoke out loud to herself. 

Her mind twisted in confusion, wondering if that could even be possible.

The sword took in whatever made it stronger. It took in a fragment of his soul. She figured the only way to destroy it would with its equal. It had already killed the basilisk, so its venom would work to destroy it surely. Her mind went wild with the possibilities. 

"Hermione, what are you getting at?" Theo said causing her to jump up. She sat up in bed, her eyes wide causing Theo to look confused. She hadn't realized he was standing behind her. 

"Theo you can't tell anyone what I'm about to say," she whispered, letting him know that he couldn't repeat what she was about to tell him. They could never know what she was doing. They would never believe her. 

"I promise I won't say anything," he said holding his pinky out, "you can trust me." 

She linked her pinky with his, glad she could count on his help. She would need him when she went off on her own mission to destroy it. 

"The sword is a Horcrux. That's why he—" she couldn't finish her sentence. Theo nodded in understanding, letting her know she didn't have to explain. 

"Hermione you don't have to—I understand. I will help you," he looked into her eyes with his brown ones, confirming that she wouldn't be alone in all of this. 

They were going to find the sword, kill the snake, and then destroy it. She wouldn't let anything get in her way. 

**A/N**

**Thank you guys for being so patient with me. The next chapter should be Thursday, Feb 25th.**


	44. Chapter 44; D

Draco went cold. All his humanity seemed to leave his body as if he lived for nothing and cared for no one. He was like the manor, once filled with light but doomed to be in the shadows, dark magic seeping through its walls.

It was known that dark magic could find its way in a person and bury itself there. It would weave its way through one's veins and completely take them over.

That was how Draco felt; immobilized by the darkness trying to wrap its way inside him. With every unforgivable that uttered out of his lips, he was farther gone. Six Gryffindors. Six dead. Six unforgivables. The devil had a sick sense of humor.

It had been a week since the executions at Hogsmeade. He knew he would soon be ordered for another mission. The past week he had spent his time dissociating from who he was. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he had a hard time recognizing it was him. He simply felt like a vessel that carried his damned soul.

The final battle was soon to come. He could feel it in the air and in how the wind would blow. Whenever he walked the halls of the manor, he could feel it in the atmosphere. It was a deathly feeling, one that almost swallowed you whole.

A week ago, he tried to rid himself of her. Her touch, the way her voice sounded, the way her freckles danced across her cheeks, the way she would smile at him, were all buried to where the light could no longer reach them.

He knew he was too far gone for her. A part of him always knew that. Anytime a flash of a memory of her grazed his mind he would occlude until he was completely emotionless and apathetic.

In all the meetings with the other Death Eaters, he would nod his head and agree to all their plans. He didn't dare send her another owl. He sat there in compliance, knowing that they were planning her death.

She was at the bottom of the sea that was his mind, drowning, gasping for air. His time with her was like a dream that he could hardly remember anymore.

No one knew of his feelings for her, not Blaise or Pansy. He didn't dare utter her name.

He noticed the small things though. The way Pansy would cringe anytime the war was mentioned, how she would get quiet anytime someone would speak of the order. Draco could sense a cloud of guilt hanging over her. He never pushed for information or asked her what was wrong. He had his own problems.

She always seemed to be interested in his though. She would constantly poke and prod, grasping at straws for some form of information. It was exhausting and usually ended with him scowling at her.

She should know better than to think that he would share his feelings with her. Pansy and Blaise would always ask about his time in Azkaban and he would refuse to answer or change the subject.

He kept his days strictly practicing combat and meeting with the other Death Eaters. It was like he was permanently stuck on autopilot, never allowing himself to feel anything other than the numbness he inflicted on himself from occluding constantly.

When he woke up that September morning, there was omniscience that filled the air. He ignored it and dressed himself. He supported an all-black suit and combed his hair to the side ever so precisely.

He didn't look in the mirror as he did so.

When he was finished getting ready for the day, he walked over to his door, opening it and feeling the heavy air enter his room. He took a breath in, before making his way down the hallways.

It felt like all the paintings were staring at him with a certain disapproval. He never met their gaze and continued his way until he made it to the stairs. He ran his fingers along the railing, preparing himself for what was to come.

He was supposed to meet with Voldemort today; all the death eaters would be at the manor. Within the past week, there were constant sieges and executions of the resistance. He didn't bother to keep up with them. However, he could sense that they were at a turning point in the war. He was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

His dress shoes clicked across the stairs as he made his way down, reminding him of the inevitable. There was a blank, soulless expression on his face as he was met by his Father and Yaxley standing at the bottom of the stairs conversing.

He couldn't seem to hear what they were saying, but his father quickly quit talking at turned to him.

"If you don't mind, I would like to speak to my son privately," his father said shooting at stare at Draco. His heart pounded, not knowing what he was going to say to him.

"Of course, I will meet you in the parlor," Yaxley said giving him a nod before leaving them alone.

"Draco. The Dark Lord has a special mission for you. Do not embarrass me today," Lucius's words stung like venom and coursed through his veins.

"Yes father," Draco said. He wanted nothing more than for his father to be dead.

Lucius motioned him over saying, "very well, let's not be late," and started walking towards the parlor to meet with everyone. He gripped his cane in his hand, and his cloak dragged across the floor as he walked.

It was like a game that he was rigged to always lose, except for a moment he would have hope things would be different. It never was.

"Draco, sit. The Dark Lord has some news for you," Bellatrix said with her wild eyes pointed towards him. Her curls were matted and flung in all directions. He could feel the insanity radiating off of her. He wondered if one day he would go mad like her.

His hand rested against the back of the chair, slowly pulling it out. All eyes were on him as he sat down.

"You've earned my trust. I have a very important task for you. You won't disappoint me, surely?" Voldemort's voice was airy and coarse, sending prickles down Draco's spine. There was a certain threatening sound to the way he spoke, causing his eyes to meet his mothers. He made sure to occlude himself, that way no one would sense his nerves.

"Yes Lord," he managed to get out without a sign of hesitation. Everyone seemed to look pleased with him. He was finally the man his father had always wanted him to be, even if he was imprisoned within himself in the process.

"There are murmurs that the resurgence is planning for battle. We will be ready and waiting on the grounds of Hogwarts for them in the following days," Yaxley explained. Everyone seemed to smile, ready for the opportunity to kill.

His mother had that same frown on her face that he had been accustomed to for a long time. It was obvious she wanted to part in it.

"May I ask what my mission is?" Draco said making sure there was no waver in his voice. He looked around, waiting for a response. Everyone seemed to know something that he didn't.

Voldemort rose from his seat, compelling everyone to stare. The air felt heavy and filled with a darkness that could never be matched. His eyes met Draco's causing anxiety to rise within him. He looked around in curiosity, wondering why no one would just tell him what he had to do.

That was when Voldemort finally spoke.

"You are to kill Hermione Granger."

Everything went silent.  
  
  


**A/N**

**If I wrote imprisonment but in the POV's of Theo and Pansy would you guys read it? It would be their story and how they separated. It would also include what was happening while Draco and Hermione were in Azkaban.**

**The next chapter should be done by Tuesday, March 2nd. Thank you guys for your patience. I am so grateful for you guys.**


	45. Chapter 45; H

It was near the end of September when the end of the war hung in the air. It could be felt by everyone that the end was coming. Whether that was good or bad depended on who you asked. For Hermione, it made her a wreck.

She could jump with any sound, from the anticipation and sheer dread of the final battle. She was scared to meet Voldemort face to face, for the first time since Harry had died. The image was burned in her memory, just like the feeling of being paralyzed and drug away from life as she knew it.

Draco’s face came to mind. The thought of seeing him again left a pit in her stomach and a knot in her throat. As much as she wanted to hate him, as much as she should have hated him for what he had done, she couldn’t. She couldn’t forget how it felt when he touched her or how the taste of his lips still lingered on her own. Every time she closed her eyes she tried to forget. She tried to rid herself of the disease that was Draco Malfoy. He lingered in her veins, circulating without faltering.

She needed to see him again. She couldn’t handle the lack of closure his departure gave her. Even if he never loved her, she needed to hear it from him. Even if they were standing opposite on the battlefield, she would use her last breath to demand the truth.

Love did that to a person. It gripped itself around you, choking and immobilizing you until you had to give in and let go.

It was inevitable that they were going back to Hogwarts—that she would see him again. She imagined him in a dark cloak appearing with a cloud of black smoke, telling her that her time was up—telling her it was a sick game that she lost. The devil always had a way of offering you your wildest dreams before managing to collect his debt later.

She knew her time would come. She knew her luck would soon run out. Nothing good lasted forever. It was like a comet, flashing by the earth, waiting a millennium before returning again. Draco was her comet. He was an enigma she could never explain to another soul.

The final battle would soon reveal itself. The whole order knew that. Days had passed filled with plans and promises, none of which she knew would work out. She simply sat quietly, wondering who fate would take from her next. This was the real world. There were no happy endings or tales of the hero’s defeating evil. Reality set in, its dismal and darkening presence reminding her that she wasn’t guaranteed survival—no one was.

That morning when she had woken up, she knew it felt off. When she pushed the duvet off of her and rested her bare feet against the cold floor, she could feel it in her bones. It was an instinctual feeling that rose inside of her, warning her the end was near.

Her prediction had been correct. She could hear fast footsteps pounding against the floor nearing her room. “Hermione, get up,” Theo said bursting into the room, panting. She stood up, still in a daze from just waking up. She wished he could have waited, allowing her more time to stay in bed.

“Theo what is it—” Hermione said looking confused. She quickly looked around and rubbed her eyes, trying to will herself awake. She hadn’t been getting much sleep lately, awake all hours of the night theorizing.

Theo walked over to her, grazing his arm on her shoulder. She could tell there was an urgency in his eyes. She could feel it in her gut something was to come. Her heart started to burn in her chest, afraid of what he was going to say next.

“They know where we are. It’s happening,” he said, making her notice how he had a satchel on his arm, seemingly ready to be on the run. She nodded her head in shock. She always knew the day was coming, but in the moment, she felt unprepared and uncertain.

She didn’t have the time to discuss how he knew that they knew where they were, she just trusted him. They had to rely on trusting each other, no one else in the order seemed to trust them.

“We have to go to Hogwarts. We have to get the fang and the sword…” she began to say frantically. Her mind seemed to race, tangling itself up in their plans and a million ‘what ifs.’

“The rest of the Order knows nothing about the sword, just that we need the fang to kill Nagini. The plan is to lure the Death Eaters back to the castle after we get to Hogwarts,” Theo spoke.

He was right. They couldn’t let the rest of the order parish. They would have to use the Taboo when they arrived. That way they would be confused on whether to go to their safe house or Hogwarts. They had to act fast.

She quickly got out of bed, gripping her wand off of the nightstand. She didn’t have time to even think straight. “Do you know if there are any wards preventing us from apparating to Hogwarts?”

“I don’t think there is. It has been pretty much abandoned since...” he didn’t finish his sentence, but she understood.

She turned to Theo. She knew this would be their only chance. Part of her didn’t even feel bad knowing that they would be leaving without the rest of the Order.

“They can just meet us there. We have to try and find the sword without anyone knowing,” he said pulling his wand out from his trouser pocket. Hermione knew he was right. She couldn’t trust them anymore. She knew they would have to go on a solo mission.

Theo turned to her, “those fuckers don’t have anything on us” he said trying to break the tension. He awkwardly laughed trying to make her feel better.

“Theo this is serious,” she groaned rolling her eyes. She tried to muster a weak smile.

“I can’t help but try and lighten up the mood sunshine,” he said winking in an ever-so-Theo way that she couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at.

She knew that she was just as nervous as she was, that he had a pit in his stomach ready to see Pansy again.

For a moment she felt guilty leaving the rest of the order to fend for themselves against the Death Eaters who were coming to their safehouse. She was confident that they would be safe though. She just hoped they would fall for her trap.

And with that, she linked her hand in his and they both apparated with a flash.

She could feel the air swirl around her, her fingers still clasped in his. She could feel everything changing around them before landing on the ground.

They both peeled their eyes open, anxious for what they were to see. For all they knew there would be Death Eaters ready to kill them then and there. She took a deep breath before taking in the scene.

She stared at her once school, her home, in shambles. Her eyes went wide in shock. It had been worse off than when she last saw it months ago. Harry’s dead body still lingered in the air, reminding her of why she was there.

She knew she would fight—maybe even to the death. But anything worth having was worth dying for.

A part of her strung, not knowing if she would ever lay her eyes on Draco again if their time spent together would just be some distant memory. Sometimes she wondered if she made it all up.

If she died. She will have died knowing she had known what it meant to love and be loved, whether it be a lie, it felt unequivocally real to her. And that meant something.

She took a deep breath, the cold autumn wind sharp against her cheeks, as she said the Taboo aloud.

“Voldemort.” 

****A/N** **

****Sorry I have been slower with updating. College has been kind of hard lately and I have been very busy. I'm hoping I can get another chapter out within the next couple of days.** **


	46. Chapter 46; D

The wind swirled around him as he apparated with a thick cloud of black smoke. His hair blew around his face, unraveling the neat style it was in. With his wand clutched in his hands so tight that his knuckles turned white, he made sure the coast was clear.

Draco stood staring at the scene in front of him. He was at the Order’s safe house, or what was left of it. It was in the middle of nowhere, almost unnoticed. He took in the scenery for a moment, being the first one there.

It was a small wooden house that stacked up a couple of stories. It wasn’t extravagant in any way. It was quite the opposite. He looked through the windows and imagined Hermione there—with Ron of course.

He knew they would all be dead soon.

Killing Ron would hold a great deal of irony. He knew it would. A part of him might even enjoy it. He envisioned his face as he cast an unforgivable in his direction but dismissed the thought. He had work to do.

As he prepared himself to enter the abode, he tried to clear his head. It was buzzing with unwanted thoughts and anxiety that seemed to be impossible to silence. He had to be steady and certain at this moment, but instead, his stomach seemed to knot in anticipation.

It wasn’t because he had to kill. He knew he could do that. It was from the possibility of seeing her. He didn’t want their eyes to lock as he killed her. He didn’t want to feel the unignorable tension that would fill the room as the life left her eyes.

Draco tried to remind himself that his days of caring were over; that he was supposed to shut it all out. He knew better than to feel guilt over any of it. This was his destiny and his purpose. He couldn’t be bogged down by false love declarations made in a prison cell.

Those meant nothing to him now. 

He closed his eyes, feeling the wind against his cheek like a kiss from a lost lover. His eyes squeezed shut, allowing his thoughts and feelings to be buried once again. If he gave in to them for too long, he would be a goner.

There was no going back for him. No redemption. This was it.

He took a deep breath as he broke through the door, hearing the wood crack off the hinges and falling the floor with a bang. Draco wasn’t one for a modest entrance. His wand shot out, preparing for an ambush but was met with nothing. He flattened against the wall, moving slowly. He peered past corners and explored the house for any life.

He went through various bedrooms, jumping through the door each time expecting someone to be there, but found no one. The kitchen seemed to be empty along with the living area. There was an eerie emptiness that hugged the walls, leaving him with a dull ache in his chest. 

He quietly went up the stairs, trying to eliminate any noise. With each step his chest burned, fearing the unknown. It seemed like ages passed before he was at the top. He swiftly went through all the rooms, ready to shoot a spell at anyone who might be lurking up there.

After he scoped out the entirety of the upper floor, it was found to be empty. He sighed and lowered his wand with relief.

They seemed to have just barely escaped.

He heard a big swell of air next to him, turning to see Yaxley had accompanied him in the upstairs bedroom.

“They aren’t here,” Draco said turning to Yaxley. His forehead was wrinkled and scrunched in distaste. They hadn’t expected the order to be that easy to find, but they damn sure wished they were.

“Well, we will make sure they never return,” he said in a grim voice as he whispered a spell. He was unpredictable like that. No one ever knew what he would do next. 

The air began to heat up, humidity filling the room, making the air seem thick. There was a dull crackle that turned into flames the longer Draco looked at it.

Yaxley had set the damned house on fire.

Draco’s heart thumped in his chest as he rushed down the stairs. The whole place would go down in minutes and he cursed under his breath at Yaxley for not giving him a warning. Behind him, he could hear the wood falling under the hiss of the fire spreading. As he ran down the stairs the steps behind him caved in.

Smoke billowed from above as he made his way out of the house just in time for the roof to cave in. The clean air filled his lungs as he lunged through the door. He fell into a heap onto the ground, wiping the sweat off of his brow. It was very unprofessional and not something a Malfoy heir should have done, but he didn’t care.

He watched as it went up in flames, emotionless. His eyes couldn’t turn away as the embers lit up the sky, covering the air in smoke. He could smell the wood singe, leaving his nostrils filled with the reminder of what he had done.

He was impartial to it though. He was just glad he wasn’t caught in the flames that tore the house down. The dark magic had consumed him. There was nothing left. Even the girl buried deep in the oceans of his mind, could barely make an echo reach its way to shore.

She might as well have been stuck in the burning house, turning to ashes that would scatter in the wind.

“Damnit,” Dolohov said kicking a bit of wood aside in anger. Draco turned his head, not noticing he was standing behind him.

He pulled himself off of the ground and dusted off his clothes, knowing the Dark Lord would arrive at any moment. That was the plan: for him to be there when they took their last dying breaths.

Draco pushed his hair which was now flying in his face back in frustration. He fully expected to be punished for not arriving soon enough. He could almost feel the crucio that he would be getting. He rubbed his jaw, trying to calm himself down.

His thoughts were interrupted by threatening black clouds and looked up to see a death eater symbol in the sky. He knew the Dark Lord was apparating to the scene.

The wind swirled around, causing him to plant his feet into the ground and reach his hand to his forehead to keep his hair out of his eyes.

After a few moments, it dissipated and everything was clear again.

Voldemort stood there, watching over the scene. His searing anger could be felt by the entirety of the Death Eaters in the proximity.

“Sir, we will find them again soon—” Yaxley began to speak, trying to appease the Dark Lord. 

“Silence,” Voldemort said in a calm steady voice raising his hand. 

“But—” Yaxley kept speaking again. 

“SILENCE,” he screamed into the air, making all sounds cease to exist. As he did so he flung his arm out, throwing Yaxley into the air and launching him across the field. 

Everything was deathly silent. There was a ringing in Draco's ears as he looked over to see Yaxley struggling to pick himself off of the ground. 

No one dared to utter a word. 

Voldemort stood, squinting his eyes and turning as if he was trying to hear something. Everyone stared wide-eyed at him, wondering what on earth he was doing. 

The prolonged silence sliced through the air in such an agonizing way, leaving everyone on edge. 

Voldemort then faced them, his menacing eyes piercing into their souls. A wicked grin crept up his face as began to speak. 

“It’s the Taboo. They’re at Hogwarts." 

****A/N** **

****I am SO sorry for the wait. I have been so bogged down with school work lately. I promise I will try harder to get chapters out to you guys.** **


End file.
